Losing Interest Post-Breakup with Vanilla Partner
(Throwaway btw)
I (M22) recently got out of a 4.5 year relationship with my HS girlfriend. First love and all that and breakup was pretty mutual; she is and was wonderful. I told her about ABDL roughly 2 years into our relationship probably, and it was by far one of the hardest things I ever did. I thought I’d take it to the grave. But, she was great at reassuring me and comforting me and made me feel okay about it. :)
Throughout the next 2.5 years, it got brought up here and there, but it never got intertwined into our sex life. I showed her my supplies and outfits and all that after another year or two, to which I got a warm response. She was always VERY very reassuring that it was okay, though I could never get the courage to fully describe and plan an evening for a “scene” or some sort of way to introduce her more to it (which she said she’d be okay to try, albeit, maybe uncomfortable) I guess I hoped for more curiosity/questions from her and maybe even some initiative to encourage an evening for it, but it never came around, which always bummed me out.
Anyways, since nothing ever came from it and there was still some hesitation/uncertainty on her part, I think I gradually started pushing down my ABDL side towards the end of our relationship, which undoubtedly led to some of the friction between us. I found myself less drawn towards wearing and role playing alone, I started trying to get into more vanilla porn, etc etc. not necessarily because I consciously wanted to get away from ABDL, but more so because I had started getting a little bummed when I indulged or wanted to indulge, so it was easier to just set it aside… My sex drive in general was decreasing too.
Anyways, this trend of losing interest sort of continued until we broke up about a month ago. I feel like I’ve lost so much of the ABDL part of myself, which sucks because even though it’s created some turmoil in my life, it’s a part of my personality and sexuality that I really cherish and am somewhat proud of. It was the first thing that ever aroused me, and I’ve made lots of strides to feel less shameful about it.
I’m not sure what I’m here to ask. But does anyone, especially anyone older, have some advice to give around this? Is this just a general experience everyone has during breakups and difficult relationships? Did I set unrealistic expectations? Have you experienced dips like this in your ABDL side, and did it ever come back? I guess I miss how easily I could slip into that head space and be completely overtaken by it, and now I just have so much baggage associated with it.
As a long time lurker, I’m super appreciative of this Reddit and this community because it’s helped me so much. I don’t mean to create an air of shame around this, as I truly believe no one should feel bad about it. Unfortunately, that’s sort of where my personal feelings are, but I don’t mean to ruffle anyone’s feathers :) <3 Love y’all peeps!
TL;DR: Going through breakup with long term first partner who was accepting of my ABDL side, but never indulged in it. I pushed down that side of myself a lot and am now hoping to get it back somehow. Curious on advice of anyone who’s been in similar situations.