I asked Him to punish me… He said no.
I’m in an LDR with my partner, who is also my Dom. We’re about 10,000 km apart, and our dynamic mostly exists when we’re actively playing.
We’ve tried to make it more “24/7” during weekends, but honestly it’s hard to fully stop acting like a normal couple too, haha.
Right now I’m visiting him, and a couple of days ago we had a really good scene. He asked me to hold a certain position, and after a while I moved/turned without permission. He punished me for not following his instruction, and I loved it. It was the first time he had ever punished me, and I was completely melting for him. He has told me before that it’s hard for him to punish me because he loves me so much, and I’m also his first sub, so it felt like a big moment for both of us.
We only have two nights left before I go home. Tonight we were planning to do anal play, which he really enjoys. We were watching TV and cuddling in bed, and I was being playful and bratty. I whispered something like, “Maybe… just maybe… I could keep being annoying so you have a reason to punish me later tonight…”
And he said no. He said he would tickle me as punishment instead, which is something we do playfully/SFW.
I don’t really know how to explain how that made me feel. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy anal sex, because I do, but there are also parts around it that are difficult for me: the preparation, avoiding snacks, the fact that it can hurt at the beginning, and the fact that I don’t get vaginal sex from it. I think I was trying to ask for a way to feel more included, desired, and mentally/emotionally fulfilled in the scene too.
Instead, I felt rejected.
It also hit a sensitive spot because lately I’ve been feeling like I’m the one asking for sex more often, and I’m even the one who suggested anal tonight. Now I’m sitting here wondering if I’m asking for too much, or if I’m being too needy, or if I’m pushing him into a role he’s not fully comfortable with yet.
I know I need to talk to him about this, and I don’t want to make him feel pressured to Dom in a way that doesn’t feel natural to him. But I also don’t want to ignore that I felt hurt and unwanted in that moment.