u/professionalfumblr

Gonna try to keep this short, but me and this girl work together. We both flirt, we’ve made out, I’ve even pulled her hair and she expressed quite clearly that it turned her on. We went out one time for ice cream after work. Wasn’t sexual at all, just talked. It was pretty short, and she had some dude blowing her phone up at the end (which she said was probably her exes “friends” because he’s given her number out).

Anyways, after this date, I guess she ended up telling someone else at work who kinda sees what’s going on with us that she didn’t want to have sex with me. She basically told me that herself, if I wanted to wait because she’s “got stuff going on”.

I’ve tried 2 or 3 times to make another date happen and she flaked every time, though the last time she did counter offer a different date the next day, which I declined for various reasons.

At work she’s still flirty and playful, she showed me her underwear through a hole in her pants, I asked to hit her vape and she turned around (expecting me to grab it from her butt pocket).

There’s other women colleagues that come in from time to time and she gets jealous and almost mad when they’re here because we’re in the back talking.

Soo, what gives? Kinda just seems like she’s enjoying my attention with no intention of getting to that next level.

Edit: I’ve gotten a lot of clarity with chatgpt on this. For sure the move is to gradually get to a professional level (can’t be too sudden or problems will arise). Thanks for your comments.

After spending time recently self-reflecting on my shortcomings, I’ve concluded that a lot of my own issues with interpersonal relationships (& particularly with women I’ve sexual interest in) stem from one source: *ego.*

Basically, instead of going with the flow of the present moment, ego (can) step in big time, and interrupt you from actually enjoying yourself, from giving off good vibes, and ultimately from thoroughly seducing women. At least, that’s how I interpret it for myself.

See, there’s you (or me in this case), and then there’s the image I’m trying to project, or have others believe is me, which is often a walled up, guarded version of me. Which *can* be attractive on the surface, but it gets in the way of fully enjoying the night, or any given moment because, oh, I can’t go dancing, it wouldn’t look cool. What if I make a fool of myself? That opens the door for others to *judge* me. Or what if I say this and they don’t react well, now they’ll think I’m weak, and that doesn’t align with how I want others to see me.

There are times where this ego is not so strong, and in those times I find I can dance, have way more fun, interact with more people, and typically results in much more success. I don’t care about protecting an image, I’m just there to actually enjoy the moment. This is easier to do in environments I actually want to be in, and harder when it’s not.

The whole notion of “not giving a fuck” and getting results is pretty much a short and sweet version of what I’m talking about. If you care too much about how others perceive you, you’ll be stuck constantly overthinking and over-analyzing every minute detail of your interactions with others, and/or just your presence, and it tends to create anxiety, and interferes with positive vibes & energy, which is what women are actually after.

This is why I find myself often just standing around with a drink in my hand, scanning the room and in my head, I’m trying to protect an image and reduce vulnerability, yet it’s the opposite I should be aiming for.

So there’s a tidbit of my own inner battles with the seduction process, and hopefully when I go out tonight I can hone in on being fully present, not caring how others may or may not perceive me, and ultimately seduce a pretty woman to the bedroom. Cheers.

Over the many months of me going out and meeting people this past year, you tend to notice things. One of those is that there are a *lot* of fairly attractive guys who are always going out, and usually not progressing in any meaningful way with women. Is this the current state of dating many have recognized as being a drag? Have women’s expectations changed/become more stringent? I know they want the best they think they can get, but man, sometimes it leaves very little room for error.

My lens could be warped by the fact that I live in a highly populated & highly competitive environment, so naturally the women are less interested in those they perceive to be average or normie. Even if you are attractive to a woman who has many options, too many missteps tells her you’re not good enough. And those missteps can be very seemingly trivial.

Idk, I’m a decently attractive guy, but I just can’t seem to get laid as of late if my life depended on it.

I understand how attraction works, I understand also what doesn’t work. I understand this is a numbers game. I also understand that usually it comes good & plenty when you’re not really trying.

Maybe I’m trying too hard? (Doesn’t seem/feel like it). Maybe I’m subconsciously creating expectations where there should be none?

I have a pretty high rate of initial attraction from women, verified by body language, eye contact, communication, etc. But getting beyond surface level stuff has been challenging. On top of that, everyone wants to text, and that is a weak area for me because my personality/communication style doesn’t translate well over text with new people.

This is all becoming mentally & emotionally taxing, I almost feel like giving up entirely. Just go monk mode, focus on my career path & that sort of thing, and just be okay with being alone indefinitely. Anyone else feel this way? Any suggestions on what I can change? I go out most weekends, usually to a bar or club, which isn’t my favorite scene, but it’s easy.

Long story short, me and a co worker have been fooling around a little at work (no sex). We’ve gone out once. However, trying to get this second date has been a little trickier. Every time I try to set something up, she agrees to it, but it gets cancelled at the last minute. It happened again today (I think the 3rd attempt). She did offer a counter-date for tomorrow, but I declined because I’m not trying to come off as too easy, or being a push-over, and I’m trying to facilitate a date in the evening rather the morning.

I can tell she likes me, she even started talking “hypothetically” about us being in a relationship, and said she felt like she could lower her guard around me (which is good). But still, actions will always triumph words, and right now I’m getting flakey behavior. Maybe she really does have a lot on her plate, but at this point I’m thinking she needs to try harder to make a hang out happen, cuz I’m about done asking/trying to set something up.