u/pinkladyapples-

Hi!!💕 I’m a newer sub so I don’t have much experience- just want to put that disclaimer out there!

But I am becoming a bit discouraged by the amount of Doms I have met online who have told me that I am too fat to be a good sub. Not that it matters, but I would truly consider myself like cute chubby lol. But things will seemingly be going well, and pretty early on I like to share a sfw photo of my body because of the experiences I have had so far, and so I share that and I’ve had a good handful of Doms react really poorly to my body.

Now everyone is entitled to their preferences, absolutely! That isn’t what I am saying. It’s just the amount of people who have said to me that subs should be petite and very thin. I purposely avoid reaching out to people who post that their preference is petite women. In the vanilla world, I honestly don’t have this problem. People are typically very attracted to my curves. Not to toot my own horn, but toot toot.

Anyway, I’m wondering if I am just hitting a terrible string of bad luck or do other plus sized subbies experience this too? 😕

-side note, I really love this sub and I’m glad this space exists!🩷

Hi! This is my first time posting here. I am very new to the bdsm & kink community and just exploring the waters for the first time these last few months. My experience has strictly been online as I am still working up the courage to explore in person.

I have filtered through some pretty terrible online Doms pretty quickly, as I know we all probably have. Each experience has taught me something new about myself, what I like and don’t like, and what to look for next time. I’m truly looking to explore and not settle down right away as this is so new to me and I want to give myself the chance to learn and grow. I’m also recently out of a long term relationship and I don’t think it’d be wise of me to jump right into something fully committed and exclusive.

Most recently I made a connection that honestly felt better than any connection I’ve ever made in my life, period. He checked all the boxes on the megathreads here about what to look for in a Dom, and made me feel very safe. I think we both developed feelings really fast and it was a whirlwind of only a few days. However, I really leaned into the dynamic because it was honestly intoxicating. I gave over much more submission than I ever have before, and it felt amazing. He seemed truly invested based on his actions not just his words. And then I think maybe we had a moment of sobriety and realized how intense it had gotten and how quick, and he basically backed out of the dynamic completely due to that and other stressors in his life.

This is sort of back to back experiences I’ve had where I suffer a sudden loss after handing over my submission and finally saying, “okay, just trust them, let go.” I feel caught between holding my trust close and not letting anyone have it for a long time, and also how can this dynamic work if there is not trust? I am already a very sensitive soul and I connect easily with people in general, but on top of it, these D/s dynamics require such rich and intense emotional connection, and it feels like it sweeps me away like a tidal wave and I get lost in it so fast and abandon all my prepared mental affirmations like, “There’s no rush! Give it time.” “Trust is built over time. Don’t give it all away just yet.”

It has left me feeling not only disappointed of course, but honestly hurt, insecure, and wondering if I’m just not cut out to be a sub despite my deep desire to one day have a real relationship with D/s dynamics.

Does anyone have advice on how to not fall too hard too fast? How to protect my heart while I explore this part of me but also lean into the connections I make?

I truly appreciate any advice and I love reading the posts and advice given here. You are all really great!🖤