r/scarredslutz

This is a story I shared when I first started this account and Im sharing it again since the original was among the recent subreddit move casualties. Its honestly good to get to share it again, though, considering Ive since caved and bought the book for myself.... Im only on chapter two bc when I started it I flew through it but it was intensely triggering so I put it down and havent picked it up since. I might today. Anyways, enjoy <3

About five years after I was first assaulted, I found a book in my school library about a girl who is kidnapped and groomed.

When I first read the book, I felt this deep twisting in my stomach, a mix of shame and disgust and fear and... something good, whenever I picked it up. It stirred something inside me, these strange feelings and tugging memories that were fogged at the edges, the feeling of hands all over my body, rubbing, prodding, pulling, violating. I heard words and phrases echoing in my head that someone my age shouldnt think: "cunt hole" "serve me" "dumb slut" "shut the fuck up and take it". It became addictive because of how I couldn't understand it.

I read the book again and again to the point people in my class started to pick on me and laugh at me for it. They asked why I would ever want to read something so gross... asking what was wrong with me.

I knew deep down. I couldn't say, but I knew.

My cunt would get wet from the somatic flashbacks, clenching as I pathetically tried to stop it. I'd read and reread paragraphs and pages that reminded me of how I was abused without having even fully processed that it was abuse. He said I wanted it. But the man in the book said that the main character wanted it too, and she was just a little girl like I was then. I felt so disgusted at how wet it made me. I felt so fucking ruined.

I can still feel the exact burning sickness in my chest as a classmate told the teacher that I was a freak in front of the whole class when I was crying over how they were taunting me about it at recess. This made my teacher take the book and say "maybe we try reading something else from now on, you've read this one enough by now". Which the class obviously found hilarious. I stopped reading it after that, but I still thought about it at night, hearing the abusers words in my rapists' voices.

Now I get off to humiliation over how fucked up I am now, so it's like double the trauma kink.

I didn't know it at the time, but it makes sense why later that year I entered into a relationship with the other person who assaulted and degraded me, my first boyfriend. He was among the many classmates laughing at me. It really has been my entire fucking life. I'm unable to have normal sex because my brain is so scrambled from the years of violation.

I'm so lucky I have an Owner and so many nice friends on here who love how fucked up I am and abuse me so well even if I don't want it because they know what my cunt wants. Everyone who has ever told me I wanted it was right. I always cum.

I've fucked myself with a hairbrush and toothbrush these past few days. is anyone proudddddd?????? 😫🥺