This is not a comparison or better. This is in response to many posts I have read in the BDSM communities on Reddit.
Vanilla and BDSM are very much the same, there are differences yes what is the same and fundamentally intrinsic to each of them is the relationship, the foundation of trust, of love, of commonalities and shared paths. It doesn't matter the type of relationship or dynamic, we all have core things we need to have fulfilled and satisfied and let's be honest here, it's much more fun to do it with someone else than alone.
The basic necessities for our satisfaction are commonly shared across all dynamics. The innocence of holding someone's hand while walking silently on a quiet afternoon, to a masochist taking a cold caning across their body from their sadistic top because they had a rough week. We all crave to be appreciated, to be considered and the infinite possibilities of where a relationship/dynamic can go.
I have wondered about and maybe someone can help me understand: If there are all these commonalities in what we crave and want regardless of the mask it wears. Why then when it comes to relationships where there is a BDSM dynamic do the rules change?
In the last little bit, a common theme of questions is occurring in many of the communities.
"I met someone, I am intrigued, but they don't see things the way I do, what do I do."
Well what would you do if you were dating in the vanilla world? Would you continue or cut your losses and go back to the fish tank?
I am the same person in both worlds, certain needs change however, fundamentally, I want the same things a Dom as I would as a man. As a Dom, I have certain expectations of my slaves as they do of me, as a partner, I have certain things I need to satisfy in my relationships, as do my partners have in theirs. So what changes?
Absolutely nothing, the core of who I am doesn't change, I still need the same respects, the same considerations, the same voice as the other person, regardless of the side of the fence you are on. You have your own agency until you voluntarily give it up to someone, or take on the responsibility of someone's choices.
I learned this over the years, and through many hardships, misunderstandings, and with all things age provides hindsight and wisdom. Do what you wish with this, comment, debate, or even just read it and consider it.
Nothing changes between being vanilla or BDSM in what you are and have agency over...your mind, your body, your emotions, your choices.