u/Able_Macaron_8464

I met a man through Seeking, and we seem to have very different ideas about how an arrangement should begin.

I wanted to discuss expectations and boundaries clearly, what kind of relationship we’re looking for, what support or allowance would look like, and how we can make sure neither person feels used or confused. He says that approaching it this way makes me “too transactional.” His perspective is that two emotionally healthy people should allow things to happen naturally based on chemistry, and that if we genuinely like each other, he will naturally want to take care of me.

He has also framed my position as: “Because you’ve had terrible experiences with men in the past, you think I should have to pay you.”

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

I’m not asking him to compensate me for emotional damage caused by other men. I’m saying that we met on Seeking, a platform specifically associated with mutually beneficial arrangements, so I assumed there would be a direct conversation about what that arrangement entails. My past experiences are part of why I value clear boundaries, but they are not the reason I expect financial support. The fact that we met through Seeking is the reason I thought financial support was already part of the premise.

I understand wanting chemistry and not making every interaction feel like a business negotiation. I’m not asking him to pay me for every date or pretending that emotional compatibility doesn’t matter. But because we met on Seeking, I assumed there was already an arrangement-based or transactional element to the connection. To me, discussing it directly protects both people from developing completely different expectations.

I also don’t want to invest emotional energy, intimacy, and time based on a vague promise that he’ll “take care of me” eventually if the chemistry is good enough. That sounds more like traditional dating, while I understood Seeking to involve more explicit expectations from the beginning.

Am I approaching this too transactionally, or are we simply incompatible in how we understand an arrangement? Is his approach normal on Seeking, or is avoiding a clear conversation usually a warning sign?

I met a man through Seeking, and we seem to have very different ideas about how an arrangement should begin.

I wanted to discuss expectations and boundaries clearly, what kind of relationship we’re looking for, what support or allowance would look like, and how we can make sure neither person feels used or confused. He says that approaching it this way makes me “too transactional.” His perspective is that two emotionally healthy people should allow things to happen naturally based on chemistry, and that if we genuinely like each other, he will naturally want to take care of me.

I understand wanting chemistry and not making every interaction feel like a business negotiation. I’m not asking him to pay me for every date or pretending that emotional compatibility doesn’t matter. But because we met on Seeking, I assumed there was already an arrangement-based or transactional element to the connection. To me, discussing it directly protects both people from developing completely different expectations.

I also don’t want to invest emotional energy, intimacy, and time based on a vague promise that he’ll “take care of me” eventually if the chemistry is good enough. That sounds more like traditional dating, while I understood Seeking to involve more explicit expectations from the beginning.

Am I approaching this too transactionally, or are we simply incompatible in how we understand an arrangement? Is his approach normal on Seeking, or is avoiding a clear conversation usually a warning sign?