u/xmas7077

So a semi celebrity (think socials famous) that is well known to me but not to her reached out to my wife on one of the apps presenting himself as a single person but I dont think he is because he is also using a pseudonym. Now, my wife is SUPER turned on by the somewhat famous aspect...something we have never talked about. The guy isnt really even her type and knowing this is a one off she is wanting to have a ONS which is very unlike her but I get it.

Rub- I'm a bit concerned about the fake name and I'm unsure about the fact that he is actually single.

Also- The dynamic of this situation would be here going solo although my spidey sense has me thinking I would drive to the meet up location and park to be close in case things got weird.

So my wife has an affair kink and we have semi explored that where she meets people and tells them I don’t know so all of their texts and meetings are centered around logical situations like “I’m supposed to be at work” but I read the messages and it’s fun. We had talked about her actually doing one without me knowing and telling me after but I’m feeling a little concerned about it. In order for it to work she would actually have to lie about where she way or be deceptive. Even though we would both have to agree to it being ok first, it feels a bit off. I’m also concerned she might get a lot from the rush and want it to be a regular thing.

My wife and I have gotten through some rough patches switching from mfm with a close friend to solo dates and hotwifing. I mean, even now we are kinda going through some stuff relating to the number of people she is talking to (not physically) and the amount of time that takes. So what were/are your issues and how did you overcome them? Obviously communication but how did you do so?

We had a rougher start than most maybe or maybe not. Feels, to me, like the start for most might be rough when everyone is figuring everything out and learning to communicate. If you’ve followed our ups and downs at all you’d know we took a break because we couldn’t find common ground but after time off and some non related external family issues we spent some time discussing what we both wanted and needed and why and we are back to trying… for me I need the 3sms and to be included in texting (screenshots) and some other things… and for her she needs independence and her own side person, separate from our mutual person… we have been back for a month or so with check ins and while it hasn’t been perfect it’s been much better for the both of us. Excited to see what comes out of this time…

This is not erotica, this is not a fake story, this is just our journey over the past year our ups and downs and why we ended...

Recently after almost a year since what started this all, we are bringing it to a close. No fight or betrayal just a realization of incompatibility of desires. We explored every possible scenario that could bring us equal joy but it just never happened.

We had dabbled in swinger type stuff when we first got totgether but it just wasnt for us. We never had 4 way connections and I always refused to let anyone touch her that I didnt think deserved her and she really didnt enjoy seeing me with females and she is for sure not bi... We had several kids in that period so most of the time we took it off sometimes having a friend of mine join us. Good looking nice guy that we trusted... She knew I was ok with seeing her and there was somewhat of an unspoken knowlege that I was open to other guys joining...

The start was a little cheating a little not... Long story short she went to a surprise birthday part for family friends and someone had to watch kids. Was no big deal happens both ways often. However, unbeknownst to both of us the best friend of the birthday person who lives a 6 hour flight away was going to show up and I didnt know until later this was also my wifes childhood crush. There were drinks, flirting, and some kissing... My wife got homeand told me what had happened and she was relieved to hear that it didnt bother me. I mean it did a little but I wouldnt realize that till later.

After talking about it and ecouraging it she tried to kindle it back up but he was so far away it wasnt going to be feasible. Seeing her excited was fun but when we discussed it, she was hoping to meet him alone. i wasnt oppossed to is but it was the first fracture.

We went onto apps and had some luck. My wife is quite fit and quite beautiful so we are lucky that interest in her is high and we live in a densely populated part of CA. The method was I would search, find, vet, then we would have a group chat. Our first meeting with someone who we had talked to for a while didnt go as planned because as we were both preparing to mid day meet him, our child care fell through and I stayed back. They had drinks and sat in the car and talked and as youd have it, fooled around a little but nothing too wild.

We discussed everything and through that she expressed how she preferred to have solo meetings and solo chats. I have been around enough to know that, for me, this mainly revolves around seeing my wife happy but not at the expense of my well being. Solo was definitely something I never had interest in. I have always wanted to 3sm or at the very least watch. Yet, I was willing to try, and we did... Her next meet up was at a hotel by herself, it was filmed for me but in the excitement of everyting some boundaries were crossed. At the time I was a mess, later i would understand a little better.

Unfortunately for me the guy was new to everything lifestyle wise and my presence made it almost impossible for him to perform. So after more conversations my wife offered for me to go out on my own and I did.

I had the opportunity to mirror what she was doing and also to meet with couples. The best part was the talking and being desired. Things that were said both by me or to me that I dont think id say on a group chat with my wife. Yet when it came to doing the deed, it wasnt the same without her. For me the excitement is the forbidden WITH my wife. Yes the sex was fun and great but the drive home was lonely. Nothing like after someone leaves and its just us and the excitment is still there.

This being her first time she kinda went all in on the emotional connection so when he ended after 4 months, she struggled but got back on the horse. We had a new person and she handled it better BUT the lingering issue being what she wanted and what I wanted were different. She doesnt enjoy moresomes and being watched and I dont want to go out without her or just be left at home... We tried to find a way to make it work but in the end we just couldnt.

She and I have amazing sex just about every day and some days 2-3 times. It was like that before all of this and its continued since. One thing that was a super positive was the communication it took and the fights about it we got through and the closeness that resulted. There is no doubt that our relationship grew in ways I didnt even know existed.

Its a bummer that its ending for now and maybe forever and thats ok. It was fun shile it lasted and I hope those who want to try get the chance. Its not for the faint at heart or the jealous... If there are cracks in your relationship this will find them.

So to be clear we started all of this with my best friend so that’s probably about as close as you can get but he is in my long long long time circle of trust.. the situation I am talking about is this…
We ventured onto tinder and had someone from our community that is stationed here while his wife is back where they are from. As far as we know he is ENM. Our concern is that we are certainly not “out of the closet” so he poses a bunch of risks. Especially for those who don’t understand the dynamic and would view my wife as not safe for couples to be around and viewing me as a cuckoo which I am certainly not and don’t want to be viewed as.

For clarification or current dynamic - We are looking for a solo boyfriend for her …and for me my friend joins us for 3sms and sprinkle in the occasional random…. She does the 3sms for me, it’s not her favorite…I did to some solo dating and meeting with couples but for me, I get next to no enjoyment without my wife. She’s the best I’ve ever had and my control group is big enough to know.

For both hotwives and husbands to answer I guess.

Wives: Are you in any way internalizing or thinking about your “number”? If not, have you ever or if so how are you processing it internally?

Husbands: Do you think about the number at all?

I introduced my wife to all of this and before me her number was relatively low as she was mainly in LTRs so in a short period of time we have doubled her number. Recently she has shifted from wanting a relationship esque one guy to wanting to try a little more casual and playing the field. - mainly because the ending of the last one was difficult.

I don’t care about the number but I’m thinking about bringing it up to her and telling her it’s not an issue at all. I’m just wondering if by doing so I am planting a seed that I don’t want to plant. She hasn’t said a word and this could all be in my head so wanted to get the opinions of those here.