u/AffectionateFly6359

I (33f) am married to a wonderful man (35m). He and I have been together for 12 years, married for 7. I didn’t fully understand or accept my sexuality until last year. I cannot deny my bisexuality anymore. It just is what I am. He should know, right?

I always have wanted to experiment with women and I still want to very much. But I cannot do anything behind his back. The guilt would eat me alive. I cheated on a very unserious boyfriend while drunk when I was 19. It was the worst I’ve eve felt about myself. I know I don’t have it in me to do something extramarital.

I don’t know if he’d ever be open to adding in to our relationship. How that would work. I’d just want to have basically a one night stand with everything above board and possibly him participating. I know I can’t spring this on him with “hey, I’m bisexual. Do you want to go pick up a girl to share?”.

I don’t want him to feel like he isn’t enough or that I lied to him. I don’t want to cheat on him (as made very clear in the above) in any capacity. I also don’t know if even having this conversation is worth it. If he’s not into it or worse, gets really upset, and I don’t have a clear path forward for exploration why would I do this? I do want to tell him. I just don’t know how. Have any of you come out to a spouse? How’d it go?

Every one of you that has posted any sort of picture is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. And I’m a very weird mix of jealous because I want to look like that but also intrigued because I want to be with you as well.

I went to bed earlier than my husband last night. Couldn’t sleep. Decided to rub one out to help me fall asleep. Pulled up my favorite lesbian gif Reddit and got off to the thought of being the center of attention for a groups of women.

I got up to pee and wash my hands but left my phone on and face up. I didn’t hear my husband come in and I’m sure he saw what I was looking at. We are okay with porn use and masturbation. It is something we don’t care to monitor for the other person unless it affects our sex life. So that’s not what I’m worried or embarrassed about.

I floated the idea of having a threesome with another woman when we were still dating about a decade ago. He laughed it off and was NOT into it at all. I played it off as a joke and never brought it up or my desire to experiment with women again.

But… I obviously still do. It’s only gotten worse since once he had me suck him after he was in me or kiss me after he goes down on me. I thought taste would be the biggest “ick”, but I loved it and I want more. A lot more. I want the real thing.

He didn’t say anything about it, I doubt he even cares or suspects a thing since it’s fairly common for women of all sexualities to watch lesbian porn. A small part of me wants him to ask. Just so I can say it out loud that I might be bisexual. I know he’ll still love me, but maybe if he thinks occasionally adding in a third is less of a passing fancy… it could happen?

Anybody here successfully managed to have sex with another woman? Was it someone you met while single? Was it a sneaky link in a relationship? Did you have a threesome?

Is this even possible? Because it’s so hot and I want it so bad, but is it worth thinking about if I can’t have it?

I feel kind of ridiculous posting this, but it’s been weighing on me for a few days. My husband (35M) and I (33F) were on vacation with my whole family this past week. We ended up having a quickie in the bathroom on Tuesday. I loved it. One of our biggest struggles is our sex life and his enthusiasm levels. When I went to tell him I really enjoyed the spur of the moment intimacy, before I could say anything about it he cut me off and said he “felt embarrassed and ashamed” and it was overall “gross”.

That’s really hurt my feelings. Like if he’s not into something, fine. But… gross? It was gross? It always feels like he’s trying to get sex over as soon as he can. The gross comment just compounded on the fact we tried out “the back door” the time before the quickie and it wasn’t bad but neither of us came. He didn’t really give me any after care or any explanation of why then to try that. Said it was “an itch he wanted to scratch”. Does he feel like I’m gross now? I’ve explained to him that I get off on the idea of being sexually submissive to his needs. I like to see him push me to be “sluttier”. I know I can stop whenever I want, that’s not an issue. I just don’t want to stop. Is that freaking him out?

What would you do in this situation?

My husband (35M) has always been vehemently opposed to any sort of public sex. He even closes all the blinds and turns on the fan if we have sex in our house so nobody will see or hear anything. It always bummed me (33F) out a little because we have only had sex in our bed, a hotel bed, or on one rare occasion a guest bed. And I kind of enjoy the thrill of maybe someone catching a peek in a semi-public area. Nothing completely public but maybe a secluded area of the woods we hike or the hot tub on our deck? I’m down he’s not.

We’re at the beach with my entire family this week. Our room has an en suite bathroom and a king bed, but sadly we’re sharing it with our toddler.

Around 1:30 today our son gets fussy so my husband brings him up from the beach to eat something other than cheese curls and take a nap. I come up like an hour later. Son is conked out on the bed and my husband is just sitting watching reels. I say I’m going to shower off when he follows me to the bathroom.

Quietly he motioned for me to get out of the shower. I did and very surprisingly he starts grabbing and kissing at me. Things get hot and fast. Through whispers we agree to sex immediately but both understand the situation of being as quiet as possible. We lock the door and had probably the world’s fastest quickie bent over the counter. Completely abnormal for us; it’s daylight, it’s the bathroom, we don’t have a condom, standing up, and it’s a house full of people. Everything that should have told us to stop made us want to more. We both finished in maybe 3 minutes? Fast enough nobody thought any marital relations were happening.

Silent high fives and a few towels to wash later and we’re back to being parents of a non-stop child and the “fun aunt and uncle”.

12/10. Highly recommend silent secret vacation sex.

I’m 33. Married to a great man. Sex with him is good. After I had our baby 3 years ago I’ve been on an SSRI which can make orgasms hard to reach. The thing that always gets me there is thinking of another woman eating me out or rubbing my clit. I often fantasize about eating pussy while my husband watches.

It’s nice to feel less alone. I thought I was the only one out there who had late blossoming lesbian thoughts. I just wish there was a way to act on them without upsetting my marriage. One step at a time I suppose

I (35F) have noticed that over the years I’ve been drawn to FFM threesome, not having been in one in myself. I then came across a video of two women having lesbian sex in front of their male partners who were only watching. It turned me on so much.

I don’t necessarily think I’m bisexual because I have never been with another woman or even attempted. The thought of being with a woman only appeals to me if there are men watching. Then it becomes very appealing.

Does this have a name? Not exhibitionism. Specifically women having lesbian sex in front of men or a group.

To the “I’ve only slept with my spouse” group, I’d like your input on this.

I am vastly different than my older sister. She’s far more conservative in her views on life than I am. She married her high school sweetheart, had 2 kids, one and only type deal. Which is fine, lots of people are like that. It’s just not how my life went nor would I want it to go that way. I did my fair share of bed hopping in college. Had my fun. Got it all out of my system as they say before I settled down.

This happened last night at our parent’s cabin. I forget how the subject came up while myself, my husband, my older sister and her husband, and my younger sister and her fiancée were out at a campfire after our respective children went to sleep, but she mentioned something that my husband and I had a “one night stand”. Which was said with such contempt and judgment, but also is factually incorrect because we are married now and a one night stand is inherently a single occurrence. Hence “one” in “one night stand”.

She then went on to say that she felt like people who only have ever been with their now spouse have “better” marriages and how she and her husband waited until they were engaged. Unlike me, who lost their virginity (consensually and in love at the time) at 16. And my younger sister “who couldn’t hold off” past 20. That you “just have a stronger bond” if you’ve only had sex with your spouse. Which is a SHIT thing to say because my future brother in law is a lovely guy who has a child from a previous marriage. She’s acting like because I “slept around” my marriage means less than hers. Or that my sister’s will also mean less because clearly her fiancée slept with someone else before her.

My husband and I have faced some marital issues and they were intimacy related but we worked through that and clearly love each other a lot. Like excuse the fuck out of me because I met one of the hottest men I’ve ever seen, got put through the mattress a few times before we really sussed out things like last names, and have been continuously put through many mattresses by that same man for the past 11 years. And I hope that my younger sister and FBIL are just obnoxiously handsy when we go to the beach next week. Oldest walked in on youngest in a compromised position and she was AGHAST. (She just said it was obscene. I’m gonna guess blow job. Which like what are you, 14??)

Am I reading too much into this?? Is there some level of superiority couples who have only been with each other feel? Do you all think your marriages are better?? How big of a bitch can I be about this because I think she really hurt future brother in laws feelings and that man is literally the reincarnation of Mr. Rogers levels nice.

Never done it, but looks fun. Do I like sit the whole way down? Won’t that hurt my husband?

I feel a lot of us were either complete ignored as children and/or had incredibly hard to please parents. Which made us become insatiable people pleasers often at our own demise and now every single comment or correction makes you want to roll in a ball and cry for 37 days? That you think maybe your long term partner is only with you because you sleep with him, but that’s not exactly fun for him because you’re so annoying and needy? That somehow this is all just seconds from falling apart because you did something wrong and nobody told you until it was too late so you start almost every sentence with “sorry, this is annoying”?

Just me?? Cool…. Btw my therapist is on vacation and I felt like if I didn’t get this immediately out of my head and onto a physical media or other outlet, I would explode. The anonymity of Reddit seemed like the right place and maybe someone else feels like this.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (35M) for about 6.5 years, together for 11. Our sex life was always okay. We didn’t live together until we got engaged and that’s when I noticed that I was definitely the higher drive partner. It’s something I’ve worked on consistently with trying to keep my self-esteem in check when I get turned down. It’s been hard and I’m not always successful with that but I do understand he isn’t a machine and it’s unfair of me to expect sex whenever I want. He does agree about 50% of the time so that’s good. We also have a 3 year old so sex is always morning. It’s rushed and I don’t have much fun due to time constraints but it’s better than him saying no.

I expressed recently that I don’t like the mornings but that seems to be the only time he wants sex. He has been more open to maybe exploring different dynamics in the bedroom. He just said “he’s fine with whatever” but offered no suggestions. So I guess that’s an okay for me to search out for something new. I stumbled upon this sub and immediately went “THIS! This is exactly what I’ve been missing”.

So here in lies the problem; I know what I want, and what I want is for him to know what he wants in clear and direct terms. I’m tired of being in charge. I want to get put through the mattress while being complimented for following clear and straightforward instructions. I’ve told him this much and he is willing to try but “doesn’t know what to say”. So it’s still a lot of me initiating sex with maybe some more communication. I’ve given a lot of positive feedback about his effort but we’ve stalled and back slid a bit.

Is there any sort of books or podcasts or content creators I could send to him to help him understand what I’m looking for? A show or movie perhaps? Ideas for him to know what to do or say. I have told him to just be honest with what he wants in the moment and I get met with “it all feels good”.

I have also expressed I am willing to try whatever he wants too, he just shrugged and said “It doesn’t matter to me”. I have tried a lot of things and they all seem to get the same reaction no matter how much time and effort I put in. Recently I haven’t been able to finish at all. I spend most of the time worrying about being late for work or him not liking something and not telling me. Next thing I know he’s done, back in bed “too hot” to cuddle, and I have to start getting ready for the day.

I really do love my husband. He is a wonderful man. He is very kind, even tempered, and caring. Could not have asked for a better dad to my son and he treats me like an equal partner…. He’s just not exactly great at sex or affection or compliments.

My husband and I are hoping to travel internationally for our 7th anniversary this coming October. We landed on Iceland because it fits both budget and time constraints. We did an all inclusive for our honeymoon and basically it was just beach, bar, and hotel room. Which… great for that trip, but now we want to go do other stuff besides just have as much sex as humanly possible.

Does anyone here have any suggestions about how to balance a trip where you go out and do experiences and can absolutely go feral on each other back at the hotel? Like what’s the protocol for travel with toys? We didn’t bring any on the honeymoon (mistake, is TSA or customs going to care? Is there something you recommend that we try because we do not have a child or family to worry about waking up?

Is there anything Iceland specific and sexy we should try? Yes, we already have tickets to the penis museum, but I’m not sure if that’s gonna be sexy…