How many of you guys check on your acquaintances looking up arrests and obituaries?
The things that are considered normal to us, is shocking to "normal" people. Sometimes I forget how fucked up I am and that the way I live is not normal. But I hide it so much and I'm so scared. I want to be a good girl and get married and have kids. Love someone but I'm so afraid and insecure.
I don't have any real friends or healthy friends. The things I've done are pure debauchery. I keep thinking someone or something will change but it's another birthday and nothing. The years are blowing by so fast and I'm still just embarrassed to talk about what I've been through. Was just 20 and now I'm 35 years old.
I never got over the death of the only good man in my life and I only find happiness in things I shouldn't and sometimes I'm jealous of the ones who died. They don't have to be sick or struggle and don't get old and ugly. The obituaries used to make me sad now I long to be in one like some weirdo. Anyway stay safe you guys love you much.