Probably going to die alone at 33
This is me venting.
I was diagnosed as terminally ill at 28, came out of hospice and am now 33. I went through all of it homeless and alone, didnt talk to my family at that time. Also I didnt plan for a back up and since then I've had, at least one, in terms of resources.
I dont have any family besides my mentally ill mother, who I financially and emotionally take care of. I have a lot of childhood trauma, and it didnt get much better as an adult.
Ive moved all across the country with less than a few hundred bucks at times. I just lost my health insurance, lost my best friend, had my heartbroken all in the last 30 days. I dont really have actual friends. And tonight I lost my only local friend. Ive lived out of a suitcase and my duffle for almost or over a decade now. I cant even keep books, everything i own weighs too much already.
I dont know if I should care about any of that, my insurance, or my health in general. I pack my stuff up every night in case the person im renting this Airbnb from finds me. I was just in the hospital a couple of weeks ago and almost died. After i survived they wanted to put my on a psych hold. I told them they cant tell me im dying any day and when I accept it think I want it to happen. I didnt get placed on a hold, thank God.
I have no purpose in typing this other than I need to say it somewhere. I dont know what's going to happen but after all of that would it sound crazy to say I'm excited for whatever it ends up being?
Sorry if you're going through any at all similar to this. I hooe you have happiness and peace today at least!
x