New partner
Hello! I’m trying to be more open and accepting (of myself) about my BDSM desires. I have recently gotten a new romantic partner & I’m really struggling with the sexual aspect of our relationship
The last partner I had, was completely submissive and I took on a very dominating role. At the time, I was kind of upset by this, I have always been more submissive and she was very insistent on being submissive 24/7 no matter how much I asked to try and switch up. But despite the lack of submission on my end, I absolutely LOVED our sex. Bondage and torture, orgasm denial and forced orgasms, fisting, anal, spanking, spitting, choking, hair pulling..she could take the biggest fucking dildo I could buy and still want more and I just could never get enough of filling her up..we were fucking freaks. But she unfortunately was an abusive partner in the end and I had to break things off. (No matter how good the sex was). Just small detail on why we had to break up: always degrading me (not in a good way lol), isolated me from my friends and family, was physically abusive (again, not in the good way)..she basically did a lot of the things I wanted sexually, but in a non-sexual and extremely problematic way.
Now I am with a woman who is the complete opposite. She is the sweetest girl ever, constantly telling me I’m beautiful, always grabbing my ass and telling me she wants to bend me over and fuck me wherever we are, she dominates me and wants to me dominated, she listens to my needs and she is so receptive and supportive..she’s just been an absolute god send in every way. Except sexually…
I don’t get the same rush when we fuck that I did with my last partner. And I can’t bring myself to be as dominant with her either. I’m not sure if maybe because my ex was actually abusive, I had an easier time using our sex as an outlet to take out my frustration in a healthy-sexual way, and since my current partner is so perfect, I feel like I can’t punish her. But like..all the things I was so good at before, i just feel like I’ve lost. The dirty talk, the confidence, the fucking rush from hearing her screaming..it’s just not really there.
I don’t really know what to do, and I’m so fucking new to this stuff. My ex and I were together for 2 years, and when we broke up it was only about two months before I got with my current partner. But I’ve been with her now for 6 months. And both of them have been my only sexual partners, AND I’ve been their only as well. If anyone has any thoughts/ideas/advice, it would be so unbelievably appreciated.