r/SubsShowingOff

I really want to get extrem humiliated and feel pain as I said in the overline.
Name: Lasse
Location: Hamburg
Age: 20
Height: 1.83cm
Kinks:, humiliation, pain, cbt, body writing, bdsm, some risky public tasks, being treated like a dog, getting laught out and humiliating nicknames
Limits: face, family, friends, permanent damage, blood,
And it’s not like an limitation but I don’t really like anal I would do some anal tasks but not extreme
Penis size: soft 3-4cm, hard 9cm
Live Situation: with family
Experience: I was only ever a real online slave once for 2 weeks, and there I had to do tasks like tying up and then hitting someone's balls—just standard tasks.
Toys: chastity cage

This is going to be a weird post. I don't do well with expressing my emotions. If this feels robotic it's because removing myself from my feelings keeps me on line instead of rambling.

I do not often feel at peace. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, autism, general anxiety disorder, situationally predisposed panic disorder, clinical depression, and a whole basket of other anxiety and depressive disorders.

Very often, the things that in theory make me happy, in practice make me agitated, panicked, or depressed. A lot of aspects of this kink should make me panicky, but they don't. This kink , and bdsm in general, has always been a safe escape from my brain. In controlling others, my control of myself strengthens.

But recently some aspects of this kink have been the furthest thing from peaceful. The furthest thing from an escape. In fact, some aspects of this kink have exacerbated my mental health issues.

So now I have to choose assured peace, not happiness.

No, I will not be leaving this kink.

But I will be changing a lot of who I am within it.

One of my absolute favorite parts of this space is the friendships we can make. Not dynamics, though I love having friendships within my dynamics.

I mean other dommes . Subs who have no interest in me and I have no interest in them. Just ... Humans. People who enjoy each other for the sheer purpose of a friendship.

And yet.

Some of these friendships have pushed the boundaries of my comfort. Some of these friendships have caused me to slip into my own brain and loosen my grip so that I can't crawl back out. Some of these friendships just hurt, even if from an outside perspective there's no reason for them to hurt.

One issue with my BPD and autism is that I don't see grey areas. Things are black and white. You're either a good person or a bad person. If you do something bad, you are bad.

I know that human nature covers every shade of black, white, and grey that we can imagine. But MY nature doesn't.

The only way to avoid being friends with someone who my brain tells me is a bad person? Is to avoid making friends in general. Which I absolutely hate, but for the purpose of my mental health, has to happen.

Im not sure how that's going to look right now. Im not sure if it will even work. But it's something I'm going to work on, because my subs deserve a mentally sound domme, and I deserve peace.

I’ve always searched for a real D/S relationship.

One that helps me grow both as a person and in my submission.

I found my Queen.

She allowed me to write this and she is reading it right now.

I am obsessed with her feet and every part of her. Our relationship turned into chess lessons because she is the Queen. She created a whole universe around her and I became her pawn.

During our games she teases me, and whispers in my ear while I try to think.

She edges me slowly as the game goes on. Every mistake or lost piece comes with a punishment.

She demands a euro tribute right away and expects me to send it immediately. Game after game I become more and more submissive.

I study chess to please her, but I now crave her victories more than my own. Seeing her happy when she wins feels better than anything. Her control on the chessboard spreads into every part of our life. I worship her feet daily, obey her commands, and send tributes with real joy.

She is my Queen. I am happy to serve her completely.

Thanks u/lovely_sherry95

I am owned by SunlitGoddess-

I have known goddess for the last few months and she has made my life better in every way, she pushes me to be the best devotee for her everyday, I work everyday on the business that she owns so I can make money to make her the most spoiled goddess because she deserves an easy and fun life, I love her controlling my life and her being in charge, I have been the happiest I've ever been and will continue to worship her for as long as I can