u/plantrusther

Inspired by a recent discussion regarding a husband’s burden I had a few thoughts I am humbly hoping will put (at least our) cuckold marriage into context…

(TL;DR: examining all the extra work a wife has to do to make a cuckold marriage survive and thrive!)

I’m currently sitting in the backseat of an SUV hubby rented for a weekend getaway with himself, myself, and his best friend whom I will call Buddy.

Buddy and I have had a wonderful sexual relationship for about the entirety of the time I have known hubby. I hooked up with Buddy a few times in college (I can’t remember if it was before or after I started dating hubby) and we have continued to be romantic for the last twelve or so years.

He and another of hubby’s friends who has been one of my regular boys for about the same time are under the impression that hubby and I are swingers and the only reason he never joins us in bed is because of some arbitrary rule in his head about not wanting to have a threesome with his friends. After this long, however, we are pretty sure Buddy is more aware of the real truth and is politely playing along for hubby’s sake even though, all things on the table, we would much rather be open and honest about everything. Maybe someday!

Buddy has flown out to visit us a few times since we relocated (hopefully temporarily!) and every time it has been such a fun and wholesome experience for all three of us. When hubby gets called into work Buddy and I visit bars and museums and act like the real deal lovers we are and when he returns hubby slides right back into the picture so naturally that there has never once been any awkwardness.

Buddy and I are not usually so touchy feel outside the bedroom and after we causally discussed that we all realized we just feel more free to act that way away from our hometown and we are all on board and having a ton of fun with it!

Last night he flew in pretty late and after a very quick hello to Hubby, picked me up and literally carried me up the stairs to our guest room. 🥵 He almost always finishes very quickly the first round but then has no problem rallying the troop for an extended round two. While hubby packed for our trip I laid in the bed in Buddy’s arms and talked about absolutely nothing important for 30 minutes just taking it all in; how amazingly lucky I am to have these men in my life.

We finally rejoined hubby and I made the boys drinks while they pulled out an old school map to talk about our road trip. (No, my husband is not 100 years old, despite his best efforts to come across that way!) I sat on Buddy’s lap and enjoyed my champagne while they talked about interstates and backroads and all the junk my dad used to ramble on about while my mom and I rolled our eyes. 🤣🥰

Buddy excused himself to get some sleep, gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and left hubby and I alone for the rest of the night. We have both been very excited for this weekend, even before we knew Buddy would be joining us, but we had some new logistics to sort out now.

We found a hotel with a large shared suite between two rooms and decided very naturally that hubby and I would be staying in one room and Buddy would have the other. No matter how romantic or rough the sex with other men is I will always, 100% of the time, return to my husband’s bed to go to sleep for the night. Sometimes I’ll fall asleep exhausted with a lover but as soon as I wake up I immediately return to hubby.

This is not a chore, this is love!

Hubby is currently going through extended nudity denial, which we usually pause for him to be able to watch Buddy and I (or whomever I am enjoying at the time). But while chatting with a fellow wife the other day I sent some pictures of myself and hubby including one slightly risqué photo with my breasts exposed and reading through our chat (with my permission and the other woman’s) hubby saw the picture, which I warned him was in there and she and I both told him to scroll quickly past, and immediately reported on his indiscretion.

So now we’re in a little different place and I told him his punishment will not be paused while Buddy is here. Under no circumstances is he to be within eyesight when I am nude. Period.

This is still one of the most effective punishments I can give him because he spent quite a lot of money on lingerie for me this weekend and now will not be able to see Buddy take it off me. On the other hand I now have to redress before I come to bed with hubby and take extra steps to make sure Buddy and I do not make love in a setting where hubby can see us.

All this got me thinking: while I have seen some discussion around the psychology of the wife’s burden in cuckold relationships, it’s not really anything I have truly pondered in depth. Now, sitting in the back of this vehicle while the boys are listening to some Civil War podcast, I have had time to think about the fact that, yes, I do get to have sex with other men and, yes, I am very lucky to get to do so.

But so, so much of this is for hubby too and, to be honest, it takes A LOT of work on my end as well. Having to usually work to hide a relationship or frame it in a way that makes everyone happy, constantly working to keep hubby involved to the degree he wants to be but not so far as to overshare parts he may not want to know, and the extra pieces of our marriage like punishments and denials all add up and go unseen, at least for myself.

Hubby does a WONDERFUL job telling me how much he appreciates all of what I do for him but that doesn’t change the fact that there is so much work that I do that he can’t help with even if he could. I may be the outlier here but I would be curious to hear if I’m alone in this one or if other wives also feel some burden, emotional, logistical, or otherwise…

- A 💕

(and NO, this is NOT a complaint! I know a lot of what I am calling a burden here is self-imposed and I am by far the luckiest woman I know and wouldn’t trade my life for any in the world 🥹)

This post is inspired by a comment we made in r/chastitytraining but it’s really inseparable from the cuckold aspect of our marriage and we thought it would interesting to expand here.

Hubby is grounded right now so I’m posting this with his input and consent to share a little about how cuckolding seems to have changed his psychology over time.

I introduced chastity to hubby almost immediately after we started dating. I had played around with it with a couple of other boyfriends before but nothing very seriously. He took to it as a fun kink to explore almost right away and not long after we began he was caged frequently and for long periods of time. I honestly can’t remember how long it took but it became a non-game semi-permanent fixture in our relationship sooner than we anticipated.

He realized he had a denial kink he had never discovered prior to me and I was able to nurse a sadistic-ish dom side that I had never played with because I was generally pretty submissive in bed with other guys. (Still am!)

He didn’t really demonstrate any of the serious problems with constant caging we read about other guys having and even mentioned how comfortable and safe it made him feel pretty early on in the fixture caging life cycle.

I had quite a few sexual partners throughout high school and college before I met hubby and while we were dating I made it clear that I didn’t really want to give up that part of my lifestyle. “Cuckold” wasn’t really a term that was familiar to us at that time but almost from the start the majority of my sexual play, specifically PIV, was with other partners.

I participated in threesomes, went to quite a number of frat parties, and had some experimental type partners who were tons of fun but I always returned to hubby at the end of the night.

He said that while chastity on its own was a fun dynamic for him, it really did help him embrace his cuckold side to a stronger and more fulfilling degree. Once we married we began limiting his PIV with me to a handful of times per year before finally making him pussy free in January of 2024.

We’ve been married for ten years now, I have greatly increased the total number of sexual partners I have had and he said his cage has just become a part of who he is as a cuckold to the degree that, while I may technically be his keyholder, he has access to a key 24/7 and if he told me that he took it off for any reason I wouldn’t even think about questioning why. Because I know the reason would have to be very important for him to want or need to take it off.

That new reality has actually brought us a new dynamic where, when I want to punish him for something, I will actually take his cage away. He said it’s almost like a security blanket that he struggles without so it’s very hard for him when I take it off and hide it as a punishment.

In a less punishment oriented, more playfully humiliating way I’ll also make him take it off sometimes and do some verbal play so I can show him how hard he gets when he’s being verbally humiliated as an extra mental torture component.

For example, his best friend, whom I have had incredible sexual chemistry with since we were all in college together, flew out to stay with us this last weekend. After two full days of fun and play his bestie flew back home and on Sunday night I took hubby out of his cage and had him write out ten things he loves the most about watching me have sex with another man. He was as hard as he has ever gotten the entire time and we talked about that and how it is such a wonderful physical manifestation of his love of being a cuck as there is no hiding it or pretending he is not turned on by his wife being taken by his best friend (and others).

Long story long, his cage and being caged is a part of who he is now and, absent any physician intervention, it always will be. It is only one part of our cuckold marriage but it helps us both really embrace this lifestyle because when it’s off (which is rare) he feels lost and craves being locked back up. But we do also take advantage of those rare times to explore together the emotional parts of this lifestyle when we see that, given the chance, his penis tells truths even his heart rarely shares.

• ⁠A 💕