u/Born-Vacation-5566

I wanted to start a discussion about how to really max out income/tips. I wanted to share these ideas but I was wondering if anyone had any less obvious ideas for how to really see a massive difference in income:

1. Always come in with a goal in mind.
2. Always ask *where* they want to put the tip (instead of asking *if* they want to tip).
3. Always pitch VIP or the most expensive option first!
4. When talking about tips, create the idea that a certain amount is expected. E.g., "The average tip is X amount."

What did you do differently to take your income to the next level?

My doctor recently told me that I need to be aroused during sex--but this post isn't about my medical condition, it's about how to fix my sex life.

The problem is that my husband doesn't cooperate very well. His intentions are in the right place but he just is fundamentally and chronically very bad at sex and never remembers feedback.

I have been extremely patient and gentle in my feedback over the years but now I am getting massively frustrated.

He can't find my clit and doesn't know how to touch me:

He's unteachable. He still can't find my clit after 7 years. He'll ask me "Is this the right spot?" every time he tries to touch me (even though I've asked him not to say that because at this point the lack of confidence/knowledge is a turn-off: 7 years into a relationship, he should know if he's touching the right spot or not).

If he touches me, he will literally think that the inner labia is the clitoris. He usually puts his finger an inch or two below where it should be. It's never anywhere near the right spot.

If I put his hand in the right spot, 100% of the time, his hand moves out of place and he won't sense that his hand is moving out of place, so I will have to physically guide his hand back to the right spot.

The same thing happens if he tries to use a vibrator/sex toy on me: he doesn't put it in the right spot or it always migrates away from where it should be.

I have shown and told him many times how to spread the labia to find the clitoris. And he still doesn't get it.

The few times he does touch me, he will keep stopping (he either complains it's too much effort or he stops because he's distracted by what I'm doing to him) and I will have to remind him to start again, which is really frustrating. Like he literally doesn't even care about what he's doing.

He literally doesn't understand penetration/fucking:

He has the same problem with penetration. He has digitally penetrated me only once. If I ask him to finger me, he will put his finger so that it's barely touching my inner labia and he will think that he's inside me.

If he's on top of me when I give him a blowjob, he literally won't thrust into my mouth/throat at all unless I ask him to. When I ask him to thrust into me, he moves his body so little that his penis isn't actually moving.

And if he tries to penetrate me with his penis, he will just randomly thrust without even making sure that the penis is angled into my vagina in the first place. So his penis will be nowhere near my vagina and he literally won't even realize that he's not inside me. I will have to tell him that he's not inside me. When he has penetrated me, it only happened because I guided him into me.

I have told him multiple times to use his eyes and his hands to line up his penis with my vagina so that when he tries to enter me, his penis actually goes into my vagina. But he literally won't take the feedback. When I show him what to do, he never remembers it.

He has slept with other women before, so I don't know why he still doesn't get female anatomy.

When he's inside me, he basically doesn't even thrust and he barely moves at all. He does nothing to try to pleasure me, like no experimentation or grinding or anything. He basically just lies on top of me barely moving.

He doesn't touch me or make me come:

My husband has touched me intimately maybe 4-5 times max in the last 2 years--part of that is because I now have pain with sexual touch, but even before I started getting pain, that low frequency was VERY typical in our sex life for years.

We've been together for 7 years and most years he gives me less than 5 orgasms a year. 5 is probably being generous.

Basically sex is me giving him a handjob or blowjob 100% of the time and getting myself off with my vibrator/clit sucker toy.

He didn't give oral for years. He always said that he never liked doing it with other women. And he made negative comments about women's bodies in general. But now he's willing to give oral but I think he's done too much damage with the years of rejection and negative comments.

What I've tried:

The problem isn't communication. Because I communicate very clearly, repeatedly, patiently, and gently.

A sex therapist won't help because I think I've already come up with alllll the problem-solving and compromes and he still won't budge.

I've tried to get him to watch female-focused porn with me so that he physically sees the anatomy and understands what the sex I want looks like. (I make sure that it overlaps with his taste--I don't show him anything non-vanilla because he gets weirded out by kink).

But he doesn't watch porn at all (he's very religious/repressed) and is very resistent to it when I ask. We've watched porn together only twice in 7 years. So I've stopped asking.

He's not gay. He is definitely not having an affair. He's not asexual--although I think he's graysexual, but he very strongly doesn't identify that way at all. He is very religious and repressed. He is older and definitely has low T but he wouldn't be willing to do anything about it because treatments cause hair loss.

He ALWAYS enjoys sex very much when we have it. He says he enjoys watching me have an orgasm but he does none of the work to get me there. But I don't think the solution is for me to stop giving myself orgasms during partnered sex because he definitely would not step up. For years, he would just have his orgasm and then get up and leave without making sure I was satisfied.

Trying sensate focus won't address the problem because the problem isn't lack of intimacy--it's lack of sexuality. He loves cuddling and sensual touch but he just isn't a sexually confident/liberated person.

I have asked him to read books like She Comes First. He refused.

I've asked him to pleasure me first. I've asked him to have nights where he only focuses on me. But that doesn't last very long at all. It's been years since that's happened. I no longer feel comfortable with receiving because of how undesired he makes me feel and how unconfident he is in bed and how uncared for I feel because of how he fails to follow through with what I say I want/need.

I bought OMG YES but I seriously doubt he will look at it. I think it was probably a waste of money.

It's not a problem with experience: He has been with about 5 women before me, but he is the only man I have been with. Yet I can make him orgasm every single time and he still doesn't know basic facts about my body after 7 years.

100% of the time I have an orgasm during partnered sex, it's because I make myself come. He does nothing for me. The typical advice of "Be responsible for your own pleasure/orgasm" doesn't work because I ALREADY DO THAT and have done so for years. Frankly I'm tired of it and need more than just self-stimulation.

I have tried the whole "Don't initiate if he doesn't do anything for you" thing. It doesn't work. Literally I would never have any sex at all if I didn't initiate. I have put so much fucking work into trying to come up with solutions. It's either bad sex or no sex.

I have had so many conversations with him over the years and he says he will remember what I need for next time but he never does. And then I point out how we go through this same cycle over and over of talking about how there needs to be a change but nothing happens, and I ask what he's going to do to break the cycle, and all he says that next time will be different, but it never is.

I am so so lost. What do I do?