r/flr

Hey all, long time lurker (and occasional contributor on an old account!)

I’m a woman looking for my ‘forever’ FLR, currently a few months into dating a potential match.

A huge component for me is good and sustained sex/body worship as I have a very high sex drive. My new guy is keen to please but has an issue with his mouth getting too dry/tongue getting sore from sucking (ending in coughing/spluttering), and another issue with fingers cramping up.

In a non-FLR I’d probably just make my peace with it and understand those activities are things we can do for a small period of time. But I’m not going to settle for that for the rest of my life (nor is it something to break up over, really) ~ has anyone had any success in ‘training’ tongues or fingers to work longer/harder?

Not particularly interested in suggestions to just ‘punish him til he can do it’ (I don’t think he’s making these issues up!) - so far I’ve got him sucking boiled sweets til the end once a day and spending time flexing his fingers back and forth but I plucked those ideas from thin air and they don’t seem to be helping!

Hii,
My partner came up with a game two days ago which included him not being allowed to touch himself or even ask to touch himself at any time. In case he will ask, he'll get to cum but he'll also be punished. He has to withstand 30 days of not asking.
So I'm currently thinking about how I could make him lose this bet as fast as possible, but I am kind of unsure how to make it as hard but also as fun as possible for him since I really want him to enjoy it. I thought about stuff such as undressing him every time as soon as he enters my apartment to his underwear and some other stuff for example slight touches before we go to sleep etc.
I also am unsure what kind of punishment I should give him.
I would be very grateful for any kind of advice and ideas. Have a great day 💜

In the past my Queen has often asked if she could leave the kids with me so she could go shopping, spend time with friends, or just leave the house alone. She ​is a SAHM and has the kids (two toddlers) most of the time, making it difficult to run errands. This last weekend she started to ask out of politeness, then stopped herself and said

"I am leaving by myself to run some errands. The kids will stay with you."

Later that evening she invited her parents over for dinner. We all ate outside and talked for a while. Then, as they were about to leave, my father-in-law started to pick up his plate to take into the kitchen. My Queen said,

"Dont worry about that. (My name) will get that," which i reiterated by telling him to not worry about it & that I'll grab it.

Those two comments made my head swirl! She is beginning to shed society's conditioning of being a "polite, selfless girl" ​who sacrifices herself for the convenience of others, and is actually becoming comfortable with allowing me to serve her.

Hello everyone!

I am at the beginning of a more structured FLR.

My partner and I have been together for a year, and BDSM has always been a part of our dynamic, but now we have decided to take things more seriously. I started reading a lot about it, and there was one book that completely changed my mindset. Now I truly want to focus on being the best version of myself for her.

​Since I am the novice and she is the person with much more experience, I would like to ask for your advice on introducing routines. Is it a good idea for me to suggest "rules" or tasks for myself to complete?

​For example, I would like her to control my bedtime by setting a fixed time.

My question is: could suggesting this, along with introducing punishments/consequences if I fail to stick to the schedule, yield good results? Or will it just create more stress and work for her, since she would have to be constantly attentive every single day at that specific time to check if I am complying?

​How do you usually manage the introduction of these routines without turning the dominant's role into a micro-management burden?

Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts!

I tend to see a lot of stories and discussions about certain events or scenarios that happened, but I’m interested in knowing about the day to day. Do you as the wife/girlfriend constantly remind him that you’re in charge, or are you constantly reminded that you’re in charge. How is your life around family, especially more “traditional” families where the men are expected to lead. I am interested to hear from all of you.

I think I’ve discovered my dream relationship.
I want to be a full-time househusband while my wife is the provider. I stay home, cook, clean, do the laundry, and take care of the house while she works.
I also love the idea of her taking the lead in the relationship. She makes the big decisions, I ask for permission before going out, and she’s the one everyone sees as the strong, protective partner.
Basically, I like the idea of the most extreme role reversal possible. Does anyone else genuinely find this dynamic appealing?

Me and my fiancé have been together for 2 years now, and tomorrow we are finally getting married. I am so happy. She took the control pretty naturally and we aren't really labeling our relationship with anything. But we came to the point were normally i do most of the household chores when I'm back from work, and she has her whole day for herself. She only cooks often because she likes to do it, and i do pretty much all the other stuff. I think she knows that she is in charge but she is still so gentle and caring. I just love her so much. She is only very strict when she commands something. I can't wait to see how our relationship will evolve in our new marriage life.

I get this question a lot. I have a kinky FLR relationship and I’m very happy with this. But I get asked a lot: what is it that women get out of it? So I thought to post this question here and am very much looking forward to your honest opinions.

This may sound a bit sharp, but I think a lot of people confuse looking submissive with actually being easy to lead.

If someone’s “submission” creates more supervision, more emotional management, more pointless ritual, or more work for the woman, I’m not especially impressed by it.

A lot of what gets framed as devotion is still very centred on the submissive.

They get to feel desired.

They get to feel corrected.

They get to feel the tension of the dynamic.

They get to feel special because someone is managing them.

Meanwhile she gets one more thing on her plate.

To me, submission gets much more interesting when it reduces friction instead of creating it.

Less theatre.

More steadiness.

Less performance.

More usefulness.

I’m curious how many women here have found themselves feeling that way.

As a 32 year old guy, I’m serious about finding a FLR and finding women that are looking for this dynamic in a relationship. However, as we know, it’s not that easy for us guys (women as well, but my perspective is as a guy).

I’m wondering what’s worked for others:
- dating with vanilla apps like Hinge or Bumble, them bringing it up in the first few dates
- apps like feeld, or chyrpe - do these work? With Chyrpe I signed up and spent a bunch of money to never even get a real person matching
- fetlife - not a dating site and never had good luck here
- Reddit - also probably a long shot for finding someone in your area

What are you guys thinking? Do any of these work? Do we need someone to make a better FLR dating app or what?

FLR. Married, with 2 kids. For the past 12 years and counting I've had no PIV with my wife. This was her idea - she claims she was never able to orgasm from PIV, so we began using other means to make her cum - oral, dildos, etc.

The Hitachi I bought her around 15 years ago was a game changer for us both. I would use it during PIV and She became multi-orgasmic.

Over time, we substituted my dick for a series of larger dildos - all the while using the Hitachi on her clit. After she came a few times she would give me a "handjob reward".

Soon sexy time for us evolved into what is referred to as Hitachi and Handjobs (or H&H for short - LOL).

I would give my wife 30 min to an hour of dildo play, vibrator action, hitachi, facesitting, etc. until she was totally satisfied. Then she would give me a handjob.

Then last year she said that giving me handjobs was getting to be "too tiring" after she had cum numerous times. She asked if we could both "work on making you cum faster by hand". She suggested a 1 minute time limit. This was a challenge to me!

We started by using the "timer method" to set a baseline. That first timed handjob had me cumming in about 2 1/2 minutes. Obviously I had a ways to go. But surprisingly, I wanted to beat the 1 minute challenge. To help me along, the next time we had sex she set the timer for 2 minutes with a 5 second warning alarm. The deal was I had to cum within the time allotted, or would have to wait "until next time".

I think the excitement to beat the clock got to me, and I erupted when the 5 second warning started....so I came in just under 2 minutes.

We practiced and trained all thru the summer, as she shaved off 5 second increments each time. By last fall I was cuming in around 1 minute. But she wanted me to cum even faster. So we continued training thru the end of last year.

For New Years Eve, we celebrated with a very long sexy time session-starting with facesitting - I gave her 2 orgasms as a edged myself. Then I used a dildo to "fuck" her and she came again. Then I used a bigger dildo to stretch her pussy as I sucked on her clit - resulting in her 4th orgasm. Finally, out came the Hitachi and combined with the bigger dildo, she came 3 more times - in waves....after each telling me "please don't stop - I need more". By the time we finished it had been a little more than an hour, and she had cum 7 times. She was glowing, but truly exhausted.

We cuddled a little for a while and then she said "Lube up - it's time for your handjob. I am setting the timer for 40 seconds - with a 10 second warning. Let's see how fast you can cum for me tonight."

I was rock hard and well lubed. As usual, she started the timer as she started to jerk me off - at a steady but quick pace. After 30 seconds, the warning rang. She increased her speed and told me "cum NOW for me, baby."

And....I DID IT! I started to cum at 32 seconds and finished just under 40.

I was HAPPY to be able to please my wife. And she was really, REALLY glad, too. She said "Let's see if you can cum even faster and easier for me for 2026."

She also told me "I am looking at easier ways to get you off faster. Stroking you is both tiring and boring."

To be continued.....

My(19m) girlfriend (21f) has just decided that I shall be pussy free forever. Originally we talked that I will be allowed to fuck her when we have kids but now both of us have decided that I will never get to fuck her, and when we have kids she will just collect some of my cum and finger herself with it. The only way I will be allowed to cum now is from pegging. To keep her satisfied I am to eat her out every morning and fuck her with a strap on whenever she asks. Is there any other ways I can please her going forward

If you don't know her writings, they're pretty great.

This one is especially good for the femmes looking for FLR and reluctant to press and test prospects within days rather than wasting months.

https://femaleled.info/how-to-spot-the-man-worth-months-of-your-work-sooner-than-feels-polite/

I was with my wife for over seven years and I have never had a dom side to me as I was mainly a sub while she has always been a lot more of a dom, however she has noticed years ago that while I was submissive to her I was not submissive to women in general which we have spoken about and I agreed I would also like to change it to both make me a more respectful sub but also to make other women more happy in having me being more respectful towards them. For years she has punished me if I have spoken wrongly to any woman, even if her friends are at home with us if I don’t offer to get them some snacks and drinks she would address that immediately. She has even punished me before for not saying thank you to the waitress taking our order. Over years I have noticed a mental shift where it’s second nature now to just address them as Miss or M’am, try to be as accommodating as possible if they are guests with us, always smile at them and be as nice as possible to them always. Her friends did notice it a long time ago and said they really loved just how accommodating I really was to them and how I would immediately jump up to help them which she loved.

My wife and I have explored Chasity off and on for a while now. She is newer to the idea and I have had an interest For a longer while. I introduced her as a way to show my dedication to her. She is not used to that and has taken a while to get into the idea.

We are an above average looking couple, I dont mean that to sound arrogant but we are both physically conventionally attractive and both well educated. She however has not started realize, or accept this until recently.

We have a membership to a local spa with a pool. It is a hotel and has lots of travelers from the local huge cities in the north east. I have revived a lot of female attention and while flattering, i always play down and avoid. My wife has noticed the attention and it has played on her mind.

She has always been incontrol of our sex life, if and when she wants me she gets me, between then I am a horny mess. I have often proposed chastity to balance the dynamic. She hasn’t always loved the idea but we have tried it off and on with varied results.

Today at the pool there were ALOT of out of towners from NY and Boston. Great looking people. I got a lot of attention and she noticed. I obviously am dedicated to her and have no interest in anything other than her.

On the way home she said “I want you locked up. Can you handle everyday?”

I said “wear the key, show it off, show everyone I’m yours”

Her response…

“Thank you”

Dream come true.

Today, in specific response to an error I made, Mistress has added a new and important rule to how I should act:

Do not forget your place. Mistress wants a polite, docile boy.

How often does your Mistress update her list of rules?

As I've mentioned in other posts, I'm submissive to my wife, and my in-laws also live in a dominant/submissive dynamic.

My wife doesn't hide her control over me from her family.

Yesterday was my mother-in-law's birthday, and we couldn't visit her, so I sent her a text message to wish her a happy birthday. She replied,

"Thank you, my dear son-in-law. I'm so happy that you're so obedient and submissive to my daughter. She's trained you well, and you know where men belong. I'm very proud of you both." This event made me reflect. I truly realized that my submission was real and acknowledged.

I'm both proud and a little embarrassed.

I have just replied to a post regarding this subject and it seems to be pretty common in an FLR for the woman to have full control of the male´s orgasms, as many have replied so.
My question is, for those that control the man orgasms, whihc frequency do you consider ideal?

We often equate pegging as the ultimate reversal of dynamics in the bedroom with the wife wielding the strapon and being the penetrator boosting her confidence. But it has great psychological effects on the receiver also which I experienced in the last 3 years since my wife introduced pegging in our relationship. Initially I had difficulty getting into my new role as the passive partner and househusband but after getting pegged I think it’s like a switch flipped in my brain where I truely realised my role in our relationship. First of all helping her put on the strapon while being on my knees and caged was like making her the man in our relationship. She would often ask me to give her a ‘bj’ and thank her for all the hard work she is doing and taking care of me. She would often be verbal during pegging and tell me that I am just a hole for her to use and ask me to repeat it even if she doesn’t mean it but I think it had a huge impact on me and helped me getting into my new role.

How many of use give full control of our orgasms over to our wives or partners? After many years we've finally reached the point where she is in full control of my orgasms, including masturbation. The most difficult part was giving up the freedom of masturbation, but other than that it was honestly a pretty easy thing to do. It allows me to focus on her and not worry about myself. She'll give me a release when she wants me to have one and when she feels like I deserve it.

Of all the aspects of our FLR I think this one has really been a positive change for me. Prior to this in the back of my mind I was always thinking about how I could get to orgasm and it was honestly a big distraction.