u/plz_hurt_me

I’ve always liked older men, my first crush in pre k was my dad’s best friend so it didn’t shock me when I let a 50yr old man take my virginity and become his little house wife. After he kicked me out his house I was over older men. a couple weeks ago I said “universe, give me a fucked up older man, I’m healed and ready”. Lord and behold, I met someone a week ago. We will refer 2 him as t.
T is 36 and I’m 19. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on when he told me his age. Just talking 2 a man who’s so much older gets me excited. We r just friends but I’ve made it clear that when we see each other we’re fucking😂. What turns me on more is how casual he treats me. We r friends but friends who clearly r attracted 2 each other and enjoy each others company. It’s how im aching for him too just grab my hips and fuck me in doggy and imaging sucking him off while he talks 2 me about his day.
We were on the phone tn and I was rubbing myself a bit during a regular conversation, it makes me feel desperate and pathetic that I want him way more then he wants me. I NEED HIM TOO FUCK ME. It’s a bad bad need. I can’t stop thinking about kissing his abs and having him slap his thick cock on my cheek after he violently throat fucks me.
It’s been 5months since I last had sex and me and T will be seeing each other in another one too one months and a half. All I’ve been thinking about his sucking him and being used as a cum dump for him, i don’t care if he touches me or I cum, it feels good being all backed up while my partner gets too relax :)

When I tell ppl that I masturbate 4-6x per month they think I’m some prude when in reality, that as much as I can because of how sore I am from cumming so much in one session!

I’ll just rub my clit for 30mins-1hr and whereas this doesn’t seem a lot, I cum so quickly :(( it’s why I touch myself so much, I cum in 2-3mins max so by the end, I’ve came more then 20x and my clit is so raw and swollen for the next few days it just hurts 2 even squeeze my legs together!!

I also let go of all inhibitions while/after I cum! Majority of all the kinks that I think are humiliating, embarrassing, and dirty in day to day are the one I think of when I cum automatically…. I have ocd and bad germaphobe but when I’m horny, I’ll lick your boot, bark like a dog, want too get spoken down too (day too day I enjoy also), and the list goes so on and so on.

It’s so bad 2 the point while and after i cum, i get incredibly dependent, needy, and whiny. Ive cried during and after while the guy made me beg him not 2 leave. In my first(6 months ago) dynamic, my dom would throw me on the floor and push my face in the carpet (reg occurrence)while he asked me if I wanted him too fuck another girl so intimately and id start crying and begging no no but I really like the thought of kinda watching my dom fck another girl and he FORCES me 2 watch.

Long story short, I was massaging my clit for 40mins a bit earlier and lost track of how much I came but my legs were and still are so shakey but it was too the point I struggled walking😅

I like it lol. It doesn’t feel right but that feels good to me. I like being forced to do things and have no one to do it too me so I must do it too myself. I get embarrassed cuz I know ppl think it’s weird but I revel in that😅 I’m a mess, a confused one at that haha. I can’t help but too like it honestly.😝

I wore a red compression shirt and black running shorts so short you could see my pussy outline lol (I don’t wear panties and try not to wear bras regularly) and I was so nervous that my stomach was hurting and I felt like I had to pee even tho I didn’t drink anything and I realized that was my excitement that I was feeling down there😅. I get to the city and texted him how thirsty I was while waiting for him and he said we can stop off at a deli in which I was fine with. I waited like 3mins and started walking in circles from how nervous I was.

I hear a honk and turn to the street to see his truck and a hand beckoning me forth (felt like a whore😊) so I skipped over in the middle of a busy intersection (almost got hit 3x times) and hop in his car. Soon as I come in he says I look nice and he loves my braids (I had two French braids down too my chest) and I giggled and thank uuu. He said “give daddy a kiss” and pointed to his check and I gave him the most sensual kiss on his cheek lol. I pulled back and noticed I left a lip gloss mark on his face and before I could tell him he looked down at my lips then my eyes and just crashed his lips into mines so passionately. He put his tongue down my throat and was moving back a little and made me chase his lips while moaning, half my body was over the console now and im basically on all fours with my upper body in his chest. I tried kissing him again but he grabbed the back of my waistband and pulled my shorts up and said “did I tell u too kiss me bitch?” I whimpered a soft “sorry” and looked away, then he pulled on my shorts again and told me too speak up and look at him when he talking in which I did lol. I’m very easily put back on the right path with a little push (that push being fear lol) so I repeated myself louder and met his gaze but I could hold it for long, even his eye contact made me feel intimidated.

He told me to rub his cock thru his jeans so I did while he kept pulling up and letting go of my shorts and I was just whining in his chest grabbing at his shirt a bit while the other one rubbed his bulge. He told me to get off him so he could park like I was annoying him which made me feel really warm in between my legs…. He got out before me and I hurried up to fix my pants and shirt that was half way up and hopped out the car so fast I scratched my leg up but it was ok because I did it while trying to listen. We walked into the deli and he gave me 100bucks and told me too get what I wanted and went to the bathroom but I just wanted a water lol but he walked off before I could give it back. I got the water and took a big gulp while waiting for him and he came out in like a min and whispered in my ear “go to the bathroom and don’t lock the door” and I got confused and asked why for him to reply “I’ll meet u in ther and I got scared because it is a public place! I tried telling him What if we get caught? But he cut me off mid sentence and said “GO” and smacked my ass so I shut up and hurried off too the bathroom. When I was in there I started looking in the mirror and I couldn’t shake my nerves cuz it was my first time ever being with a guy one on one like this.

While I’m starring in the mirror I hear the door open and seeing him enter made me bite my lip. Soon as locked the door he smiled and jumped on me. He put both my hands above my head with one of his and started kissing me while the other trailed down my body into my shorts. He started rubbing my clit and I’m moaning in his mouth but I got kinda loud so he stopped and pushed me to my knees and told me to un do his belt and my hands were shaking cuz. I was so excited and I was having trouble with the loop and he said “fuck how long does it take? It’s not a fucking Rubik cube” which made me embarrassed and I said “sorry sorry I’m trying” and he told me to stop and grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head again while the other hand took his cock out and grabbed my chin to guide my mouth on him. I took the tip of him in my mouth slowly and it felt really good on my tongue and he just rammed his cock down my throat like 3x before i could react and I gagged super loud and when he took his cock from my throat, a string of spit was on my chin but I didn’t care, I just looked up at him like he was about to put a communion wafer on my tongue. He put his cock in my mouth again really slowly and just thrusted in and out shallowly till he felt like he was going to cum and then told me to get up and that we were leaving. Me still on my knees asking how? He laughed and said “by walking out dummy” I said “what if they stop us?” And he said “they already know, they saw me walk in right after you, cmon” and he opened the door and I bolted out the store while he just leisurely walked out. we both got in the car and he started driving around looking for a spot to park and when he found one he told me to hop in the backseat and I was confused, he said to just go so I did and he followed.

Soon as we r back there he takes his shirt off and then removes mines,my bras and my pants roughly so I now only have my sneakers on. He pushed me on my back and opened my legs and started licking my pussy which I never had before and it felt so good but really strange and he stopped after a minute and started eating my ass and at that point I never had even thought about liking anal play but there I was running my fingers thru his hair as he grabbed the back of my thighs and pushed my legs back. That went on for like a couple mins till he sat back and made me sit up with him, his bulge was pressing into my pussy and it felt really weird and good cuz he had jeans on while I had nothing on and told me he’s going to fuck me now and I whined “nooo please not now” and he asked me “why? Is the little baby scared?” I looked away and mumbled yes and he followed my face and told me “how about I take you somewhere nice and take your virginity there? Hm?” I asked if he was serious and he laughed and said “no, I’ll bring u too my house and fuck u on the floor next to the garbage” and I let out a smile in which he just shook his head and told me to suck him off.

I sucked him off for three hours and when he was about to drop me off I started sucking him off again and he put his finger in my ass and I moaned around his cock which made him groan and he pushed his finger in and out which made me reach back for his arm and he didn’t like that, he spanked my ass really hard like 10x and told me not to do that. I was whimpering and told him I’m sorry and he said “it’s ok” and told me to go or I’d miss the bus, I asked him softly if he was going to talk 2 me again and he said “aw what? Scared I’ll abandon you again?” I just nodded and pouted, he told me he pinkie promised and told me get going seriously so I did.

The end

I am gonna spare the details and such but I need to get this off my chest, I should have never fucked him. I kept going back and back and it lasted for a bit till he got all sensitive and started making me feel bad for always wanting sex. All my first were with him and it feels wrong and it is but I really like how wrong I feel just at the memory of him coercing me softly. I remember how he inv me over too his house and I got nervous and he told me he promised it was just going to be me seeing him. I remember the way he laughed and told me how dumb I was when he pulled my pants off. The way I was softly whimpering no but parting my legs. Begging him to stop, he told me that “oh yea I don’t use condoms btw, it’s for little kids” after he put his tip in. He was really big and I had no workup, he just went for it and couldn’t fit it all the way in :( the way I was crying cuz of the hurt and embarrassment, embarrassed cuz of the power he had on me. We were in missionary so he held me to his chest while I whined out daddy. After the first time, there were many more things he showed me, like ALOT. So many stories 2 share lol I need it again. I hate that I like the shame and nastiness of fucking a man older than me but I enjoy this shame.

Being a masochist is fun, he did a lot of things 2 me lol