should I go to a psychiatrist for this?
Hii, i am 13f, yes im aware that im a bit young to be on reddit. I’ve always suspected hypersexuality. Since I was four, I’ve had very high libido and I was exposed to pornography. I have really bad intrusive thoughts a lot of the time, and I see family, friends, animals and small children in ways I wish I could obliterate from my mind. I feel oddly disgusting afterwards. I’ve only opened up to an adult about it once and they told me it was just because I was a teenager and then I refrained from telling anybody about it till now, since I felt really invalidated and like I wasn’t being taken seriously. Earlier this year I was very depressed. I was SHing (self harming) and not taking care of myself properly except for showering. The thing is, showering was actually deteriorating my MH. I had very bad arachnophobia, eating disorder (undiagnosed but likely) and suspected hypersexuality. I would get into the shower and make it piping hot. My thought process was that I needed to burn the spiders off of me since I sometimes felt them crawling on me through fear. Something else I would do in the shower was scrub myself until I looked like a tomato because I felt so disgusting and uncomfortable in my own skin knowing what I was thinking about literal ANIMALS and family… I would also try and make myself throw up from three things, feeling gross about myself and something telling me I deserved it in my mind, an ED and the thought that I wanted to look just as sick as I felt, since I was always having my feelings downplayed or told that it wasn’t that serious since I was only 12 at the time so I wanted validation for feeling how I felt. I’m better(ish) now but here’s my main problem. I’ve been having wet dreams about this one specific cousin. I’m gonna call him cherry. We see eachother rarely but I find myself glancing his way a moment too long sometimes and when I’m around him or even just seeing a photo of him my “hypersexuality” (I don’t have a word for it) spikes up. It just skyrockets and feels so much worse than normal. I have 🍇 fantasies about cherry and I’m really scared I’ll fall back into my old coping mechanisms if this persists. I’ve been hanging out with him more than usual too which doesn’t help at all. Which really sucks is that I love spending time with him as a cousin, but I feel so out of control of my own mind. I never have and never will agree with incest, but my brain keeps pushing otherwise and it feels like I’m in a constant battle with my mental health. Therapy is expensive and my dad is one of the people who tells me to just tough it out and that he doesn’t wanna waste money on therapy I apparently don’t need. I just want to hear any advice on what to do in my situation and I’d really appreciate it if there were a diagnosed hypersexual that could help me out. I hope nobody I know irl will find this