r/OnlineAffairs

I am so OVER the same usual boring small talk here. Getting to know people for ten messages and then fizzling out because you’re not really a match. Or people who say they’re interested in long term mushy stuff (I actually am FYI), but really just wanna get their dick wet.

Let’s cut the shit 😅

- If you just want sexy stuff, don’t message me.
- If you don’t have time to message and build something real. Don’t message me.
- If you have a ridiculous time difference with the U.K. … guess what, don’t message me.
- If you can’t hold a conversation, can’t have a laugh, can’t be serious and also take the piss at the same time, don’t message me.
- If you won’t move to telegram, won’t send voice notes, pics, have calls and video calls…. Don’t message me.
- If you’re going to ask for nudes and naughty stuff all the time. Don’t message me.

However.

- If you are able to cope with a heavily sarcastic, dark, dry sense of humour.
- If you are attracted to educated, curvy brunettes with a stubborn streak.
-If you like someone who is a little nerdy. Who you can have a laugh with but also have meaningful conversations.
- If you’re the kind of person who secretly, deep down, knows that they’re too good to be here?

Then message me. Duh

Hi

I am not doing well relationship wise. I am looking for an older [40+, older the better :) ] romantic gentleman friend Some one who enjoys conversations and not just looking for a one time chat.

I am an old soul. Like old school romantic things. :)

I work from home most of the time, so i often get time to chat.

I love action movies and thrillers :)

I like biking, running , cooking reading. and watching DIY videos on youtube..haha

Leave me a message.. tell me about yourself and whats your idea of a romantic date :)

Married and a mother.

I miss the kind of conversation that starts with a random opinion about whether pineapple belongs on pizza and somehow ends three hours later with us not knowing where the time went.

I’m looking for a man who is intelligent enough to challenge me, confident enough not to be threatened by me, and funny enough to make me snort-laugh at inappropriate moments. Someone who can dish it out, take it back, and knows the difference between banter and being a jerk.

Please be emotionally stable, intellectually curious, and consistent. I’d love to meet someone ethnically Tamil or Mallu—not because it’s a requirement, but because sometimes it’s nice not to spend twenty minutes explaining why three aunties are suddenly involved in a life decision.

And what do I bring to the table?

Confidence. Wit. Conversation. Questionable life choices. An unhealthy relationship with books. The rest, you’ll have to discover yourself.

I’m 30, living in the PNW for now, and standing at one of those strange crossroads life never really prepares you for. I’m in a failing 5yr LTR, no children, and craving something deeper than the surface level connections people seem so comfortable settling for.

I’m short, mid-sized, naturally blonde with blue eyes. Affectionate, needy, a total yapper and the type to send multiple messages because you said something interesting and now my brain has all the thoughts.

Demi + Sapiosexual. Ambivert. I like people until I don’t. Stubborn, Sensitive, Bratty and Softer than most understand. When I care about someone, I care deeply.

I’m a variety gamer, reading enthusiast, history rabbit-hole diver, and dog mom. You’ll absolutely receive dog tax. Music is perpetual, Tacos can fix almost anything and a beautiful sky will stop me in my tracks every single time.

I’ve lived the lifestyle for 10 yrs and carry that princess by day, slut by night energy. I love playful tension throughout the day, dirty texts while you’re working, stolen moments, anticipation, and that feeling of constantly being on each other’s mind even while living separate lives.

But for me, kink has never existed separately from connection.

It’s the aftercare, emotional grounding, consistency, and quiet understanding of how to hold each other even when we aren’t physically together. I want someone who understands a caregiver/daddy dynamic beyond aesthetics. The responsibility, patience, protection, affection, structure, and emotional presence that actually make it meaningful.

I want the real parts of someone. The messy thoughts, boring updates, bad days, overstimulation, excitement, random observations, and all the little things most people keep to themselves. I want a connection where presence feels constant, even at a distance.

The kind where someone chooses you intentionally and keeps choosing you every day after. I want commitment, emotional intimacy, consistency, softness, safety, passion, and something stable enough that I can fully melt into it without feeling like I have to earn being loved first.

I long for a slower, simpler life. Land with gardens, animals to love and care for, a warm home full of life, maybe cattle, goats, free-ranging raptors, and if life allows it, a few tiny humans running around with the person I deeply love.

Farmer, rancher, blue collar, businessman, CEO in a high glass tower... it’s never been about status to me. It’s about heart. Warmth. Consistency. Someone capable of loving deeply and wanting that same love in return.

I want the in-between moments just as much as the big ones. Dancing in headlights. Stargazing in the bed of a truck. Staying up too late talking about the future. Sharing music back and forth. Gaming together. Binging shows until morning comes too fast. Falling asleep knowing we chose each other again that day.

I just want something real, lasting, and gentle enough to finally feel like home.

If I'm your cup of tea, I'd love to hear about your favorite color.

I’ve been with the “hubby” for 8 years now. We have 2 kids between us, a home, 2 dogs, and a pretty solid social front. We have great sex, which has recently only gotten even better since I began exploring here on Reddit!

However..!… we have no romantic/emotional/friendship-like connection. And that’s what I really crave. I want someone to joke with, someone who will reciprocate my banter/Brat ways, someone who genuinely wants to talk to me and makes me excited to check my phone.

Perhaps like me you need a partner too. Whether single, married or attached you've been neglected for a long time and have bedroom needs that are just not being met. I am fine starting off slow but if you are in my position it just sucks not having sex for whatever reason it is. 

Day to day life becomes pretty routine after almost 9 years.. I want butterflies and excitement, flirting, newness 🥰🥰

Ahem…
Summer loving… had me a blast…

Or whatever Grease said.

Me?

I’m looking for something a little less innocent.

The weather’s getting warmer.

The school year is ending.

I finally have time to breathe again… and maybe enough time to ruin somebody’s concentration for a few months.
So here we are.

About me?

5’2”.

Brown skin.

Tattooed.

Thick where it counts.

I lift weights like heartbreak is a competitive sport.

I write for a living and flirt for recreation.

My voice alone has gotten me in trouble more than once.
I’m the kind of woman people stare at too long in grocery stores and then pretend they weren’t looking.

I like late nights.

Music too loud in the car.

Voice notes that turn dangerous after midnight.

Men who can actually hold a conversation without steering it straight into “u up?” territory.

Please have depth.

Or at least be funny enough to distract me.

I love attention.

Not possession.

There’s a difference.

I want chemistry.

Tension.

The kind of flirting that builds slowly and then suddenly all at once.

I want somebody who knows how to tease.

How to talk.

How to look at me like they already know this is a bad idea… and stay anyway.

And let’s dead this now:

Yes, I like tall men.

But some of you shorter men move through the world with the confidence of a man who’s never once doubted himself and honestly?

That’s dangerous.

I’m busy during the day.

Work. Kids. Life.

But if I’m interested?

You’ll know.

I’ll send pictures.

Voice notes.

Random thoughts at 1 a.m.

Songs that reminded me of you for no reason.

And then I might disappear for a day because my ADHD pulled me into another dimension.

Relax. I’ll come back.

If we’ve talked before and you bored me into cardiac arrest… please don’t reapply.

This is a summer position only.

Competitive candidates preferred.

Take me somewhere near water.

Bring good music.

Smell good.

Be interesting.

I’ll handle the rest.

Married but emotionally unfulfilled and missing the kind of connection that makes your day feel lighter. I’m hoping to find someone I can talk to openly, share thoughts with, and build a genuine connection without judgment or pressure. Discretion is important to me, and I respect boundaries completely. I enjoy consistent conversations throughout the day, random check-ins, good humor, and having someone who makes me smile when I see their name pop up. Purely online, no expectations of changing either of our situations, just a meaningful connection that feels easy and real.

Definitely past my usual bedtime, and just seeking a little conversation with a man who is also married before sleep finds me. I’m not looking for anything serious or life-changing, more like something casual and fun that can be just tonight or something ongoing. Let’s just see how we get along.

I’m reasonably normal with a curious side. I enjoy things like boating, theater, movies, bike riding, and raising tropical fish so I’m definitely not cool. I do miss some of the banter and flirting that sometimes goes missing when you’re married, and I like to find someone who experiences the same. I like someone who is a little silly, likes conversation instead of 20 questions, and has a real life, but sometimes enjoys a little escape.

If this is you, and you’re over 30 and hopefully on the same continent, tell me something about you like your age and where you might be from and let’s talk a bit.

I miss the kind of conversation that starts with a random opinion about whether pineapple belongs on pizza and somehow ends three hours later with neither of us having a clue where the time went.

I’m looking for a man who is intelligent enough to challenge me, confident enough not to be threatened by me, and funny enough to make me snort-laugh at inappropriate moments. Someone who can dish it out, take it back, and knows the difference between banter and being a jerk.

Please be emotionally stable, intellectually curious, and CONSISTENT. I’d love to meet someone ethnically TAMIL OR MALLU—not because it’s a requirement, but because sometimes it’s nice not to spend twenty minutes explaining why three aunties are suddenly involved in a life decision or why I buy rice by the kilograms.

And what do I bring to the table?

Confidence. Wit. Conversation. Questionable life choices. An unhealthy relationship with books. The rest, you’ll have to discover yourself.

If you’re convinced you’re my dream man, send a message. If you’re wrong, at least make it entertaining.

It’s been such a trigger for me recently. If I brush them when I’m laying down or if they press against something just right I can’t help myself. Rolling them between my fingers , taking two finger tips and rubbing into them like I do with my clit. Meanwhile I’m making my pussy clench and pulse while I watch dirty videos and gifs. Practicing how I would milk a cock fucking me. My nipples are getting so pink and sensitive.

Hello everyone! Like the title says I've been lurking on the subreddit for awhile now but never interacted. Not exactly sure what changed but guessed I was inspired to try. I'm a married mother of two who just seems to be losing the spark as we all call it and just looking for something to look forward to. I hate saying this out loud but I am successful in my field which I think is a part of the reason things are rough with my husband so if that's an issue for you please pass.

A little bit more about me:

I was a college athlete and still make fitness a big part of my life. I consider myself a jack of all trades with a lot of different random interests so there's always something we can connect on whether it be nerdy, sporty, or other. Hope to hear from you!

I’m not great at writing these as my mind tends to and I can end up babbling. I’m 5’7, HWP (Grecian statue), long brown hair, blue eyes, and skin pale as porcelain with a smattering of freckles all over. I’m kind and sweet. I’m funny and intelligent. I’m educated, 2 degrees. I have my blinding moments of stupidity at times.

I like all things cute. I have hobbies. I have interests. I even have a dog. No human children.

I am married. I will not change my situation or yours. That’s not what I’m after. I’m looking for a guiding hand and someone who knows how to support their little girl-especially emotionally. I crave affection and tenderness, someone sweet and someone who adores me.

I want someone I can devote myself to just as I want someone to be devoted to me. I want to be adored. I want someone I can be my real self with and develop a long lasting dynamic. I need someone to help me push all the doubts out of my head. I need someone who’s gentle and understanding. Someone with patience who can be firm but ultimately has the biggest soft spot for me in their heart.

I dislike having my time wasted, so, please, don’t send me recycled nonsense, or the cookie cutter responses you send to everyone. I’m not desperate. I also don’t need sex all the time so if that’s what you need, move along to the next one. Let me repeat myself, I AM NOT LOOKING FOR STRICTLY SEX. The kind of dynamic I’m looking for is special and sweet with the right man.

Hey fellas 🖤

31-year-old lady from down under Australia. I'm a little 5'2 tatted 'goth girl' looking for someone like-minded with similar interests to talk to and bonus if we play games together and you have great music taste.

A little about me.

I love the outdoors and going for walks/ hikes and camping especially with my dog.

I'm an animal lover so send me those pet pics!

I'm usually at a concert most weekends. Music is very important to me. I'm into metalcore and post hardcore. I would also love any music recommendations you have!

I game most nights after work to keep my mind of reality. Horror games are my favourite. I'm also obsessed with anything paranormal.

Im looking for someone who appreciates me and gives me a reason to check my phone during work. I don't get much attention at home unfortunately so I look for it elsewhere. I'm married but no kids only my fur and scale baby.

ONLY looking for like minded people so if we don't have similar interests or if there is lack of conversation, one word answers and copy and paste intros I'm not interested. I know what I like and dont so I come across very bunt but I don't like my time being wasted.

🦇

A marriage poisoned, left you yearning
Has sent you here in hopes of earning
The partner you so desire
Who sits behind this poem cure
With witty charm and clever allure
To stoke your inner fire

A handsome dad, who’s hair still grows
And all his teeth (fuck the bar’s low)
Anticipates with bated breath
He’s had some luck a time or two
Perhaps his next partner could be you
Or is this post and OA death

This lyricist, this nerdy DILF
Seeks to find his counterpart MILF
To brighten each others’ moods
A great sense of humor, a sexy smile
A lust for life goes a country mile
But I’ll also just accept some nudes

Wait, don’t go! Don’t run away yet
The last line was just a vibe check
For a laugh or an eye roll
Let’s keep light, you’re free tonight
DM this poet if the vibe feels right
And we can see where this thing goes

SUMMARY:
Fun, hot, and tall dad, lots of hobbies, and time to give this

You:
Fun and hot mom, with time and effort to give this

*notabot

Edit: damn! 3 minutes up and a downvote 😂😂

Edit 2: fuck AI I don’t need that trash

Edit 3: doubt my skills? Send me a topic, I’ll rhyme it back and continue to rock it

Unfortunately getting that itch again… of starting something exciting with someone new. Knowing damn well that one of us will slow-fade or full on ghost into nothingness in just a few short weeks.

I will list all my red flags at first, so hopefully that will deter a lot of people off the bat:

🚩 I shut down instead of open up (especially after I get to know someone a bit, at first I’m usually just word vomiting everything on the table)

🚩 My fear of failure is larger than fear of rejection. I’ll first go to “I should have known better” rather than try to learn from my mistakes

🚩 I struggle to express my needs. I might not have a very good understanding of what it is I need myself, therefore it is difficult for others to know what it is they should be doing

🚩 I’m more afraid of being needed than being ignored (avoidant attachment)

Now, some positives about me:
I like fun, I don’t usually reply with one word answers (unless I’m being cross), I have a lot of time to chat especially throughout the day, I’ll send you pics of my cooking, I can maybe make you laugh if you have a similarly shitty sense of humor, aaaaaannndddd… hmm, my face I guess isn’t that horrible to look at.

Some traits I’m usually attracted to: confidence, kindness, independence, that similarly shitty humor… not taking yourself and everything else too seriously, and, well, I do enjoy a bit of horniness.. 👹

Edit ✍️ to add: I’ll most likely respond to ages 25-45ish

So I've been sitting here thinking about what I want to say. I know what I want, but its hard to describe. I want someone I cant wait to see and hear from. I want someone I find ridiculously sexy and they feel the same way about me. I want late night conversations about life and if the moon is actually made out of cheese. I want someone to care about. I want someone to find intimacy with. I want a friendship and so much more. I've found it before so I know it's possible, but its so rare.

I am a 36 year old woman. Im married, but not for too, too much longer (fingers crossed), and I have one young child. I work in healthcare and I dont love it, but I dont hate it either. Im a nerd. I love to read and watch movies. I love legos and games. I like to have fun. I like to laugh. I've been told im quite funny, but thats a matter of opinion..haha. I am an unapologetic liberal and I cant see myself ever getting along with someone who is on the opposite side...at least not in a romantic/friendship kind of way. Im tall, BBW but I am on a weight loss journey currently. I have brown hair, glasses, and hazel eyes.

Im looking for a man who knows who he is and what he wants. A man that has confidence and charisma. A man who can make me laugh and make me wet. Maybe even at the same time?! Haha. I love nerds. I love dad bods. I love beards and body hair. I need someone who has emotionally maturity. I need someone who has time for this. I have a desk job and can chat pretty regularly throughout the workdays and also on weekends and evenings. I have the time and attention to give to someone special, I just need to find him. Truth of the matter is that im fucking lonely and im tired of feeling like this. I need someone who wants to get to know me and care about me. Someone who brightens my day.

Preferably you are 33 to 53, I do tend to get along better with men my age and older. Im in the est time zone and would prefer someone from the US.

So this is me throwing my line in the pind, once again..hoping to catch something worthwhile.

Send me a message if you are interested.

Thanks for reading ❤️

Heya flirty friends! It’s unusual to have a slow Friday night and time for a good chat, but here I am. Not new to this rodeo, but there is a whole lot of clowns. Therefore I try not my find myself here often. I’m 31, fit, attractive and someone you’d never think to find here. I’m a mom before anything and it’s better if you call yourself daddy. I could spill my guts talking about myself, but it’s better to let your mind wonder and jump in my inbox to find out. I’m cute, easy to talk to, and a good time with no drama.

What I’m looking for: handsome is a must. Call me shallow, but I’m not here to settle or downgrade. Between 30-40 works best for you. Since I know many will ask what’s my “type”: I’m into tall, in shape, usually go for dark hair and eyes but not a must.

Anyways, slide in my DMs. I promise im chill.

Good afternoon,

I’m a smart, educated, reserved woman who needs a place where I don’t have to be the one in charge. I need a confident Dom who has experience with online dynamics. I’m looking for structure, schedules, expectations. I want your influence to be on my mind at all times.

Deep down I’m a good girl who doesn’t ever get to just breathe and let go. I’m looking for a serious long term dynamic and am not looking to rush anything. Submission means something to me, and it should you too. I want to see that you are typing a message and my heart races wondering what you might say to me next. I need you to be older than me, I prefer saying “ Yes Daddy” but I can use Sir if needed. Please help me release what I have to lock away.

I work, have a family, and so should you. I am not available 24/7. Please be in the eastern time zone or similar.

I’m committed at home in an LTR \*he does not know I am here\* so it’s very clear and mods can see this. That being said, I need a lot of attention so here I am hoping to find someone with lots of time to give, and who is interested in forming a connection without needing to know where it’s going. 

I am attracted to many types, however I will put highest effort into conversations that have a face to go along with them. (What this really means is..) I will want to see you right off the bat — attraction absolutely matters. If you do not want to do that, your choice, but do not message me thinking I’ll make an exception or change my mind. 

I’m a huge fan of voice calls / notes. I like a steady stream of interaction. Don’t ask boring questions - the art of conversation is lost on some. Ideally we’ll land in Telegram or Discord.    

Major bonus points for knowing my title reference :) 

I'm not happy any more and I need some love again. I want a man who can satisfy me. Who makes me feel good and loved. Who gives me everything I want. I finally wanna have some orgasms... I don't care where you come from or your age (18+ is a must). About me:
German, 5'2, busty, brown hair, kinda kinky and freaky. What I'm looking for: age doesn't matter, hung, I love hair, I don't care about a skinny guy, a sexy dad bod or a muscle guy.