u/flashing-colors

I'm tired. I barely slept last night. I'm full of cold medicine. This is going to be long. I'm not going to claim that it's well written. I won't even claim that it needs to be said. But I can say that everything that follows comes directly from my heart and my experience in this community.

Findom has become a watered down shell of what it once was. We are at a point that half, or, if I'm being honest, more than half of the community genuinely cannot tell the difference between dominance and just being entitled.

Reading this might make you feel like I'm gatekeeping, or implying that we should be gatekeeping this kink. Good. I'll say it verbatim. This kink? Is not entry level. It should not be accessible. It should not be easy. The moment that social media made it accessible is the moment that the kink started running it's ass down the drain. We SHOULD be gatekeeping because this is a kink that can drastically change people's lives, for better or for worse. Irresponsibility has no place in this kink, and one of the only ways to mitigate that is to gatekeep the fuck out of it.

Findom has become a trend. We've all seen , or at least heard about, the tiktoks. It's easy money. Just make an account, cuss at a few men, call them losers, and you get a free thousand sent straight to your pretty little bank account.

I hate to break it to half of you but it's not easy money. It was never supposed to be. Dominance is not laziness. It sure as hell isn't something that you should start just because you want some cash and you're already a bitch so you might as well capitalize on it.

This is a kink. Not a job, or a side hustle, or whatever else you want to call it. It. Is. A. Kink. It's psychological. It's emotional. It's sexual. It's human at its core. And with that humanity SHOULD come a fucking sense of responsibility. Empathy? Sound familiar? I doubt it because half of you don't have it.

And the part that makes me want to crawl through the screen and scream at some of y'all? The fucking community rewards everyone's bad behavior. The lazier the domme is the more upvotes and yasss queens she gets. The more reckless she is with someone else's emotions, trust, money, whatever else she's using? You guys eat that shit up. This kink was never about being better than someone else. This kink was never about ruining someone. This kink was never about hurting someone. This kink came from a place of mutual fucking trust and respect that y'all have shit out the window.

Every day we fall further into an echo chamber of the “queen shit” of irresponsible, stupid, lazy, and entitled women who wouldn't know a d/s dynamic if it pissed in their face.

I have been told time and time again that I'm not a girls girl. That I don't support my fellow queens. That I'm tearing women down. Every time I've denied it, I've tried to reason, I've tried to say well she's doing something wrong so of course I'm being mean.

Nope. I am not a girls girl. I am not supporting my fellow queens. I am tearing women down. Because I am sick and tired of opening this app every day seeing you guys jerking each other off and eating each other's asses pretending that you're dominant when all you are is entitled.

If the only comment calling out bad behavior is mine, so be it. if I drown in downvotes and hate dms and reported comments, so be it. Because I don't give a shit how you guys see me. Time and time and time again i see comment sections full of dick riding irresponsibility and I am so tired of it.

You guys need to take a day. Take a damn week if you're a slow reader. And research this kink. Research outside of this kink. Actually learn what dominance is. What submission is. Because guess what? It's not just being a bitch and getting paid for it.

We are having massive amounts of subs who walk into dommes dms expecting a,b,and c be

A massive number of submissives now walk into findom spaces expecting maximum attention, maximum access, maximum emotional labor, maximum customization, maximum sexual gratification, and maximum control over the interaction because newer dommes trained them to believe sending money automatically purchases authority over the dynamic.

Being dominant does not make you inherently more valuable than submissives. We are all humans. We are people trying to enjoy a kink. You cannot be dominant without respecting the submissive who allows you to carry that dominance.

Yes sometimes a sub is going to waste your time.

Yes sometimes a sub is going to piss you off.

Yes sometimes a sub does some fuck shit that makes you want to scream.

But automatically demeaning subs simply for identifying as submissive in the same space that you identify as dominant? It's gross. It's icky. It's cringe. It's exhausting watching it happen day after day after day.

A sub makes a post complaining about dommes.

A domme makes a post complaining about subs.

Everyone is mad at everyone.

You know why? Because most of us aren't even participating in the kink in the right way. And then we get mad that it doesn't work. We get mad that someone took our money. We get mad that we get ghosted. We get mad that someone has a different opinion than us.

If we don't cut this shit out the kink is going to keep circling the bowl until it's nothing but a shit streak, if it isn't already.

So yeah, bring back gatekeeping.

Bring back being a twat to people who don't know what they're doing.

Bring back actually learning and respecting the kink that we claim to have.

If you read this far, good for you, you get your 6 inch personal pan pizza for the month. If you're mad feel free to tell me. Critizise me. Correct me. But please for the love of god put the energy from that anger into fixing what you know you're doing wrong.

I'm tired. I barely slept last night. I'm full of cold medicine. This is going to be long. I'm not going to claim that it's well written. I won't even claim that it needs to be said. But I can say that everything that follows comes directly from my heart and my experience in this community.

Findom has become a watered down shell of what it once was. We are at a point that half, or, if I'm being honest, more than half of the community genuinely cannot tell the difference between dominance and just being entitled.

Reading this might make you feel like I'm gatekeeping, or implying that we should be gatekeeping this kink. Good. I'll say it verbatim. This kink? Is not entry level. It should not be accessible. It should not be easy. The moment that social media made it accessible is the moment that the kink started running it's ass down the drain. We SHOULD be gatekeeping because this is a kink that can drastically change people's lives, for better or for worse. Irresponsibility has no place in this kink, and one of the only ways to mitigate that is to gatekeep the fuck out of it.

Findom has become a trend. We've all seen , or at least heard about, the tiktoks. It's easy money. Just make an account, cuss at a few men, call them losers, and you get a free thousand sent straight to your pretty little bank account.

I hate to break it to half of you but it's not easy money. It was never supposed to be. Dominance is not laziness. It sure as hell isn't something that you should start just because you want some cash and you're already a bitch so you might as well capitalize on it.

This is a kink. Not a job, or a side hustle, or whatever else you want to call it. It. Is. A. Kink. It's psychological. It's emotional. It's sexual. It's human at its core. And with that humanity SHOULD come a fucking sense of responsibility. Empathy? Sound familiar? I doubt it because half of you don't have it.

And the part that makes me want to crawl through the screen and scream at some of y'all? The fucking community rewards everyone's bad behavior. The lazier the domme is the more upvotes and yasss queens she gets. The more reckless she is with someone else's emotions, trust, money, whatever else she's using? You guys eat that shit up. This kink was never about being better than someone else. This kink was never about ruining someone. This kink was never about hurting someone. This kink came from a place of mutual fucking trust and respect that y'all have shit out the window.

Every day we fall further into an echo chamber of the “queen shit” of irresponsible, stupid, lazy, and entitled women who wouldn't know a d/s dynamic if it pissed in their face.

I have been told time and time again that I'm not a girls girl. That I don't support my fellow queens. That I'm tearing women down. Every time I've denied it, I've tried to reason, I've tried to say well she's doing something wrong so of course I'm being mean.

Nope. I am not a girls girl. I am not supporting my fellow queens. I am tearing women down. Because I am sick and tired of opening this app every day seeing you guys jerking each other off and eating each other's asses pretending that you're dominant when all you are is entitled.

If the only comment calling out bad behavior is mine, so be it. if I drown in downvotes and hate dms and reported comments, so be it. Because I don't give a shit how you guys see me. Time and time and time again i see comment sections full of dick riding irresponsibility and I am so tired of it.

You guys need to take a day. Take a damn week if you're a slow reader. And research this kink. Research outside of this kink. Actually learn what dominance is. What submission is. Because guess what? It's not just being a bitch and getting paid for it.

We are having massive amounts of subs who walk into dommes dms expecting a,b,and c be

A massive number of submissives now walk into findom spaces expecting maximum attention, maximum access, maximum emotional labor, maximum customization, maximum sexual gratification, and maximum control over the interaction because newer dommes trained them to believe sending money automatically purchases authority over the dynamic.

Being dominant does not make you inherently more valuable than submissives. We are all humans. We are people trying to enjoy a kink. You cannot be dominant without respecting the submissive who allows you to carry that dominance.

Yes sometimes a sub is going to waste your time.

Yes sometimes a sub is going to piss you off.

Yes sometimes a sub does some fuck shit that makes you want to scream.

But automatically demeaning subs simply for identifying as submissive in the same space that you identify as dominant? It's gross. It's icky. It's cringe. It's exhausting watching it happen day after day after day.

A sub makes a post complaining about dommes.

A domme makes a post complaining about subs.

Everyone is mad at everyone.

You know why? Because most of us aren't even participating in the kink in the right way. And then we get mad that it doesn't work. We get mad that someone took our money. We get mad that we get ghosted. We get mad that someone has a different opinion than us.

If we don't cut this shit out the kink is going to keep circling the bowl until it's nothing but a shit streak, if it isn't already.

So yeah, bring back gatekeeping.

Bring back being a twat to people who don't know what they're doing.

Bring back actually learning and respecting the kink that we claim to have.

If you read this far, good for you, you get your 6 inch personal pan pizza for the month. If you're mad feel free to tell me. Critizise me. Correct me. But please for the love of god put the energy from that anger into fixing what you know you're doing wrong.

I'm tired. I barely slept last night. I'm full of cold medicine. This is going to be long. I'm not going to claim that it's well written. I won't even claim that it needs to be said. But I can say that everything that follows comes directly from my heart and my experience in this community.

Findom has become a watered down shell of what it once was. We are at a point that half, or, if I'm being honest, more than half of the community genuinely cannot tell the difference between dominance and just being entitled.

Reading this might make you feel like I'm gatekeeping, or implying that we should be gatekeeping this kink. Good. I'll say it verbatim. This kink? Is not entry level. It should not be accessible. It should not be easy. The moment that social media made it accessible is the moment that the kink started running it's ass down the drain. We SHOULD be gatekeeping because this is a kink that can drastically change people's lives, for better or for worse. Irresponsibility has no place in this kink, and one of the only ways to mitigate that is to gatekeep the fuck out of it.

Findom has become a trend. We've all seen , or at least heard about, the tiktoks. It's easy money. Just make an account, cuss at a few men, call them losers, and you get a free thousand sent straight to your pretty little bank account.

I hate to break it to half of you but it's not easy money. It was never supposed to be. Dominance is not laziness. It sure as hell isn't something that you should start just because you want some cash and you're already a bitch so you might as well capitalize on it.

This is a kink. Not a job, or a side hustle, or whatever else you want to call it. It. Is. A. Kink. It's psychological. It's emotional. It's sexual. It's human at its core. And with that humanity SHOULD come a fucking sense of responsibility. Empathy? Sound familiar? I doubt it because half of you don't have it.

And the part that makes me want to crawl through the screen and scream at some of y'all? The fucking community rewards everyone's bad behavior. The lazier the domme is the more upvotes and yasss queens she gets. The more reckless she is with someone else's emotions, trust, money, whatever else she's using? You guys eat that shit up. This kink was never about being better than someone else. This kink was never about ruining someone. This kink was never about hurting someone. This kink came from a place of mutual fucking trust and respect that y'all have shit out the window.

Every day we fall further into an echo chamber of the “queen shit” of irresponsible, stupid, lazy, and entitled women who wouldn't know a d/s dynamic if it pissed in their face.

I have been told time and time again that I'm not a girls girl. That I don't support my fellow queens. That I'm tearing women down. Every time I've denied it, I've tried to reason, I've tried to say well she's doing something wrong so of course I'm being mean.

Nope. I am not a girls girl. I am not supporting my fellow queens. I am tearing women down. Because I am sick and tired of opening this app every day seeing you guys jerking each other off and eating each other's asses pretending that you're dominant when all you are is entitled.

If the only comment calling out bad behavior is mine, so be it. if I drown in downvotes and hate dms and reported comments, so be it. Because I don't give a shit how you guys see me. Time and time and time again i see comment sections full of dick riding irresponsibility and I am so tired of it.

You guys need to take a day. Take a damn week if you're a slow reader. And research this kink. Research outside of this kink. Actually learn what dominance is. What submission is. Because guess what? It's not just being a bitch and getting paid for it.

We are having massive amounts of subs who walk into dommes dms expecting a,b,and c be

A massive number of submissives now walk into findom spaces expecting maximum attention, maximum access, maximum emotional labor, maximum customization, maximum sexual gratification, and maximum control over the interaction because newer dommes trained them to believe sending money automatically purchases authority over the dynamic.

Being dominant does not make you inherently more valuable than submissives. We are all humans. We are people trying to enjoy a kink. You cannot be dominant without respecting the submissive who allows you to carry that dominance.

Yes sometimes a sub is going to waste your time.

Yes sometimes a sub is going to piss you off.

Yes sometimes a sub does some fuck shit that makes you want to scream.

But automatically demeaning subs simply for identifying as submissive in the same space that you identify as dominant? It's gross. It's icky. It's cringe. It's exhausting watching it happen day after day after day.

A sub makes a post complaining about dommes.

A domme makes a post complaining about subs.

Everyone is mad at everyone.

You know why? Because most of us aren't even participating in the kink in the right way. And then we get mad that it doesn't work. We get mad that someone took our money. We get mad that we get ghosted. We get mad that someone has a different opinion than us.

If we don't cut this shit out the kink is going to keep circling the bowl until it's nothing but a shit streak, if it isn't already.

So yeah, bring back gatekeeping.

Bring back being a twat to people who don't know what they're doing.

Bring back actually learning and respecting the kink that we claim to have.

If you read this far, good for you, you get your 6 inch personal pan pizza for the month. If you're mad feel free to tell me. Critizise me. Correct me. But please for the love of god put the energy from that anger into fixing what you know you're doing wrong.

Pay day pay day

Pay day

Pay pay pay day

Day pay pay day

Pdaayy

Reminder: Throne is NOT a reliable form of AV. Read below if you need help getting AV.

Reasons why Throne is not a trustworthy form of AV:

1- They only verify your identity if you link a bank account. You do not have to link a bank account to use throne. I used throne for two months without linking my bank account, and had the blue check within the first week of creating my account.

2- You can leave your throne balance untouched and just buy things from the app and ship it to yourself without ever cashing out your balance. You can only put gifts instead of cash. You can use your throne balance to buy gift cards.

How do you AV without risking your identity?

1- you do not have to use NSFW sites to verify your age if you are concerned about complications with family or jobs.

2- Yoti ID is one of the leading sites for age verification within and outside of SW at this point in time. Having an account on yoti is not incriminating as many jobs , third party apps, and schools use Yoti.

I'm feeling burnt out on it, maybe tomorrow I'll do it a day late but otherwise I might just be skipping this week

I got a notification today that we hit a "destination" milestone in this subreddit. 2500 unique visitors weekly. Not many compared to some of the bigger subreddits, but imagine having 2500 strangers show up at your house every week.

This subreddit started off as nothing but an irritated "damn well if I can't find somewhere to post this I'll just make somewhere" and now it's a place that I can confidently say I'm proud of. It's a place to celebrate the kink, a place to learn new things, a place to seek comfort when we need it. I pride myself in picking such great moderators who help me keep this community safe, because we all deserve a safe place. And I want to thank each and every one of you for contributing and reminding us all that even though we all may be vastly different, we are all here to enjoy ourselves.

I know a lot of people fish with these posts (oh noooo I hate silent sends it would be terrible if someone did that to me ) (I just loveeee silent sends and I haven't had one in soooo long) (so on and so forth)

But I genuinely do not like them. If someone has their username attached and sends without saying anything, I'm fine, but when it's anonymous and silent it genuinely drives me insane. I don't like not knowing. Silent sends are not dominant, because I've not done anything dominant to get the send. They just showed up out of nowhere.

I've been considering taking my throne out of my links because that's the only site that I'm having this issue with, BUT I hate to because I feel that my throne shows a lot of my personality, and I know a lot of my subs use the link to quickly access my wishlist from reddit chats.

Advice? Thoughts? I prefer to actually know the person who's money is ending up in my account, but without removing my throne link idk how to block the anonymous sends.

Anyone can answer but I'm mostly leaning towards dommes and femsubs for this one , sorry guys.

Do y'all wax/shave? How much? I tend to associate bdsm with more progressive views so in my head I see a lot of dommes as super lefty gals like me , but I'm competent enough to know that the way we vote doesn't always affect the way we keep ourselves up.

I am pretty anti hair removal on my own body, my legs get waxed once a year and that's it, no shaving etc. Pits get waxed twice a year for upkeep , and when I dye my hair I usually dye my pits (and bush) to match. I only wax my bush if the dye makes it look stupid , otherwise it's just a trim , not a mow. (I do keep the back alley mowed though for convenience) I've noticed that the dommes I see are either super hairy or super hairless, very rarely in between. Where do y'all fall on the spectrum?

...all the moms in every form that word can take.

To the moms who are doing it all on their own.

The stepmoms who chose to love kids that weren’t originally theirs.

The grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and family friends who stepped up when they didn’t have to.

The dads pulling double duty and being both parents at once.

The women who mother everyone around them without ever hearing “thank you” enough.

The pet moms, the bonus moms, the foster moms, the grieving moms, the moms to be, and the moms who should have been.

A lot of people become “mom” through love, sacrifice, patience, protection, and showing up day after day, not just biology. And that deserves a lot more than what they get.

I hope today brings you some peace, some rest, and at least one day where someone takes care of you for a change.

And because this is still findom reddit: may your coffee stay hot, your subs stay obedient, your messages stay drama free, and may nobody ask you for emotional labor today. 💐

I rarely drink so I'm a lightweight. I'm sat here ever so slightly tipsy and just mad as fuck that my sub is in such an opposite time zone that I can't bother him while I'm tipsy. "But FC just get an American sub" most of the American subs I've had end up just disappoint me.

What do y'all do when you're in the mood to bother your sub/domme but a time zone is in the wayn?