u/AlarmedSignal2573

38 F, very very new to all this. My husband suggested getting involved in this lifestyle and Im still coming to terms with it. I reached out on hotwifeadvice and got some great support and advice from the community.

After talking with my husband yesterday, I think I will dip my toes into this lifestyle and see how it makes both of us feel. The problem is, the two men we were considering to do this with, my coworker or his friend, are not really a viable option, got some great advice as to why thats the case.

So I wanted to ask men who have been doing this a few questions, after all, you guys are as big of a part in all this as me and my husband and so I want to ensure if I do end up doing this, I do it right.

My questions are: what is typically the best dynamic in this sort of thing? I favor more of a quality beats quantity approach but, does it turn into a relationship? And by relationship do you typically consider the wives your girlfriend? How do you protect against feelings. People say "its just sex" but let's be adults sex rarely comes without some feelings.

What is the right amount of times you see a wife to make the relationship healthy/worthwhile? I imagine weekly is a lot but a once or twice a year kinda thing is too seldom.

How do you guys feel about the husband watching? My husband admitted he would like to watch but to be honest that feels weird to me but I didnt know if the men in this enjoyed it or also thought it was weird.

What makes a "good" hotwife? What are some things I can do to be memorable and fun? Like I said, this is about you as much as it is about me and him.

Finally, since I honestly have a laundry list of questions and cant ask them all, what are some things you've personally seen that really worked and some things you've seen that blew up in people's faces?

Thank you all, I hope to figure out what I want to end up doing and your advice is very appreciated.

Alt account, dont really want the one I use often to be associated with this, since Im not entirely sold on the idea.

38 F married to 42 M. Our marriage is strong and there hasn't been any issues. Two years ago, my husband brought up a coworker of mine offhandedly and asked me if I thought he was handsome. I said yes, since he is, but didnt think too much about it and moved on. Progressively, he started asking more pointed questions about my coworker, and also one of his friends, who is also handsome.

The questions started innocent enough, like, would you have dated him when you were single? Do you think he has a crush on you? What do you find handsome about him? Etc. I didnt think too much of it, since sometimes men are curious or like to sniff out any potential competition.

I started second guessing myself when he started bringing these two men up during sex. It was pretty rare at first then started to get progressively more frequent as time goes on.

I love my husband, and I am not saying this to embaress him but I feel its pertinent, he struggles with erectile dysfunction. He needs to take viagra to get it up and thats fine, its totally normal for a guy at his age for that to happen. One day, while we were kissing and petting each other, he brought up how he "bets my coworker wishes he was him (husband) right now)" and my husband was very erect when he said that.

After we had sex he told me he didnt take viagra, which is not typical. Then I pieced one and two together and asked him if the reason he didnt need it is because the dirty talk. He said yes then I confronted him and asked him if he wants me to have sex with my coworker or his friend. He said yes.

Ill be honest, I was pretty shocked and a little bit angry. My first reaction is that its adultery and wrong or maybe he wants to prostitute me and so I was pretty mad at him. We argued for a bit then he calmed me down and explained himself.

He loves me a lot and thinks Im beautiful and just loves the idea of me being with other men since he feels he cant pleasure me the way I need and wants other men to think Im hot too/enjiys the idea of that. I reassured him that he was satisfying me sexually but he said that this is a huge fantasy of his and brought up the fact that I thought both his friend and my coworker are handsome and said it wouldn't hurt to just go on a date with one of them. I told him I would think about it.

Sorry for the massive exposition, but I needed to explain how I got here. I wanted to see what people who have been through this think. Some questions I have are, given the context should I even go on a date with either of these men at all? I haven't made any overtures to either, so its not like I burnt my bridges or anything.

Both are handsome and single, and so if you think I should would it be wiser to try to date my coworker or his friend (both have pros and cons). And then going from there, do you reccomend seeing more men? Im not sure that men would be super into me. I also have a teenager at home, so that would be difficult to navigate and keep hidden from her.

Part of me likes the idea of it all, but a big part of me thinks its impractical or going to blow up in my face and ruin my life/marriage and I dont want that since I really didnt ask for any of this.

EDIT: Thank you for all the support and kind and thoughtful responses. I will take your advice to take it slow and ask my husband if he wants me to play woth my coworker and hus friend specifically or just other men in general. If its the latter I may suggest going that route.

Others have asked a bit more about my husband. He has detailed his fantasies pretty heavily to me, with him saying his ultimate fantasy would be to have another man get me pregnant "before its too late" I wanted to see how common that is and if anyone has experience with that at all or no.