26 [M4F] I want to make you relive your most humiliating, disgusting, abusive and/or arousing experiences, but safely and with respect.
This is not for everyone. If you don't understand it, feel threatened by it, or it simply doesn't describe you, please move on.
I love exploring the psychology of sexual trauma and shame. I've talked to very many people who have experienced sex in 'bad contexts', involving taboos, power dynamics or abuse, and I've found (depending on the person) you may develop a reaction that isn't just fear, but also pleasure and arousal.
- Being unable to orgasm without thinking about those bad events, whether on your own or with other partners
- Compulsive urges to masturbate to those memories or to bad things happening
- A confused mix of resentment or disgust, and longing
If you feel any of the above, you probably find it difficult to acknowledge and integrate your sexual pleasures in a way that is not self-destructive and also doesn't come with the suffocating shame imposed by society on all sexual nuance. The 'more intensely bad' the events were, the more confused and lonely you tend to feel.
If that resonates strongly with you, reach out with basic facts about yourself. I would love to start with talking online to explore your past and your psychology. Eventually if we both feel acquainted and comfortable, we would meet up with the goal of practicing something that's uniquely arousing to you - with the right guardrails in place to make sure that it doesn't spiral out of your control.