I took home $800 after tip out last night after the club has been so slow for the last few weeks and was consistently having only like $200-$300 nights!! The economy is so bad and I’ve been so stressed about money but this was the motivation I needed to keep going! If you’ve been feeling the same this is your sign that a good night is coming soon, all it takes is one customer 🫶🤑
This is kinda a venting post too so just skip to the last paragraph for the actual question if you don’t wanna read!
I hit my one year mark of dancing this month and realized I’ve changed in so many ways after spending the last year recovering from burn out and focusing on my mental health by only working 15 hrs max at the club each week.
Dancing has taught me so much, I’ve realized I’m probably not bi like I thought, but actually lesbian, and that I’ve been performing liking men due to social conditioning. I’ve also become way less of a shy, anxious people pleaser and realized that I’m way more outgoing and have a way more “masculine” personality than I thought but have hidden that part of myself due to trauma. I’ve also realized how much bullshit we’re expected to put up with at vanilla jobs and I don’t have a “dream job” anymore bc it’s all capitalist bullshit anyway, and I even have a degree but I’m not motivated to apply to vanilla jobs bc the economy is so shitty and no one is hiring.
And lastly, recently I’ve realized that I don’t relate to my old vanilla friends like I used to bc of all these transformations, I’m basically a whole new person now from when I met them. They’re all very male centered, conflict avoidant and entertain drama that I just don’t have the time or energy for. Not to mention they don’t understand what this job takes even though they’re passively supportive of it.
I’m not mad about it bc I feel like I’m at a place where I’ve developed myself more and can choose new friends who align with this version of me, and just live a quiet, stable life while focusing on getting my own apartment, going to the gym, discovering new hobbies/educational opportunities, traveling when I can, etc. I might get a part time barista job too so that I can take the pressure off at the club since it’s been slow even though I’d rather not do that.
But anyways I just feel lonely bc I’m single and outgrowing friends and don’t know how to deal with it, like talking to vanilla people in general just feels so draining and like they have no idea how the world actually works bc they haven’t seen what we’ve had our eyes opened to. And participating in that world feels like I’m masking bc I can’t just speak my mind like I can with other dancers at my club. Vanilla people think directness is too aggressive. Idk does anyone else feel this way?? Thanks for listening <3