u/robobugg

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My boyfriend and I were on a good run with meth and fent... He has been weaving in and out of psychosis and I've kinda just been his babysitter... Loving him and making sure each other were safe around the fent. Things started to progress with his paranoia.. shit got scary... We both look like walking skeletons and never leaving the house. Yesterday we had a horrible fight in the morning over the fent..made up and had some amazing sex. Talked and decided we wanted to slow it down and get back on track... Then he shot up before me and overdosed and died in my arms. The narcan I was using wasn't working... Dosed and dosed... I held his blue and purple body and told him I was sorry I had to call 911 and I couldn't let him die. Police came, took drugs on the table, Ems took my boyfriend and he lived them was straight hauled to jail. I couldn't leave his side to go flush the drugs, I honestly completely forgot the drugs were there. Heavy charges... I haven't lived without him for so long and all I have left is my meth... I fucking miss him and this is all my fault. I can't do this shit anymore..... But when I'm not high I can't stop the suicidal thoughts. What have I done? I don't want to go back to rehab ffs.... I just want my baby back. I can't get his dead face out of my head. Thank god he's alive.