Terrible intimate date
I reconnected with an old POT I met a couple years ago, he and I aren’t seeing anyone at the moment and I was on seeking anyways. We’ve been chatting over text these last few weeks and he’s become a friend/acquaintance. I did get the sense that he might be looking for an arrangement or something because he was wanting to meet and he was also constantly wanting to see pictures of me.
He invited me out to go to the beach with him today since it was a hot day and I agreed as I didn’t have much to do. And so I met him today in the morning. I had a bikini on underneath my dress and he was really touchy from the start itself. I feel like that should’ve been my first red flag looking back, but I at the time didn’t really think much of it and didn’t reciprocate the touch. He gave me a tour of his house and finally took me to his bedroom, where he had us lay on the bed and chat a little. He had me take off my dress and so I was in my bikini. I felt a little uncomfortable but was like ok… I knew him from past m&gs, so I assumed he was not that bad of a person really. He was really touchy. Not touching me explicitly but just being really handsy while talking. He had gotten me a cute beach dress he wanted me to try, and I did, but he was just so, handsy. I’m not the type of person to flake or back out because I value keeping my word and not being a flakey person, so I felt like I couldn’t really back out from plans at that point. I told him I enjoy having racy pictures taken with partners I’m in a relationship with (and trust) on my camera roll, and only take pictures with my face unexposed, and I don’t really know how he interpreted that, but he took pictures of me with his phone. Videos of me undressing and whatnot. Quite a few of those had my face in it.
We ended up getting ready to go to the beach and we’re driving there, but the entire drive he pushed up my dress and had his hands on my leg and inner thigh. He did this the entire time we were together. Like his hands were on me or touching me the entire day. I understand playful touch but this was so overstimulating and just way too much for me. As we get closer to the beach he suddenly dumps on me that the beach we are going to is in fact a nude beach (which I had no idea of) and that we could strip down to nothing there. In my head I’m like… “ok…” It just felt off because I had no idea about that, and with how touchy he was being it just made me uncomfortable. I kind of laughed it off but said I’d prefer to keep my clothes on. It was just like he was trying to convince me otherwise. I had nothing I could do about it either because I wasn’t driving my own car there and was stuck with him in his car and with him basically. It just felt weird because I trusted that we were going to a normal beach and that was it, but then he dumps that this is a nude beach.
Another thing I noticed was that his lock screen is a picture of me that I sent to him. It just felt weird. I’ve always asked past SDs if I could put a picture of them on my lock screen and that’s the only reason I would.
We get to the beach and unload our stuff and find a shady place to sit, and I lay down because I kind of want to relax. He kept talking and just scooting up real close to me and trying to have me put myself over him. He eventually began to tug at the strings of my bikini to try and get it off and he was still just being really handsy, even though I communicated that I was not comfortable going nude. He went completely nude as soon as we got to the beach. I did not reciprocate anything because truly on the inside if you ask me, I was uncomfortable. Like his hands were on my waist or my legs or just anywhere on me. He took off the strings on my bikini and I didn’t really let him pull it off but he kept trying to. I eventually decided to get nude because there hardly was anyone and he was also nude. I was just uncomfortable though. I understand the concept of a nude beach but I don’t really want to be nude myself. I don’t truly feel comfortable doing that. He also wanted to take pictures of my body, nude. I declined that saying I wasn’t very comfortable. He ended up taking a picture or two anyways. I don’t really know if he understood consent or not but it was just uncomfortable.
I am unwaxed in my bikini area because I haven’t been in an arrangement as of recently, so I haven’t really had the motivation to wax myself. That being said I do regularly wax and use an epilator on my legs and the surrounding area. I was not expecting some semi-random man to try and get to my privates.
He’s rubbing my feet and looking at my legs and stuff and I’m trying really hard to pretend not to notice or anything, which it wasn’t even that great of a foot massage, and while we are butt naked eating a fruit salad, he asked how often I shave. First of all, who asks that? And sometimes a hair or two is missed but why the hell would you bring that up anyways? He then comments on how my pubic hair is kind of sparse and how I did not shave down there. This just made me really uncomfortable and it put me on the spot. I told him that I use an epilator but sometimes a hair or two gets missed because hair removal takes time. I also said that I haven’t been in an arrangement in a while and so I haven’t had the motivation to wax my entire bikini area and do a full Brazilian because it is very time and energy consuming, but I do it regularly when I’m in an arrangement. I had my arms over my chest crossed and my legs tight together while sitting up because he still tried to meander his hands down to my groin and touch my pubic hair. Ohmygod it was so weird. He then says “I like giving oral so I like it shaved, or clean, but this is fine, you know.”
Then he takes my hands sometime later and he comments on my nails and exclaims that my nails aren’t done. I play a musical instrument and my workplace does not allow any nail polish/long nails and so I cannot have long nails or very artsy nails. I keep my nails very short and as close to natural as possible. I mentioned that to him. He’s still inspecting my nails and he then says, “I usually like my date’s nails to be done, like simple and just a bit longer than this, but semi short.” It was just like he was trying to pick at my appearance. And so I replied saying I can’t have long/flashy nails and tell him that I also don’t get my nails done as it is way too expensive to get my nails done on a constant basis, but am more than happy to if my partner is willing to pay for it.
But it was just like, who says that? Who inspects someone’s tiny tiny details and feels so entitled to make a comment about their body? Have some men collectively forgotten basic manners of that if something about someone’s physical appearance cannot be changed in a minute or less, then you shouldn’t be making a comment on it?
And the pictures. He just kept trying to take pictures of me and trying to convince me to stay naked. It was way too much for me and so pushy, especially with his handy nature. I got up to go use the restroom and put my dress on for that and didn’t take it off after. Even despite that he still kept trying to pull up my dress up my legs and touch my inner thighs. I was just so uncomfortable. I felt like I kept having to eat the food we brought for what I thought was going to be a normal picnic so that I didn’t have to kiss him or anything.
On the car ride back to his house, he had his hand on my leg touching me and semi groping me the entire, the entire time, and it was so so so so so overstimulating. I was really done and just wanted to go home.
The entire day he was acting like he wanted to have sex. It was just really uncomfortable. By that point I felt somewhat deceived thinking that I thought this would just be a regular sugar friend hang out but I was led on into becoming easy meat for the day. I’ve met with sugar friends (male and female) in the past, so sugar friend hangouts aren’t really that uncommon for me. I should’ve known better but he really made it seem innocent.
When we got back to his house, we got into his hot tub. He was being handsy then too. I kind of wish I had the guts to just say that I wanted to go home because I was tired but I don’t know why I didn’t. It’s the first time I haven’t really stood up for myself.
He was taking racy photos/videos of me the entire while, while I was basically stripped. My face was in those photos and videos and what makes me more uncomfortable is that they are on his phone, not mine, so I can’t control what happens to those photos or videos. If any of those photos/videos got out, I don’t know what I’d do. They’d likely have a serious impact on my career or image.
Eventually we were back in his bedroom and he was giving me a massage. I guess I consented to the sex because I knew it was going to happen by then. I was hardly even into it. The massage was ok. He was so bad with sex though. I could not find myself enjoying it, even as a casual encounter. He kept touching the same place and just making me even more sensitive and overstimulated than I already was, he bit me which I kicked him off when he did that, and it was just really lack luster and not fun.
I really just wanted to get it over with. He was giving a massage and he pushed himself inside of me and I almost screamed Bloody Mary and shed a tear or two. He was really girthy in size, like short in length but really girthy. Think of like 3 ikea sized medium girth hotdogs together, draw a circle around that, and that’s his girth. Or think of like a soda can. He was really girthy. I was also hardly even lubricated because I wasn’t aroused at all. It was so painful that I had to stop thrice. I am not really a size queen. In the past I dropped a SD I got together with as sweet as he was because he was just way too girthy. I can’t smile my way through painful sex. The truth is I love average sized and average girth men.
He was also not the best kisser, like he was biting and tugging and I just couldn’t. Like he was biting and tugging while giving oral too and it was just really.. not so fun. At some point I clearly told him it hurts and he goes “so many demands!”
I ended up doing reverse cowgirl half the entire time we were having sex because I didn’t even want to look at him. The sex felt so lack luster. He wanted to take videos of us having sex and I told him no. He was playfully whining about not having videos to watch and I told him he could make mental videos instead and just laughed it off. The sex was just really painful for me no matter what position I did. I have no idea how his previous SBs lasted.
The sex finished after he finished and he was still trying to touch me. We get into the shower to wash off and after washing off he pulls me onto the bed into his lap (while we’re still naked…) and jokes around about me trying to seduce him into doing it a second time. Mind you, I was so sore. I had something later that evening and reminded him that we were cutting close on time (we had been together for almost 6-7 hours by then…) as I needed to leave to get to where I had to be on time.
He told me he was so surprised and didn’t even expect any of this (the sex) to happen and I really just wanted to laugh in his face and tell him “well yeah, with how handsy you were today I bet you weren’t expecting this at all.” I was icked out. He talked about wanting to possibly have an arrangement or something of the sorts, and I was assuming 4x a month, which is what I want—weekly dates. He tells me he only wants to do 2x a month, which is fine, whatever. In that case I would not be exclusive and I was honest about that with him and told him I’d want to see and sleep with other men, as in having another SD. I told him I’d want to use protection with everyone. I don’t know why he thought this doesn’t apply to him, so he was ok with me having other partners but wanted to not use a condom. Make that make sense. He gave the usual “I have a vasectomy” and “I only have sex with one person” spiel, but in my head I’m thinking that, I’m not having sex with just him, I’ll likely have another SD. I don’t think wearing a condom is the end of the world.
He gave me an envelope with a ppm inside of it and I left after that.
What worries me are the photos and videos he took of me. All of it is on his phone and I have no idea what to do. I was honestly worried the entire time that photos/videos were being taken because I’m worried about it getting leaked. He didn’t try to understand why I only wanted to take photos without my face exposed and kept trying to subtly convince me otherwise. More so than anything, that is the part that makes me a bit nervous. He kept trying to get photos of my nude body. I’m worried what he might do with those photos or where he might save them to even if he deletes it. As I mentioned earlier, he made one of my face photos his lock screen and I know him, but hardly even so aside from a couple platonic m&g dates.
Later today evening I sent him a text asking him to kindly delete the photos/videos that include my face in it as I’d like to protect my privacy, and I trust him to do so in good faith but he has not replied to my message as he usually does. Additionally, my message does not show “delivered” as it usually does even though the message sent through. I don’t know if he’ll reply to be honest. If anything happened, I have his full name and know where he lives so it’s not like I’m at a complete loss but it just makes me really uncomfortable that someone who I don’t really plan to continue seeing or continuing any contact with or whatever has face-in and nude pictures of me that they’re probably using for whatever they want, however they want.
Later that night I was thinking back on what happened today and feel really stupid. I won’t ever make any mistake like this and won’t meet any SD sugar friends as a friend. Part of this is my fault but I just feel deceived and a little disgusted too. I wish I stepped away earlier and went home earlier, but I don’t know why I didn’t have the guts to do it like I always do. Part of me was bound to sticking through with the plan out of not wanting to be the type of date that “flakes” or whatnot.
I don’t know. I had a bad experience and a lot of it was my fault. I just needed to get it off my chest. I feel kind of bad, like a live fleshlight or something. There’s nothing wrong with wanting casual sex, but there is something very wrong about leading someone on who trusts you to a certain extent and solely trying to get sex out of them when they aren’t aware of that.