r/christiansexnsfw

Do you make plans to masturbate? Or is it a spur of the moment thing?

For me, it’s usually a few hours ahead of time that I start thinking about my plans for the evening, start looking at porn, start looking for people to chat with, etc.

Do you do something similar?

I am not a cuckold yet, but I honestly think I am on the road to becoming one. My wife knows all of this. We have talked deeply about it, and she is on board with exploring it with me. I’m in my 40s, from a very conservative Christian background, and I’m actually a pastor, which I know for some people immediately makes me a hypocrite. You’re probably right. I wrestle with that contradiction myself. But this post is not really about defending myself or trying to shock anybody. I’m trying to understand myself honestly for maybe the first time in my life.

As I’ve spent the last few years exploring my sexuality, emotional world, fantasies, desires, the psychology behind things like chastity, female led relationships, and hotwifing/ cuckolding, I’ve realized something that honestly goes way further back than sex.

Looking back, I think I have always been fascinated by corruption, transformation, escalation, mutability, whatever word you wanna use for it.

Even as a kid I remember feeling this strange excitement at transformation scenes in movies or stories. I remember the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and there was something about “the ooze” mutating things that absolutely fascinated me. The innocent turtle and the fox becoming changed into monsters stirred something in me emotionally that I could never explain. Even when I would play pretend games with friends as a kid, one of the most exciting storylines to me was always when one of the heroes got captured by the enemy, brainwashed, corrupted, turned against us, and then we had to fight them while also trying to save them. The mixture of loss, betrayal, corruption, escalation, grief, danger, and transformation always hit me hard emotionally.

At the time I obviously had no sexual understanding of any of that, but now looking back, I can see the emotional wiring was already there.

Then in my early 20s I stumbled into hotwife stories, cheating wife stories, cuckold stories, and suddenly it all clicked together in a way that honestly felt terrifying and intoxicating at the same time. It was like all these emotional themes I had carried my whole life suddenly fused themselves into sexuality. I became deeply addicted to that psychological space.

And I wanna make something clear because I think some people flatten this stuff too much into “you just wanna watch your wife have sex with another guy.” For me it goes way deeper than that. What excites me is transformation.

What excites me is the idea that people do not stay the same after intimacy, after contact, after knowledge, after vulnerability. I genuinely do not believe human beings can deeply encounter each other and stay untouched. I know that sounds dramatic, but I really believe it.

There’s a Carl Jung quote that says:
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” I think sex changes people. I think emotional intimacy changes people. Ithink comparison changes people. I think experience changes people.

And weirdly, that both terrifies me and arouses me.
The fantasy actually loses power for me if everybody somehow stays emotionally safe and unchanged afterward because honestly I just don’t believe that’s real. What excites me is the emotional and psychological before and after. The grief. The jealousy. The fear. The lust. The loss of innocence. The irreversible nature of it.

The idea that my wife might become more confident, more powerful, more sexually aware, more emotionally bold, more alive, more honest, more experienced, more fully herself… that is incredibly arousing to me.

And at the same time, there is grief in it because I know that changes the dynamic between us too.

There’s also undeniably a humiliation aspect to this for me. But even that is complicated and honestly not rooted in cruelty or hatred. It’s not about being abused or degraded by someone who hates me.

What affects me deeply is the idea of my wife, lovingly and vulnerably, finally saying things honestly that maybe she would never normally say. Teasing me about my size, masculinity, sexual ability, leadership, whatever it might be. Not from malice. Not from anger. But almost from a place of trust and openness because she knows I want the truth and because she knows I can receive it.

And yes, that absolutely destroys me emotionally while also turning me on beyond belief.
There is something unbelievably intense about feeling exposed and vulnerable and still loved. About someone seeing you fully and speaking honestly and the relationship not collapsing under the weight of it.

I think part of what excites me is the shifting of power too. Watching my wife become stronger, more confident, more sexually powerful, more emotionally independent, more assertive. Maybe even less dependent on me in certain ways. Less under my leadership in certain areas. Not me disappearing, but me no longer sitting in the unquestioned center of everything.

And again, somehow that hurts and excites me at the exact same time.
I know some people will think this is all unhealthy or self-destructive or pathetic, and maybe parts of it are. I honestly don’t know yet. I’m still trying to understand myself. But I do know this goes way deeper for me than simple porn logic or wanting to get off.

At its core I think I’m fascinated by what happens when love encounters transformation.
Can intimacy survive change?
Can vulnerability survive truth?
Can relationships survive irreversible emotional evolution?
What happens when innocence is gone and people become something new?
I think those questions have haunted and fascinated me my entire life long before they ever became sexual.

Me (M38) and My wife (F37)Keyholder started chastity play when we got engaged 9 years ago.

I thought I would share our chastity journey as I feel not many share there more intermittent vanilla chastity stories.

We were trying to be good Christians and not have sex before marage and I was struggling during make out sessions. Chastity was someting I had been interested in so I offered as a posible solution.She was open to the Idea but she's not very dominant.

So I bought a cb3000 and we did lock up for a day or two or just lock up Im coming over for supper and to make out you can unlock after I orgasum and go home.

Befor we got married I masterbated a lot so as a reset I desided to lock up for 2 week befor the wedding I had 1 week off befor then wedding so was not going to be to bad. We'll the cb3000 and my body didnt agree I got a sore on the under side of the shaft after week 1 so week 2 ended up be mental only chastity.

We agreed that during our marriage I would lock up on her period. I got a new holy trainer cage that fit better.

So september of are wedding to January thats what we did till she got pregnant. Well she was horny as hell on her frist pregnancy we fuck like rabits till hours before my eldest was born. Pore midwife had cum on her fingers checking dilation.

Then it all stoped we had 0 sexual contact for 18 mouths

I whent back to masterbating daily. Was a genraly bad time.

She got her period back 24months after are first was born and I locked up first time in 2 years. But it was some time of intimacy so what I jumped at it.

Then she got pregnant again. And we wheny back to fucking like rabits. For 9 moths. Then better this time we only whent 8 months of no intimacy.

She got her period back 18 months after birth this time and my chastity started again.

Note we hade been maried for 4 year she only had 6 periods due to pregnancy and breast feeding delaying return. Only 1 between pregnancies.

And thats all it was a her period would come she would lock me for 2 days becash she didn't what me wearing it to work any more and then she with use a toy on my ass and have me cum after unlocking.

Till last month I asked to do longer lock ups. Stressing she can unlock me for sex if she liked or not. I have 4 days weekend every outher week for a few moths so I locked up for 4 days we had sex 3 of the nights she enjoyed it and said to lock up every weekend off work. So tonight I lock up again till monday night.

We are not as exciting as a lot of couples hear but it us. I enjoy prostate simulation my wife tolerates it.

Took me 4 years of asking befor she would let me go down on her.

We have played with some bondage her tied up befor the kids but mostly now its the kids are a sleep fuck me, little to no forplay. (I would realy prefer more forplay)

Im open to answering questions.

Yes Im shure my spelling and gramer is horable.

I have a learning disability, given I was told I would never read and wright Im doing my best ok.

Recently been trying some stuff with other men, even one from church. It’s been amazing to feel the pleasure and connection. Anyone else gone into this space?

I want to start the day with church together. Then maybe grab some supplies together before heading to his place or a hotel and spending the rest of the day praying together.

I want to suck his cock while he reads the Bible to me out loud.

I want his cross necklace dangling over me.

I want to make him feel the most masculine he's ever felt.

I want to help him to feel completely aligned in his spiritual manhood in every way.

I want to cook for him while he preaches to me.

I want to cuddle and await his further touch and/or instructions while we watch a sermon or Christian movie.

I want him to pray over me then anoint me with his seed.

I want to confess my sins to him and have him lovingly punish me for them.

I want to treat him like my god while he teaches me about his.

The issue? I'm a trans man. I was born female but now look like a man with a vagina.

Maybe the right man can even fix me...