r/Trauma_Girlies

No men please my tele and session are in my profile

This started like a week or two before Valentine’s Day. I was in the 10th grade and had basically no idea about sex. I was jealous of all the other girls in my class because most of them had some kind of boyfriend or were just super popular with boys, and I felt completely left out. I was desperate to know what it felt like to be loved by a man, to be held by one. I still kind of want that I think.

And so I downloaded Tinder at the age of 16. I even had to edit my ID just to use the app in the first place. There were so many hurdles I had to cross, but I was desperate to finally be recognized by a man. I definitely wasn’t supposed to be using dating apps yet and I knew it. I really tried making myself look older for the site too. I did up my hair like how my mom had it, posed in ways that I thought hid how young I clearly was. Looking back, I don’t think any of it worked. Any man that ended up messaging me would always ask about my age at some point, and most were gone before the end of the day. It was genuinely kind of annoying to me, I was on the verge of giving up.

But then, one man finally stayed. I couldn’t get enough of the attention, I was hardly able to believe that he was still talking to me in the first place. We would talk about little things, like my hobbies or what I do when I’m alone. Best part was that he wanted to see me too. It started off small, what I was wearing in the day—I never showed him my uniform because I thought I finally convinced a man I was at least of age, but sometimes I think about how he would’ve reacted.

Things were at their best when he talked about how much he liked how I look. Sometimes I’d get just a little bit more revealing for him, and every time he’d always praise me more and the praises would be even greater. I finally knew what it was like to be seen by a man, and I couldn’t get enough of it.

At this point in my life, I knew what porn was but I never really felt like I had a reason to watch it. I’d try to sometimes, but most of the time I’d just end up feeling weird or embarrassed and stop. But, I really wanted to see the man that was talking with me. I went online and looked up “how to get rid of my gag reflex” and videos on techniques I could use while I suck his dick. Sometimes I’d try to find a porn video that was gentler than the others, and just focus all of my attention on her and how she serviced the man’s penis with her mouth. I practiced on a banana even. I had this kind of fantasy where we’d meet up, he would hold me and tell me how much he wanted me, and I’d travel down his body until I get to his dick. There, he’d let me suck him off softly while he moaned quietly, telling me how much he loved me and liked who I was as a person. I was really excited to finally meet him, it felt like becoming a woman.

I was the one who ended up suggesting it, but he lead me the entire way. When he asked for my location, I gave him my address but told him we couldn’t use it because I was living with other people. So he looked up where I lived and found a coffee shop that was just a walk away from me. His idea was that I’d wait until it was 3 in the morning, then we’d meet up at the cafe and find a nice quiet spot where the cameras couldn’t see us. Already it wasn’t what I envisioned, but I knew he was older than me and more experienced, so I thought doing what he wanted couldn’t be a bad idea.

Finally, on the day we were meet up, I decided to wear something casual but also tight. It was an outfit I knew he liked. Pink tank top cut off at my midriff, and a pair of Jean short shorts that my mother would never let me wear other wise. I made sure to do a full beat too, and to wear my favorite perfume. It was the first time we meet after all, I wanted him to really like me.

I walked over to the cafe and waited. I wasn’t really familiar with the place, but it had a bench outside that looked away from the street so I sat there. I wasn’t anxious the entire time, second guessing and doubting myself. I almost wanted to run back home, but I convinced myself that I was in too deep and had to see it through. I didn’t think I was in any danger at all at the time, all I was thinking about is if he would actually like me when he sees me, and also what he looked like. He never sent me a picture of himself, and I was okay with that then, but now I was afraid I’d never get to see him at all.

He came. I still remember how the ruble of his bike sounded as he pulled in. I sat there on the bench kind of motionless, not really sure what to do with myself at this point. That’s when he finally walked up to me. He was much taller than me, much bigger too. He could cover me completely with his body if he wanted to. He had a small beard, spotted with a little bit of gray. His smell was heavy too, I have no idea what it was but it was like it wrapped around me. I knew he was older than me, much older. I didn’t see anything wrong with that though, to me this was just like any of the other girls in my class who had a boyfriend of some kind.

He did scare me though. I must’ve shined him the widest smile I could from how nervous I was. He was wearing a gray sweatshirt and black shorts that already showed off a strong bump from what I knew was his dick. He finally looked down at me, picked up my hand and pulled me into the tightest hug anyone’s ever gave me. I couldn’t really look down, but I think he was rubbing my leg against me. Quickly though, he lead me along by my hand until we were at a spot just around the corner from the street. It felt like floating, I could barely think clearly. Everything happened so fast, I really just wanted him to stop so we could just talk for a bit and he could maybe complement the outfit I chose for him. But I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stop him, and I didn’t want to see what would happen if I tried. I thought maybe we’d have a chance to cuddle after I service him at least.

I can’t help but touch myself to this next part. It’s so bad, I have to pause like almost after every other sentence just so I can rub to the thought of it happening. I need more though, I want to feel like it’s happening again, like the first time.

He positioned me so that my back was right against the wall. We didn’t have that much light besides the little that spilled over from the light on at the front. I could barely see him, and I was frozen because I had no idea what to do. None of the porn videos I watched could’ve ever prepared me for this. Almost immediately, his shorts fell off and his dick flopped out. I could just see its outline and I was against unsure if I’d be able to do this. No video was like the real thing, and it looked a good amount thicker than the banana I used. He told me to “get to work” with a look on his face that no one’s ever given me before. It’s like he was hungry to use me, and with no one else around I felt like I had to obey.

I got down on my knees, told him very quickly that this was my first time, and he said that it was okay, that he would “guide me.” It was right in front me now, eye level with his crotch. It felt so imposing, like already I had zero control over it or whatever it did. I slowly clasped one of my hands around it, noticing the heat it gave off in comparison to the cold ground biting into my knees. It had such a defined weight too, like it was too heavy. And I’ll never forget the smell, I can’t even really describe it. It was strong, deep, and powerful. It felt like it was infiltrating into my body.

Gently, I lifted the tip into my mouth, just like how I’ve seen hundreds of times already. I leaped my tongue around it, knowing that this is what a girl does when she wants a man to feel good. The taste was bitter and salty, and it was really weird having something so rigid yet so meaty in my mouth. But I kept working on his dick, eager to see him enjoying himself from something I was doing for him.

I was looking up at him the entire time, seeing how he reacted to the way I moved my tongue. It felt amazing seeing his head loll back as he moaned out how much of a good cocksucker I was. I even felt myself start to get a bit excited from it all. I wanted to see him enjoy himself even more, so I went deeper, bobbing my head up and down his length while never letting go. I made sure to lick him down with my tongue as much as possible because I learned that the underside of a man’s cock is especially sensitive. I knew it was waking too by the way he grabbed on to my hair.

It was gentle at first, like he was just caressing or petting me, and that felt really good. As I went on though, taking him ever so deeper, he’d grip me harder, like he was using my head to steady himself. It hurt a little because he kinda tugged on my hair, but it wasn’t anything that was going to stop me.

Then, in the middle of me going down, he grabs on tighter than he ever has before and pushes me as hard as he can into his dick. I still remember what my gags sounded like. Desperate, messy, pathetic. I didn’t care how I looked, the shock of getting his entire dick into my throat when I was nowhere near ready made me feel like I was really suffocating. I remember the feeling of my spit getting everywhere on my face, dribbling onto my chin. My eyes were a blurry mess, the tears that were welling from how I pushed myself now fully out. My makeup must’ve been running. I must’ve looked awful. I must’ve looked like a real whore.

And I looked up to him, trying to beg him to let me go even though I had no way of saying anything. My eyes pleaded. He looked like he didn’t even recognize me. Like I wasn’t even there. He was so set on his getting his cock sucked as hard as he can that it felt like he forgot I was a person. That was the first time in my life my mouth has ever truly felt like a hole built for men to enter themselves into.

With what remained of my strength, I slapped his legs weakly. He let me go, and I collapsed to the ground trying to get any air back into my lungs. His breath was deep and heavy, I knew he wasn’t done with me just yet. He said he was sorry, and then asked if I was okay. I just nodded, and he let me rest there for a few seconds before asking me if I’m ready. In response, all I did was get back on my knees. That was enough for him. He lifted his dick back up, now much thicker, the veins so much more defined. He practically shoved it back into my throat, and I accepted it, letting him grab my head again.

This time he was much rougher at the start, now slightly pushing me to go deeper each time I bobbed down. I was still inexperienced, so sometimes my teeth would brush against him. Each time they did though, he’d slap me hard and call me a bitch. Each hit dazed me more than the last, but I knew if I stopped things would just be worse for me. I quickly learned my lesson.

After awhile, I really felt like I couldn’t keep sucking him, so I tried to go up to catch my breath again. That’s when he grabbed my head again, controlling it entirely. He didn’t let me go, instead he pushed my head back against the brick wall and shoved his dick to the base. I felt like I was being split open. I couldn’t even think anymore, like that single thrust reset my entire body.

He didn’t stop there. This time, he pulled his dick back until just the tip was in, and quickly slammed his dick back down my throat. Then he fucked my throat fast and deep, making sure I never had a moment to let go or even slow him down. I could feel my head hit the back of the wall, but there was nothing I could even do to tell him that he was hurting me. I tried weakly slapping his legs again, but he did nothing to even hesitate. I don’t know if he didn’t notice, or if he didn’t care. In my mind I like to think he just got too focused on fucking my mouth and forgot I needed to breathe.

I don’t know if I was just overreacting at the time, but I swear I could feel my vision start to fade out, and that’s when I really started to get scared. For the first time, I realized that it was entirely possible for him to make me unconscious and there was nothing I could do about it, like I was just his toy that he gets to treat as roughly as he wants.

I lost any sense of time, but eventually he thrusted deeper than I even thought he could just a few more times, and then held his dick down my throat while he came straight into my stomach. I still think about his moans at that point, how good he felt making me almost pass out. Finally, he slowly slid his slick, still sensitive dick out of my mouth. I fully collapse to the ground this time, each breathe painful from how sore my mouth and throat feel now. He pulls his shorts back up, adjusts his dick, and leaves me there. Before he leaves, he says “You did really good, I’m proud of you.” I’ll always remember how he sounded then.

I had to walk all the way back home like that. Snot and spit down my chin, make up ruined and streaking. Anyone would be able to tell what just happened to me. As soon as I’m back home, I head to the restroom and wash my face off. Now I’m back in my room, where I just gently sob to myself because of how much everything hurt.

It was from that moment forward I slowly began to realize that I couldn’t get excited by anything that was soft. I needed abuse now. Eventually, the thought of him would come back to my mind when I’m alone, and I’d get horny all of a sudden. Now I rub myself to the memory🫠

I have the answer if you want to finally know.