u/ndhl83

Hello!

Apologies for the length (har har): Getting a load out of my head here (2/2!), and I am way more of a reader/writer than a watcher/listener.

TL;DR - I want to make sure my wife is comfortable and that we don't spoil the vibe for anyone else, while also only having experiences we are legit open to :)

We (M43,F43) are hopefully visiting in 2027 early in the new Year (Feb/March) and I wanted to make sure we have the lay of the land and book the right resort. If my wife isn't comfortable or can't get comfortable, it won't be a good trip. Same with me, of course, but as the ringleader of our circus I tend to assume my comfort level will be "Go with the flow", as usual.

Right up front: From everything we've read so far it seems like Pearl is the right spot for us, being a little more laid back, less "booze fueled poolside party", more "meet, chat, maybe play, and actually socialize". We are both introverted homebodies, by nature, but we also both tend to come out of our shells on vacation and in "not our normal life" environments. We're both educated and skillful conversationalists and don't harbour any prejudices except against bigots of all stripes: Bigots and hate mongors can get fucked with a big square peg in their tight round assholes lol.

Also up front: We are vanilla as of this writing, but LS friendly, deeply smutty, and speak about some LS stuff from a fantasy perspective, and I think we're both aware and open to something happening if the right vibe and situation came up organically, but that's for us to establish/discuss/plan in advance. I don't think we'd be visiting with the intention to seek anything out or "make something happen", and the environment at Pearl seems like a chill spot to be in that headspace: Let's get naked, let's fuck a bit "in public", let's enjoy seeing others, but if we aren't LS yet, it's cool.

That said, while we are both LS friendly and sex-positive, we have different comfort levels with some aspects of the Desires resorts in terms of nudity, and in terms of LS, and I'm curious if that will be received OK:

I'll (M) probably be nude ASAP and love the idea of being able to be nude, be seen, see others, and just exist in such an open and judgement free space. I'd say I'm like 60% naturalist/40% exhibitionist-voyeur. The blood starts to flow downstairs at the thought of being seen in my most natural state.
Nudity wise, for her? She may not go nude, or even topless. She would wear slutty clothes/lingerie, and maybe she would go topless once the vibe settled in, but she may not. Is that cool? Especially if one of us is fully indulging in the nude experience? I'd like to hope the environment and vibe relaxed her enough that she would go nude if she genuinely wanted to, or at least topless, but I wouldn't ask it of her "just to fit in". She wouldn't be comfortable, and I don't ask her to do things if it's just for me. It has to actually be for her or it's not hot for me. That said, her pussy is immaculate and if it were up to me she would be spread all the time for the world to see (there) and I would be going down on her every hour, at least, lol. She deserves it, too. Very good girl.
LS/swap wise, this is where we aren't sure if our differing attitudes would cause us trouble if we did want to try and dip our toes in. My desire to be with another woman, solo or with my wife, is mostly performative and less about novelty or attraction. I want to make my wife hot showing her how good I fuck, and she has hinted at wanting to see me make another woman cum the way I make her cum. She also knows I want to see if I can take care of two women at the same time as well as I think I can lol, but we know there aren't single women at Desires. BUT, generally speaking, she isn't interested in full swap/fucking other men. I wouldn't want to her "leave her alone" with a husband on the sidelines while I fuck his wife, either, in case he got handsy or suggestive in a way she wasn't comfortable with, if he felt entitled to because I was fucking his wife lol. I mean, I'd be pleasantly surprised if that wasn't the plan and the other couple was cool with it, but then I happen to glance over and she is blowing him and masturbating because she wanted to of her own volition because she got so hot. Organic, you know?
However, if we're being fully honest, we've talked about her enjoying a cock bigger than mine if it came up (pun intended), and that is something I would like to watch her enjoy, specifically. We talked in terms of her sucking a big gorgeous cock if the chance came up organically (not at Desires per se, just talking) and she thought I meant it as titillation for me (watching her suck a big dick performatively) but then I said "Well if it's a big gorgeous dick and you're dripping down your leg sucking it, of course I'm going to ask him to fuck you, if you want,". Her eyes lit up when she realized it "wasn't just for me" (it never is lol). And, to be truthful, I think I would really enjoy watching her take a dick bigger than mine, and I would put my mouth and hands to good use on her while she was being fucked. I only buy her dildos bigger than me...why smaller? She'd cum her brains out and I'd probably be leaking the entire time lol...but that's the thing: She said she isn't interested in "other men for other men sake", but a big dick/stunt cock/endowed helper she would consider, but only if his cock was clearly bigger than mine...then it's about the experience of the bigger dick and making her cum hard/a lot, and not about attraction to another man, or (worse) faking it to accommodate a swap happening for my benefit. Jealousy wise, for some reason the thought of her tackling a "sport cock" doesn't make me jealous, but if she said randomly "That guy is really hot, I want him to fuck me", I think that would land different lol. I'm sure the jealousy would pass as soon as I saw and heard her enjoying herself, but those two scenarios hit different mentally right now, if I am being honest. To be clear: She isn't a size queen or anything and I am not about to be cast in any movies, but I have a nice big dick that is very aesthetically pleasing, and I get/stay hard very easily. We don't want to dehumanize anyone or make someone feel like they are just a "trophy cock" to aid us, only, but that is the context (so far) we have talked about her being with another man. We have no experience there, regardless lol, and I am not sure if she would be able to do it out of fear/concern for me. It's a fun thing to think about, and I like to think that as soon as she saw I wasn't jealous, was rock hard and enthusiastically praising her, she would let herself enjoy it and give herself over to the experience, especially knowing I was there keeping her safe.

So....Am I crazy, or as long as we go in with open minds and had an honest conversation, can we have fun at Pearl with this kind of approach (and maybe easing into more when we are there)? Or are these particulars likely going to go unmet unless we happen to luck into the exact right couple? I know we shouldn't put a sign up that says "Open to soft swap with a big cock only" but that would be our mindset locally (for example) if we did decide to seek out someone to play here. We would post "MF4M with a big cock to play with us and please her", type of deal.

On the topic of gorgeous cocks: I am bi-curious and have "fooled around" with another cock before, but am hetero-romantic. The idea of playing with a cock for me is about the same as playing with another pussy: It's for sex/play and for everyone to cum, it's not an attraction to a person thing or a romance thing. It's sex for fun.

So, all that said, I know being upfront with whoever we are talking to is paramount to avoid confusion or wasted efforts, but does any of that seem feasible? Worst case scenario we spend our intimate time alone, I am naked a lot, and we do some nice socializing. Best case scenario she gets naked, too, and we do whatever we like organically. Somewhere in between is the "I'll make them both cum, Babe, you just watch and enjoy" and/or "I'm going to take care of his wife while we both watch you suck his huge dick, then his wife and I are going to shower you with touch and praise while he fucks you."

So, bringing all that together: Can one partner kind of "carry the load" if they meet the right other couple? I'd like to think my wife would find watching me fuck another woman, then playing with the husband to get him off, or getting him off while fucking his partner, would be super super hot in terms of sexual prowess and energy, but maybe I am too optimistic, or horny, or both. She knows I am a total horndog and have few inhibitions, especially since she has brought the best out in me.

Lastly/random short Qs:

Is stroking OK in the "sex allowed" areas, in terms of voyeurism? If another couple is going at it, and I am bricked up, can I enjoy the show and jerk with one hand while I rub her clit with the other? What if she were off getting something from the room, and I am solo? Is it "cool" because everyone knows everyone is coupled up, and I am not just a single guy perving out by myself at the jacuzzi hahaha?
What is the etiquette around nutting/shooting when not in a condom? Do staff clean up after people when they leave, or is it more "Don't cum anywhere someone might sit or touch" (including the playroom/jacuzzi beds?)
Getting hard randomly when not engaged in sex: I have a hair trigger, love being hard, love having it out, and find a wide range of people sexy, sometimes just from their own being sexually open. Am I going to get stares or frowns if I am sprung trying to walk to the bar, when I get out of the pool, etc? I don't even mean trying to get hard, I just expect it will happen knowing that people can see me :P
Toys/vibes/etc: Cool to use in approved areas? Are people open to toys being used on them (clean/sterile, if not new of course) that they didn't bring? Do you see a lot of toys in use in group settings?
Can I tie her up and make her cum in the approved sex areas? We enjoy the "forced orgasm" dynamic a bit and she is basically built to cum as much as she wants. We've started to find ways to make her have crazy long orgasms too, the type where she is sweaty and panting after and needs to be held a bit. She is just perfect, really, and if you couldn't tell by now I adore her and love spoiling her with my best attention...but that doesn't mean I won't tie her up and use her like a willing little slut whose only job is to cum for me
As mentioned I don't think we'd put a sign up looking for a big dick, but if we advertised "I'll (M) take care of you both while she watches!" in terms playing, would that be weird or is that openness appreciated because maybe there is another bi guy in a couple who wouldn't mind a handy or a suck while his wife is being fucked or worked on?

THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU READ ALL THIS!

As I said, I like to write and this is what has been bouncing around the ole model 100 for the last week or so, since discovering the Desires resorts existed!

Cheers!

Nearby "vanilla" resort recommendations for before/after Pearl?