u/AffectionateFly6359

I feel a lot of us were either complete ignored as children and/or had incredibly hard to please parents. Which made us become insatiable people pleasers often at our own demise and now every single comment or correction makes you want to roll in a ball and cry for 37 days? That you think maybe your long term partner is only with you because you sleep with him, but that’s not exactly fun for him because you’re so annoying and needy? That somehow this is all just seconds from falling apart because you did something wrong and nobody told you until it was too late so you start almost every sentence with “sorry, this is annoying”?

Just me?? Cool…. Btw my therapist is on vacation and I felt like if I didn’t get this immediately out of my head and onto a physical media or other outlet, I would explode. The anonymity of Reddit seemed like the right place and maybe someone else feels like this.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (35M) for about 6.5 years, together for 11. Our sex life was always okay. We didn’t live together until we got engaged and that’s when I noticed that I was definitely the higher drive partner. It’s something I’ve worked on consistently with trying to keep my self-esteem in check when I get turned down. It’s been hard and I’m not always successful with that but I do understand he isn’t a machine and it’s unfair of me to expect sex whenever I want. He does agree about 50% of the time so that’s good. We also have a 3 year old so sex is always morning. It’s rushed and I don’t have much fun due to time constraints but it’s better than him saying no.

I expressed recently that I don’t like the mornings but that seems to be the only time he wants sex. He has been more open to maybe exploring different dynamics in the bedroom. He just said “he’s fine with whatever” but offered no suggestions. So I guess that’s an okay for me to search out for something new. I stumbled upon this sub and immediately went “THIS! This is exactly what I’ve been missing”.

So here in lies the problem; I know what I want, and what I want is for him to know what he wants in clear and direct terms. I’m tired of being in charge. I want to get put through the mattress while being complimented for following clear and straightforward instructions. I’ve told him this much and he is willing to try but “doesn’t know what to say”. So it’s still a lot of me initiating sex with maybe some more communication. I’ve given a lot of positive feedback about his effort but we’ve stalled and back slid a bit.

Is there any sort of books or podcasts or content creators I could send to him to help him understand what I’m looking for? A show or movie perhaps? Ideas for him to know what to do or say. I have told him to just be honest with what he wants in the moment and I get met with “it all feels good”.

I have also expressed I am willing to try whatever he wants too, he just shrugged and said “It doesn’t matter to me”. I have tried a lot of things and they all seem to get the same reaction no matter how much time and effort I put in. Recently I haven’t been able to finish at all. I spend most of the time worrying about being late for work or him not liking something and not telling me. Next thing I know he’s done, back in bed “too hot” to cuddle, and I have to start getting ready for the day.

I really do love my husband. He is a wonderful man. He is very kind, even tempered, and caring. Could not have asked for a better dad to my son and he treats me like an equal partner…. He’s just not exactly great at sex or affection or compliments.

My husband and I are hoping to travel internationally for our 7th anniversary this coming October. We landed on Iceland because it fits both budget and time constraints. We did an all inclusive for our honeymoon and basically it was just beach, bar, and hotel room. Which… great for that trip, but now we want to go do other stuff besides just have as much sex as humanly possible.

Does anyone here have any suggestions about how to balance a trip where you go out and do experiences and can absolutely go feral on each other back at the hotel? Like what’s the protocol for travel with toys? We didn’t bring any on the honeymoon (mistake, is TSA or customs going to care? Is there something you recommend that we try because we do not have a child or family to worry about waking up?

Is there anything Iceland specific and sexy we should try? Yes, we already have tickets to the penis museum, but I’m not sure if that’s gonna be sexy…