Feeling arousal instead of pure jealousy about her fiancé
I’ve been trying to understand a part of myself that feels emotionally complicated, and I’m curious whether other people experience something similar.
There’s a woman I’m emotionally attached to, but she’s engaged and in a relationship with her fiancé. We talk a lot, so I usually know when he’s with her. Sometimes we’ll be messaging normally, and then she suddenly disappears for hours, stops replying completely, and I know he’s there with her.
What makes this even more intense is that she openly tells me afterward how good their sex was. She talks about how satisfied she felt, how strong the chemistry is between them, how exhausted she is afterward, and how physically intense their intimacy can get. She sometimes describes the kinds of things they enjoy together and the way he makes her feel desired and overwhelmed.
And instead of pushing me away emotionally, hearing those things pulls me in even deeper.
One thing that especially affects me is knowing they’re probably together in that exact moment while she’s gone. The idea of her being emotionally and physically absorbed in him becomes incredibly vivid in my head. I sometimes masturbate while thinking about her pleasure, closeness, and connection with the man she loves.
I also find myself looking at her photos and imagining her with her fiancé — not in a hateful or resentful way, but almost with emotional surrender and fascination. It’s less about wanting to replace him and more about feeling strangely drawn into the reality of their intimacy.
What confuses me is that this doesn’t feel like simple jealousy. It feels like a mix of attraction, emotional attachment, compersion, voyeuristic fantasy, longing, and maybe something deeper psychologically.
I’m interested in hearing from people who genuinely relate to this kind of emotional/sexual dynamic:
- how do you personally understand it?
- did it become emotionally healthier or more painful over time?
- where do you draw the line between fantasy, attachment, and emotional self-destruction?
I’d appreciate thoughtful responses from people with similar experiences.