r/LifeStyleDomsub

As doms, are you caring about whether or not she cums, or is it all about your nut only?

About two week ago , a guy (22yo) I've been chatting with for about 3 months ask me if I want to be his sub. And I got a week to think about it but I ended up accepting him. Maybe it was a bit rush on my side tbh because I like him and the concept of finally getting my first Dom is exciting so I already knew I would accept his offer.

Fast forward after I accept it, I also did confirm with him few times if he's sure of this because he told me he got goals in his life rn like, sleep early, less alcohol, less sex, etc. So I was wondering if he's truly okay with me being in a dominant submissive relationship with him, he said yes btw. About two days after, we established my safe word and some REALLY basic rules , non specific cause he said he's going to fix it soon. But then , tht night he started to not replying to my text, even the goodnight text. So I was already suspicious, like is he feeling okay ? Is he good? And the next day he started the chat with 'Hey, we gotta talk about something'. And yeah I already know what hes going to do, he said he's not comfortable and I deserve better. Honestly I was already crying at this point because i realize he deleted all his pictures so I told him it's fine, I get it. I try to assure him it's okay instead of telling him I'm upset n crying cause I was worried if hes going to feel even bad about it. Then he told me he's going to sleep when I'm in the middle of deleting my explicit pictures (cause he told me to do it) but surprise surprise, he delete discord.

How the hell do I recover from my first Dom tht last three days but I've been talking for 3+ months?

I've been checking out subredditd and discords and tg and stuff for a female gentle dom for ages. I'm 19, built like a twink and ive been a sub for years. Thing is I've been on a dry streak for almost a year now and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I'm always respectable, obedient, loyal and I'm very aware that communication is always key. Seriously have no idea what else I can do to help me find my desired dom. I'm not picky either I'm very open to pretty much anyone.

So please guys I would appreciate any help or tips from you guys

My husband and I are both really interested in exploring a D/s dynamic, both in and outside the bedroom. We’re very new to all of this, so we’re hoping to hear from people who have experience with long-term dynamics.

A little context: we’ve been together for about 3 years, married 1, and have a really solid, loving relationship relationship. We’ve started exploring more sexually and have both realized that we genuinely enjoy a dominant/submissive dynamic. It’s exciting for both of us, but we’re trying to figure out how to make it feel authentic instead of like we’re acting out a script or something. I guess since its so new we just want it to feel natural.

One thing my husband has said is that he doesn’t want to feel like he’s playing a character or copying what he sees online. I knoe social media has probably warped the vire these types of dynamics into something purely sexual (which we also enjoy of course) but we want to incorporate it outside of the bedroom and it just is feeling so new and out of both of our comfort zones. But also so exciting.
He likes the idea of being more dominant, but he wants it to feel like an extension of who he already is rather than pretending to be someone else.

For me, I’ve realized that this type of dynamic makes me feel safe, loved, desired, and connected, in and outside the bedroom. Ive always been more submissive when it comes to sex, but ive learned more that this dynamic also helps me get into that headspace much more naturally than trying to switch from everyday life to intimacy instantly. I joke that I’m definitely more of an “oven than a microwave” when it comes to arousal, and this kind of ongoing dynamic seems like it could really help bridge that gap.

I also have a bit of a bratty streak (in a playful way), and I’m curious how other couples incorporate that without it turning into actual conflict.

I’d love to hear from people who have built a D/s relationship that feels genuine and sustainable.

Some questions:
How did your dynamic naturally develop at the beginning instead of feeling like roleplay?

What helped the dominant feel confident without feeling like they were acting?

What helped the submissive settle into the mindset outside the bedroom?

What are some simple, non-sexual things you introduced into everyday life?

Did anything unexpectedly help your intimacy or relationship as a whole?

Is there anything you wish you’d known when you first started?

We’re not looking for a perfect 24/7 dynamic overnight. We mostly want to build something that feels natural and healthy and ours rather than trying to imitate someone else’s relationship. Some advice/tips would be great though! Even if you are a dom or sub who lhas specific experiences or likes that helped your process, please share!

Thanks in advance! wed love to hear your experiences and any advice you’d give to two people who are excited to learn together.

Sorry, English is my third language, Reddit is international with people from different countries and cultures.

Long term married 14 years (together 16 years), I have a question to ask, because I was still a virgin when married my husband, he taught me everything about sex.

I was wondering if my husband is a Dom, and that we in a Dom/Sub dynamic, maybe you can help answer me this.
But I think we just a Vanilla couple where my husband dotes on me and makes me he Pillow Princess, and we not Dom/Sub dynamic.

So in bed (and I'm married to him 14 years), he very dominant, he literally does 100% of the work in bed. Basically he makes me the Pillow Princess.
........
I'm not complaining, because everytime sex with him is I got multiple vaginal orgasms I throbbed over and over to the point I not know where I'm at anymore.
The vaginal orgasms get so intense that I have to beg him to stop because I can't take it anymore.

But he very gentle in bed, and very traditional and Vanilla, nothing like in porn you see or BDSM. No blowjob, no anal, no choking, no tied up, no chains, no spanking, no sex dungeons, no threesome, no sex toys, no anything porn sex acts, etc.. Sex with him is nothing like what portrait in porn or in BDSM movies.

OK, before you tell me that if I have not try those stuff, then how do I know I not like it?
Let me tell you, I don't need to try those rough sex stuff because he is VERY big (alot bigger than average) I literally will end up in the hospital if I do those rough sex with his size. Yes. I have to mention his size to get my point across, that is not do-able for me.

Anyhoo, he actually very blunt, he said he not wants my mouth, he wants my vagina. And he said he wants to make love to me (he not even use the word fu-ck). He not a vulgar person like me.
And the most dirty thing he said to me in bed is He wants to be inside me. No dirty sex talk.

He very gentle, he never spank me in bed. Heck he not even pull my hair in bed, and I have long layered hair to my waist, and he just gently slide my hair to the side to kiss my neck and shoulders.

Yes, he likes to be dominant in bed, as in do 100% of the work in bed, and he always cums in missionary position where he on top of me.

After long time marriage, he still asked me Does it hurts? during sex. He still worry if it hurts me, even when all he does is missionary position, thrust and kiss at the same time, and asked me if it hurts.

Surely this is not a BDSM man right? Because he nothing like porn. This is traditional sex that a man and woman does for thousands of years. So we can get rid of the word Dom on him right? Because I am struggling to understand how this is a Dom here.

We been through this talk throughout our marriage, he said he is not a Dom. He said he is just a normal man that wants to makes love to his wife.

And I have asked him many times, that I love him and I want to please him too, so if anything he wants me to improve in sex, or wants me to do then tell me. He said he is very happy with our sex life, and he said I'm silly, and he said he just wants to make love to me.

And I'm also very happy in sex with him, without him I wouldn't know what multiple vaginal orgasms is, so thank you to him. He does go down on me before penetration, but how do I say it, I prefer his penis more.

So are we dealing with a Dom here? He is indeed a doting husband, and he very accommodating to me, in bed and outside of bed.

So I’m (47 F) really into reading about kinks and dom/sub relationships here lately and it’s definitely peaked my interest. I definitely want to learn more about it and I think I’d enjoy being a sub. My profession involves working with people with BH/MH (behavioral and mental health) issues, I’ve also been single/independent for 13 years, and the idea of trusting someone else to take over/control of me sexually sounds absolutely amazing. The things is I have no idea how to go about finding a male Dom while maintaining anonymity professionally, if that makes sense. So I’m hoping to learn more about all of this. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! 😊

Looking for a lifestyle Master/Sadist preferably over 35 years old and within PST and nearest time zones. I am needy and clingy and need a lot of structure and control. I enjoy humiliation, degradation, and excessive control. Experience and emotional intelligence is must. Vanilla interests are travelling, reading and gardening. Looking for something long term and online to begin with.