u/Cool-Monitor-4328

I was manic, just like nowww, and I was on Reddit posting stuff
And a guy told me he’ll rape me and he’ll pick me up and give me a pill and do it
And I didn’t want to do it
I actually was shaking and crying
But this was prior to my knowledge I had DID, and cuz of how he spoke he triggered an alter I now call compliance
She makes my body move even when I don’t want it to or for me to agree to things I don’t want by default
I was abused badlyyyyy in my teens and early adulthood by a man who made compliance necessary and therefore my brain runs the same programme I guess

But yeah I met him
And he gave me a pill and I told him I changed my mind after cuz over Reddit it’s so easy to fantasise and play with danger isn’t it
But irl when I tried backing out he didn’t let me, it was brutal. I cried and cried and it was thecworst experience of my life

No, I don’t get off to my trauma in that way. Only if I’m laughing at myself, think I deserved it etc it isn’t and wasn’t kinky

But now I want that stuff again, but to be actually drugged. His one didn’t even work well, I wanna be highhhh and see the new heights I can experience
I don’t want to be able to fight back
With him I was able, I bit his dick, I clawed, I wouldn’t stop fighting
I know I’ll do that no matter what now
So I want to stop myself being able to react properly

Set myself up
Accept my fate
That’s why soft rape is so good too isn’t it
Makes the fight response less likely