Hi I'm a 24 year old sub looking to do my first cashmeet in Calgary.
Anyone interested please comment or DM me directly so we can set it up. I'm ideally looking for someone available today.
I’m hoping some other subs in relationships can relate to this, because I feel really confused and honestly kind of ashamed about it.
I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve talked openly about my BDSM interests. I spend time talking to and sessioning with other Doms online sometimes, and emotionally it doesn’t really register as “cheating” to me. It feels more fantasy-based, compartmentalized, or like roleplay. I don’t spiral with guilt over it.
But every single time I actually book an IRL session with a Dom, something changes emotionally. I suddenly get overwhelming guilt, cold feet, and this intense feeling that I’m about to betray him. I end up canceling or chickening out every single time out of guilt that almost paralyzes me.
What confuses me is that logically I know online and IRL are both forms of interaction with another Dom, so why does my brain treat them so differently? The second it becomes physically real, it stops feeling like “play” and starts feeling deeply intimate in a way I can’t emotionally detach from.
I’m not trying to disrespect my relationship or sneak around. If anything, the guilt is so strong that I literally can’t go through with it. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this disconnect between online BDSM dynamics and real-life sessions while being partnered.
Would really appreciate empathy or perspective instead of judgment. I’m trying to understand myself better, not justify hurting anyone.
I’m hoping some other subs in relationships can relate to this, because I feel really confused and honestly kind of ashamed about it.
I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve talked openly about my BDSM interests. I spend time talking to and sessioning with other Doms online sometimes, and emotionally it doesn’t really register as “cheating” to me. It feels more fantasy-based, compartmentalized, or like roleplay. I don’t spiral with guilt over it.
But every single time I actually book an IRL session with a Dom, something changes emotionally. I suddenly get overwhelming guilt, cold feet, and this intense feeling that I’m about to betray him. I end up canceling or chickening out every single time out of guilt that almost paralyzes me.
What confuses me is that logically I know online and IRL are both forms of interaction with another Dom, so why does my brain treat them so differently? The second it becomes physically real, it stops feeling like “play” and starts feeling deeply intimate in a way I can’t emotionally detach from.
I’m not trying to disrespect my relationship or sneak around. If anything, the guilt is so strong that I literally can’t go through with it. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this disconnect between online BDSM dynamics and real-life sessions while being partnered.
Would really appreciate empathy or perspective instead of judgment. I’m trying to understand myself better, not justify hurting anyone.