Sometimes I hate that I love him.
I would choose him, every single time. But.. this isnt the first, or second time I have been in our home, not able to sleep. Worrying about him. missing him. But this time im angry. Im angry that I dont get to just live my life with my person. Im angry at the stupid decisions he makes..even tho in his defense, he works and provides and is a different man than he used to be, for sure. But its like we can never get past this part. He will do his time, get half way house or probation and it will be one stupid thing that puts him back. I really believed that I would never have to do this again and im so angry. I am trying to be there for him, and of course, i am. But I don't know. i dont even know what im talking about..Im just exhausted. I want our life. I love him more than anything. But I wish I loved me more. I don't know what that would look like, because I do know I want to be with him. I just need to not be so much in there with him this time. That seems impossible. Im probably just having a bad day feeling sorry for myself. idk