u/thatsenoughgustav

Basic demographics:

• Location: large metropolitan area on the east coast of the US.
• Time zone: Eastern.
• Occupation: soul-crushing office job.
• Relationship status: married.
• Kids: yes.
• Expecting any more? Fuck no.

Physical Appearance:

• Height: tall.
• Weight: not fat. 
• Hair color: not bald.

 

Communication:

• Texting style: banter.
• Texting frequency: often.
• Love language: Spotify playlists.
• Primary defense mechanism: humor.

Interests:

• Music: going to shows, playing guitar, and trying to keep up with new bands in a futile attempt to convince myself that I’m still cool.
• Reading stuff: mostly the news, but also random people’s dumb thoughts and opinions condensed into 280 characters, and sometimes actual books.
• Staying not fat: exercising, chasing that sleep score, and obsessing over fitness metrics that probably don’t mean very much in the grand scheme of things.

 

What I’m looking for in an OA:

• Length: long-term.
• Chatting: a lot of this.
• Voice calls: some of these. 
• Video calls: and these.
• Selfies: a reasonable number of these.
• Feels: these are usually involved.
• Other stuff: this, too.

What I’m looking for in an AP:

• Age: you must be too old for Leonardo DiCapprio.
• Location: somewhat close to me in time and/or space.
• Interests: you should have normal girl interests and one or two hobbies that are at least tangentially related to mine and also at least one quirky hobby or interest.
• Physical Appearance: please be somewhere between cute and hot.

Suggested openers for your first message to me

• Tell me about your quirky hobby.