Hey all,
My partner and I (both 27) are a married queer couple who just started to dip our toes into the possibility of D/s play. Some background on my partner: they have a lot of stress at work, a history of toxic relationships (where they felt a lot of pressure to have sex from partners), and in general struggle with ADHD-fuelled decision fatigue and anxiety. We were talking about sex in general and they mentioned historically feeling the need to “perform” or constantly think through every step of sex. They’ve mentioned that they think they are on the asexual spectrum before, but that they aren’t repulsed or uncomfortable with the idea of sex, its just generally something they don’t crave as often as I do.
Anyways, I brought up the idea of having them sub for me, or very generally letting me make more decisions through the day and during sex (we’ve already discussed and are not interested in establishing a 24/7 dynamic). Neither of us have engaged in D/s play before so I was struggling to explain why it may be beneficial for them. I mentioned that it might be nice for them to be able to turn their brain off and just experience pleasure in their body and be told they’re doing a good job. My partner mentioned understanding the theory of it, but didn’t understand what it would look like in context.
So, I’m interested in learning/hearing about a couple of things:
- Can anyone provide recommendations for media (porn, audio or written erotica, etc) to help them contextualize what this dynamic may look like?
- What is it that you experience as a sub that positively impacts your life? What are you looking for from your Dom?
- Anything else you think is important we discuss (other than hard limits, kinks, likes, dislikes, aftercare, etc)?