r/JapanDating

So there's this Japanese girl I've been contacting virtually for around 3 years. We first met (virtually) through our respective universities' language exchange program, which made us communicate with zoom calls and line messages for 3 months.

After the program ended, we stopped chatting for like 3-4 months, but resumed our meetings so she could practice English and I could practice Japanese. Ever since, we've been chatting through zoom 1-3 times a month depending on how our schedules are. We also occasionally share our photos (just regular daily life photos and travel pics) or chat on line. I used to think of her as a really good friend, but recently realized I started developing feelings for her.

We've actually been planning on meeting each other for a while, but the plans all got scrapped because of work and other commitments. However, in August, I will be visiting Japan with my family and will be meeting her for the first time in person (my family will be doing something else while we meet). I know actually meeting her in person could change my mind, but my current plan is confessing.

The issue is that I don't know when I should. Here are my options:

1. I feel like if I confessed right after meeting and she rejected, the rest of our time together would be super awkward. Also, she asked me to get her a symbolic gift for her from my hometown so I picked out a bracelet, which she told me she really liked during zoom. The bracelet isn't super expensive, but I'll be giving it to her when we first meet, so I feel like I would be pressuring her by giving her the gift and confessing.

2. If I confessed at the end, I feel like I would be pressing her for an immediate response because I'm flying back home the day after I meet her. I know I can say stuff like すぐに答えなくても大丈夫だけど, but I still feel like I would be pressuring her to think on the spot. Maybe I'm overthinking this one because in the past, I had some bad experience with someone confessing me and pressuring me to respond immediately.

3. I've also been considering telling her I have feelings for her on zoom and asking her to decide once we actually meet and spend time together. I kinda like this one because I wouldn't be pressuring her too much, but I'd much rather confess in person than on zoom.

Also, I'd likely be moving to Japan for work in about a year and a half for purely work-related reasons, so the long distance aspect wouldn't necessarily be permanent.

I know I'm probably thinking too much, but please help. Any advice or idea would be appreciated!

I hope it's okay to ask this here.

I moved to Tokyo in March for work. I've lived in Japan before, but this is my first time dating here. I'm planning to stay for at least a few years, so I'm looking for a serious relationship.

I matched with a Japanese man (mid-40s) on Bumble. He owns his own company and divorced about a year ago after a long marriage. He has two daughters (late teens/20s) who live with their mother. His profile says he's looking for a partner, and on our first date he said the same. Later, though, he mentioned that he's really enjoying his freedom and current lifestyle, which left me confused.

On our first date, I asked whether he wanted more children because his profile didn't mention it. He said, "Maybe not, but if it's the right person, then for her maybe, yes," and acknowledged that he knew from my profile that I do want kids. We had a conversation about this, including my relationship goals, but nothing has come up since.

We had a great first date (museum+lunch+coffee), then a second dinner date where we clicked really well. He held my hand on the walk home from date two and kissed me goodbye. Our third date was this past Thursday: we spent the day driving around Kamakura to see temples/the ocean, had dinner afterward, and he asked if I wanted to stay over. Throughout the day, he was affectionate and held my hand a lot. He planned things and was very thoughtful. When we talked and joked, it felt like we had known each other much longer than we have. Overall, he seemed intentional, and I felt we clicked really well in many ways.

Here's where I'm confused. If this were happening in the U.S., by the third date I'd expect at least some conversation about whether we're still seeing other people. Neither of us has brought it up, and we're both still on Bumble. I considered pausing the app so I could focus on getting to know him, but it felt strange to do that without having talked about it.

Then yesterday morning I asked over text if he wanted to meet that day. He replied that he was doing his hobby. I said, "Okay, so you're busy this weekend, right?" About seven hours later, he replied that he was actually taking his daughters somewhere this weekend.

That part confused me. It's a three-day weekend, so spending time with his daughters makes sense. I just wasn't sure why he didn't mention it from the beginning. He had also previously told me he rarely gets to see them, so why didn't he tell me on Thursday, something like, I am excited to see my kids this weekend! The delayed reply also surprised me because he's usually very responsive. I understand people have lives, but the long delay until dinner time felt weird, especially on a Saturday. I know he is always on his phone for work too.

So I'm wondering whether I'm misunderstanding the cultural side of things or simply overthinking an early-stage relationship.

Is it common in Japan to avoid conversations about exclusivity after several nice dates? Is it normal for both people to stay active on dating apps until someone brings it up? Or does this sound less like a cultural difference and more like someone who, after a divorce, isn't ready for a lifestyle change and a serious relationship despite saying he's looking for one?

I'm used to dating in the U.S., so I think that I am missing some cultural context around dating here. I realize that the pace is confusing to me. I also understand that in Japanese culture, people take more space, maybe, and they like to balance their lives with many things scheduled in, while in the US there is more of a trend to focus on a new relationship and person when you are excited about them.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experience dating in Japan. Thanks!

Do locals often make use of them? Have you yourself made use of one?

I have always wanted to date or have friends outside my culture. Maybe date a Japanese girl or be friends. But no clue how and where to start on this. Any ideas or tips?

I've never had yellow fever. I'm stuck here because of work. I pretty much hate j women at this point. I’m incapable of having a personality, due to mental and physical health issues. But, I do have more money then most. I don’t want a relationship. I just want to fuck shallow 20 year olds. how can I use my money to get laid reliably without any legal risks?