would i be able to find a healthy D/s relationship again?
I (21F) had a dom back in 2024 and he was an amazing person. he was my closest friend and don, and when he passed away I lost a bit of myself, and since then I only flirted with one guy (last year), nothing physical happened between us and have been celibate since 2024.
All of my friends are either in relationships, or engaged, and they keep lecturing me abour how the "real person will come at the right time" etc but it gets to a point. They know how high my sex drive has been, hell, one of my friends didn't have sex for 2 months (her bf was out of town) and she was begging on the phone for her bf to come to the city a week earlier, bur when it comes to me, all she says is " well you haven't had sex in 2 years so im sure you dont want it as much as i do"
The truth is, I do, but the feeling of never finding someone right is eating me alive. my dom in 2024 was my friend since 2020, he was nothing but the sweetest. at the beginning of 2023, he was flirting with a girl and i started seeing a guy. 2 months later, not only did this guy disregarded me saying the safeword, he gave me a UTI, and told everyone in the dorm how big of a "freak" i am. Since then, not only do i not know how to trust men, but also i don't want to go through that experience again.
My friendship dynamic turning into a playful D/s dynamic was the best thing that happened to me in 2024, he was smart, charming, caring, engaging, kind, funny, respectful, the whole package. Getting that call from his best friend, telling me that he passed away, was the most painful experience i had to go through.
Now, I'm in a different stage of life- i got my bachelors degree, now pursuing a masters degree and will move out of this city again. Still, when I talked to my friends who live in the city im moving to, its all the same- "guys are nonchalant, you wont even get a second date with most guys, emotional connection comes if and only if your physical connection was decent enough." I dont want to throw myself into a risky situation again, but 2 years without sex has started as empowering and now im just struggling. Unless there's an emotional connection, i don't have sex with people. I had three D/s dynamics in my life, and the first one-last one came from being friendly first. Both of them were good but the last one was everything i was looking for.
In these last 2 years, men who have hit on me have been nothing but extremely straightforward, and the way they've talked me me made me feel like i'm nothing more than a pretty face and body. I've also heard comments like "if you don't give me a chance, no one here will give you one bc you're extremely tall/most men dont like tall girls/for a girl your height you should dominate" etc. and it makes me not only uncomfortable but like I will never find a healthy D/s dynamic again. its always "phyical exploration first, talking later" with the guys i've met and i'm just not that kind of person, i want to actually KNOW the person in front of me, and get to know them better every single day.
now, my question is, are there doms who value emotional connection as much as the physical? I don't want to doxx myself but i'm moving to a big city in Europe, and after my experiences in Milan, idk if i'll survive in my next location. i'm both horny asf and in desperate need to meet and get to know someone before jumping into the bed with them.