u/Crop-and-Cuffs91

Hello long time Dom with questions on Dom gear. I usually dont wear much kink gear in scenes. I often go the the business/formal suits and gloves kind of look. I like multiple piece suits and ties, sometimes a mask. I realized recently do this more for me and less for my Sub. I know this question is somewhat broad as is the scope of Kink, but im curious, what do our Subs out there enjoy seeing their Dom wearing? Any gear that you consider a must?

Been with my girl eight years. The first two years we had a great Dom/Sub dynamic. She pressured me into a polyamorous type relationship about three years in. I struggled to deconstruct my ideas of what's normal and why I'd felt like I need to be in a monogamous relationship. Eventually i came around and found the acceptence and comfort to be okay with the lifestyle. The guy in the couple she wanted us to be a part of was her origional Dom and decades long FWB though he seems to have always treated her as a side piece.

I met someone shortly after this new arrangement. I ethically let.my girlfriend know I was interested and that I wanted to pursue her. My gf gave me a few rules she would like me to follow for the new partner. Don't tell her you love her. Wear a condom until you really get to know her. And come home to me.

I followed these rules for months and really hit it off with this new girl. She became my Sub a perfect Maso to my Sado. A perfect pain slut. It was the first time I was really able to responsibly cut loose with a willing and wanting Sub. We were having marathon sex most nights and id felt like id reached a sexual peak with this new partner.

Suddenly my GF didnt want to be polyamourus anymore. She asked me to stop seeing her. And divorced herself from the other couple entirely. There was an on off period where I got my own place and we took a break for a month. Around this time my new Sub went back to her ex. Another month went by and my GF and I found our way back together.

That was four years ago. And while I love my life with my GF we have not recovered sexually. She knows how much I enjoyed the Sub and feels like she cant compete. This means she doesn't feel comfortable enough to enter Sub space. She also kind of kink shamed me and the Sub I was with, claiming that she only enjoyed the pain because she has low self esteem. And that its really not her type of thing anymore. I dont NEED the rough stuff to be happy but my GF is 40, Im 34, my Sub was 30 and the truth is my GF is right. She isnt nearly as limber flexible or fit as my Sub was. I kind of feel like she did this to herself/us. I desperately want sex outside of our relationship and she knows it. I told her outright you dont just get to flip the switch back into vanilla monogamy.

We've been together 8 years now. The sex has been waning the last 4years. This has been our longest stint as the last time we were intimate was August of 2025.

Does.anyone have any ideas on how to recover that Sub/Dom dynamic we used to have? Or am I in the wrong for not being able to put my freak back in the box?

Anyone rock their kinks outside of safe spaces(Kink clubs/bars) Had a sub years ago who wanted to be walked down the street in a leash and in skimpy clotheling. I certainly dont hide my freak flag because I dont think I should have to, but i dont outwardly promote it. Any of you amongst us that go out with all the bells and whistles? Latex, collars etc?

Anyone rock their kinks outside of safe spaces(Kink clubs/bars) Had a sub years ago who wanted to be walked down the street in a leash and in skimpy clotheling. I certainly dont hide my freak flag because I dont think I should have to, but i dont outwardly promote it. Any of you amongst us that go out with all the bells and whistles? Latex, collars etc?

Longtime pleasure dom here.How does the community feel about overstimulation? I really enjoy tying up my subs and putting a wand or a tongue on them until they break. How does the community feel about it? Fun? Boring? Too much? Its my favorite foreplay.