u/maloulina

So recently I was trying to pinpoint the moment I realized I was a sub.

I've always felt drawn to submission and was curious about it, but I vividly remember one incident that sealed the deal:

My husband came home from work one evening exhausted, and I kneeled down to help him take off his shoes. When I looked up at him, I felt my stomach drop. And I was like "Oh? Ooooh......!"

It just felt so right being in this position hahaha, and the rest is history.

Do any of you have a specific sub awakening moment like this?

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new to the kink community and looking for some insight.

I’ve always wanted a dominant man in my life… and submissiveness it’s just something deeply rooted inside of me, but due to deep shyness, a fear of being judged, and a major inner block when it comes to opening up I never told any partner about it.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years in a happy, vanilla marriage. Recently, after some life changes, I finally felt safe enough to casually share the "vibe" of what I wanted sexually: for him to take control, be a bit rougher, and challenge my boundaries in a safe context.

To my surprise, he executed this perfectly…like a natural. We never talked about BDSM openly and I’m not even sure he’s educated about it but once things got more intense, we set up our own signs to stop when it’s too much.And we always check on eachother and practice aftercare…honestly, our whole loving** **marriage feels like "aftercare". I feel 100% safe with him.

But now I’m in a massive overthinking spiral. We’ve never talked about roles, and when I ask him, he just says: "Whatever makes you happy makes me happy. Seeing your pleasure gives me pleasure ."

And I know that "Pleasure Doms" exist and that seeing my joy might genuinely be enough for him, but my anxiety is still making me feel like I’m being selfish. It feels so reactive. I’m terrified that I’m the sole profiteer of this dynamic and that he’s just playing a part to please me, without getting his own intrinsic satisfaction out of being dominant.

Am I just sabotaging myself emotionally by overthinking?!

Has anyone else transitioned a long-term relationship like this?
How did you find out if your partner genuinely enjoys the role itself?
** **Any advice on how to navigate this conversation when you have a massive block against voicing your desires and most-inner thoughts out loud?

Thanks in advance!