Well I was tested today, day 6, and failed…
Went to buy a vape, another habit I really need to quit, left the house for the first time since my last dose, and the dude at the shop recognized me from a couple months ago when I bought hyroxi there. Told me $20/pack and he has some in the back. I literally felt like I was gonna have diarrhea and got goose bumps immediately. Funny how your brain works.
I was on 12 of these fuckers a day at my highest and tapered down and got off everything for 5 full days and couldn’t say no, sorry Nancy Reagan. I took 2 of them and was floored, must admit I felt amazing which I haven’t felt in the last month or so as they didn’t work great for me anymore towards the end of my brief 3-4 month current binge. Before that I was clean for 5 years besides a couple weekend benders on various opiates that somehow landed in my lap.
I took them around 2pm and haven’t taken any of my sr this evening like I usually do. Going to see how I feel in the am when I wake up. Maybe it was a hack to complete my quit but I doubt it. Would be awesome if I just feel like I do now, 10 hours later, when I wake up tomorrow am. Hopefully this doesn’t set me back too much. I selfishly am glad Florida banned this stuff. If it was sold everywhere I couldn’t control myself unfortunately. I understand some people can use it responsibly and they should be allowed to do so, but I’m not that person. I’m 100% an addict I just need to go back to being addicted to healthy things and heal my brain. It’s a long road ahead and I’ve been down in many times in the past 15 years. But I always feel better taking the sober path when the honeymoon phase ends. That phase gets shorter and shorter with each relapse and wd gets harder and harder.
Sorry for the rant just wanted to get it off my chest as I’ve been telling everyone here how awesome sr is and trying to help them get helper meds etc. I’m weak and currently a failure but I believe there’s still hope for me as long as this shit stays off the shelves.