I could use some advice.
TLDR; what do i do about a partner who offers anal play, but seemingly has no interest in it....and teases me about having turned it down in the past.
I enjoy anal play with partners- I love knowing my partner is feeling good and exploring new forms of pleasure - for male partners, my White Whale is to get them to experience a hands free prostate orgasm- its just- so fun for me to watch people find new things that make them feel good.
ANYWAY- I have a partner who has never tried anything "back there". They are aware Im very interested in it, that I have enjoyed it in the past and would love to do it with them. I dont push it, but it comes up in playful ways maybe once a week, like when they wiggle their butt when they dance or something and I mention "the things I would do..." we've talk about it at length - about preparation and how I would want to take things very slow over several sessions to get them used to different sensations -- we aren't just sprinting to pegging, theyve seen the porn I watch and weve even bought toys for if the day ever comes.
Its been two years, and on two occassions they have offered to let me do "whatever I want back there". I didnt take them up on it because they used language like "I'll let you". It wasn't something they were interested in trying for themselves- it was framed as something they would tolerate because it was my birthday and they wanted to make me happy -- which makes me feel SO gross.
Which brings me to a concern- am I seeing this through my own experiences and ruining this for myself and my partner? My first experiences were, less than consensual, and it makes it extremely difficult for me to think about putting a partner in anything remotely similar - I really need genuine enthusiastic consent to move forward with something like this. Sure they could express apprehension or nervousness about trying something new, but there needs to be an underlying current of "I want to do/try this"
Back to the present - they give me a hard time about not taking them up on their offer - they reiterate that they offered i could do whatever I wanted and they wouldn't have been upset. They think im being silly for wanting this, but then not taking advantage of the opportunity when they presented it.
So, the next time Im being presented a seemingly reluctant, but willing gift to play with my partners ass...should I take it? Is it wrong to only be into it if they can vocalize some level of interest/arousal toward the idea? Am I wrong for turning the offer down and wanting to wait until its clear they want it or should I take them at their word?