r/findomchatters

I asked this in another group but I’m curious to hear everyone’s input!
SUBS: What are some Icks you see from dommes or potential dommes that immediately turns you off?

DOMMES: What are some icks you get from subs or potential subs that drive you nuts?

how do you all prepare for any big changes in life? i recently applied for a job in the SW industry that would be so incredibly fun to me and i’ve been thinking about doing it for years.

the only thing is how scary it would be to move across the country on my own to do so, and i would have to switch to online college.

what helps you when you’re faced with a big decision / change like this?

Tired of the trolls that have found our spaces lately. And I don't mean the fun trolls haha. So tell me something good. 😊

That isn't sarcasm. I recently had an interaction with someone that left me wondering why people have different views on this topic.

At first, he seemed like a potential kink partner; he made a post describing himself and I liked what I read. I replied in a playful manner. He assigned me an honorific (it was generic and not what I prefer). I found myself immediately turned off, offended even. I told him exactly what I thought about it (in hindsight, I should have taken a step back before replying, or not replied at all).

Then, he surprised me. I had called his behavior disrespectful, that it wasn't the behavior of someone looking to serve. He didn't show any signs of getting upset or offended. Instead, he simply said we had different definitions of respect. He was absolutely right.

He's not the first to use a generic honorific with someone he doesn't know. People do it all the time. We've all seen it (specifically with those who identify as Dommes). Some Dommes like it, and some think it's a red flag.

But *why* do we have different definitions of respect when it comes to this topic in particular?

I want to have a genuine discussion with the community about the psychology behind this behavior so that we may understand each other better.

What do you think?

If you enjoy stand up, which one is your favorite? I love to see the differences (and similarities) in humor 😂 Mine is Gianmarco Soresi at the moment

my type (of sub or partner) is someone traditionally masculine, competent/smart, and seemingly a dominant gentleman to others. ideally someone whose muscular & quite literally bigger than me :P

but when with me, they’re completely submissive and compliant (within reason hehe). if this sounds like you……….. i’m obsessed.

to anyone in femdom/findom, what’s your type? 🫵

My biggest turn-ons as a findomme are:

Enthusiastic sending (I like a mix of commanded and surprise sends, but the point is not being hesitant or resistant to the act of sending). Love it especially when they beg to send and tell me how bad they want to hit the send button. When I tell them to send and they ask if they can please send more or again. 🔥 When they understand that sending is not transactional, but an expression of worship and submission.

A genuine desire to please me. Centering my pleasure. When my sub gets pleasure from pleasing me. When they know their place. When they understand it's their job to make my life easier and more pleasurable, and when they take their job very seriously.

Trainability, malleability. A desire to be guided, molded and shaped by me. When they seek and are grateful for my correction and constructive feedback. Fast learners with humility. Swift obedience as an expression of deep submission. High effort.

Good conversationalists. Clear, direct communicators. Literacy skills. The ability to read, retain (and, when necessary, apply) what they've read. Specifically being good at the art of *written* conversation.

Intelligence, quick wit, puns and word play, intellectual connection. Sapiosexuals. Cerebral foreplay. Playfulness. Mental stimulation. A good sense of humor. Depth.

Consistency. Devotion. Dedication. When being mine and serving me gives them a sense of purpose and a reason to grow, do the inner work, reach their goals and level up. When they allow me to be the catalyst for their self improvement/self actualization. Fucking HOT.

When their actions speak louder than their words, in a good way. Follow through. Dependability. Accountability. Reliability. When they're action-oriented.

Respect. Especially for my time and energy. Not just when it suits them. All the time. Honesty (which I see as being under the umbrella of respect).

Vulnerability. Authenticity. When they show up with their full selves and be real with me rather than wearing some 2 dimensional performative mask, being what they think I want them to be, or saying what they think I want to hear. When they let me in. When they let me see who they really are. When they're raw and genuine.

Loyalty. When they fiercely madly truly want to serve me and only me. When they feel that typa way about me. When it's all-encompassing, earned and cultivated, not just for show. When it's not obligatory but heartfelt and chosen.

When they have the ability to say no. When they are capable of safewording when appropriate. When they know their own limits and can communicate them effectively as needed. This is part of being a good submissive. When I can trust them to be able to do that, it gives me the freedom to lean more deeply into my dominance.

When they consistently show up for their part in the collaborative project of building trust and nurturing/deepening our connection over time. When connecting with them feels like a joy. When it flows, rather than feeling one-sided, like trying to pry open an oyster, like talking to a brick wall, or like pulling teeth. When they are capable of having and maintaining a deep, multilayered, spicy, sendy connection with me long term. The best!

I need a new dinner recipe to hyper fixate on 😆🥘 I’m bored of my usual recipes and I need something NEW and YUMMY 👀

“Paying for a service” is exactly where I think you’re misunderstanding the dynamic.

A Domme is not a customer service representative.

Tribute isn’t just “buying conversation.” It establishes intent, seriousness, respect for her time, and the structure of the dynamic itself.

That said, safety and authenticity matter too. Nobody is saying you should blindly send money to obvious scammers with zero conversation beforehand.

But if someone expects a Domme to extensively discuss kinks, boundaries, compatibility, emotional labor, attention, and dynamic-building before offering anything in return… that’s where many Dommes are going to push back.

A lot of subs forget that time, energy, attention, and psychological engagement are the product in many dynamics.

You’re absolutely allowed to want safety.
Dommes are absolutely allowed to require tribute.

Both can exist at the same time.

I am soooooo over this Heatwave. It’s so unnecessarily hot, and I’m just TIRED of feeling like I’m melting when I go outside. I love Summertime, but this year? -10/10.

I wish I had a pool 😭

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. 💖

I’ve been a folk magic practitioner for almost 20 years and I love connecting with fellow dommes that are also into the occult! Do any of you practice, do spells, like herbs, crystals, or any practices like meditation, reiki, breath work? Would love to connect with more of you beautiful Dommes. Feel free to add me on X and let’s connect ✨💖

https://www.x.com/vivaciousdivina