The Perfect Man Doesn’t Exis–
I’ve always struggled to imagine what kind of relationship I’d want to settle down into. I’ve tried monogamy, polyamory, being with men, being with women, being the submissive, being the dominant... even abstinence.
With each structure, I’ve eventually felt a nagging feeling that something is missing. It’s slowly becoming clearer, although I am still figuring it out.
Monogamy feels incomplete to me. Equally, polyamory feels too expansive. When I’m with only men, I miss women; when I’m with only women, I miss men.
I can, however, confidently say I have no interest in being someone’s submissive.
An ultra-specific relationship type comes to mind. One I don’t have the vocabulary to name, but I do have the words to describe.
I am non-monogamous. I have a queer leftist boyfriend — a boyfriend who is an ‘alpha submissive’. He’s tall, broad, confident, generous. He’s also devoted, attentive, gentle, loving. His submissiveness doesn’t turn him into a wet blanket devoid of presence and personality. His individuality doesn’t clash with my dominance.
He’s monogamish: my sensual lover, my partner in group escapades, and occasionally, a secure and eager cuckold. But never a solo player with others.
He knows even in the moments he tops me, it’s within the realm of my control.
I don’t have to micromanage his submission; he works within my framework.
I don’t fear being diminished by giving and caring for him freely. We’re equals within this power imbalance.
He’s my primary partner. Where the love lies.
Outside of him, perhaps I have a girlfriend. A woman who matches my switchy energy. Maybe I have another trusted male partner whose goal in life is to have as many bi MMF threesomes as humanly possible. And by some heartfelt miracle, a genuine friendship develops amongst us all.
We frequent kink raves, dancing into the night. When summer comes, we swap those nights for secluded camping trips where we bask in the sun nude as the day we were born.
Eventually, I wake up from this dream, rub my eyes as I grab my phone, loose an unhopeful sigh, and archive another nonsensical message from hornyman69 on FetLife.