First time D/s relationship advice please!
My husband and I are both really interested in exploring a D/s dynamic, both in and outside the bedroom. We’re very new to all of this, so we’re hoping to hear from people who have experience with long-term dynamics.
A little context: we’ve been together for about 3 years, married 1, and have a really solid, loving relationship relationship. We’ve started exploring more sexually and have both realized that we genuinely enjoy a dominant/submissive dynamic. It’s exciting for both of us, but we’re trying to figure out how to make it feel authentic instead of like we’re acting out a script or something. I guess since its so new we just want it to feel natural.
One thing my husband has said is that he doesn’t want to feel like he’s playing a character or copying what he sees online. I knoe social media has probably warped the vire these types of dynamics into something purely sexual (which we also enjoy of course) but we want to incorporate it outside of the bedroom and it just is feeling so new and out of both of our comfort zones. But also so exciting.
He likes the idea of being more dominant, but he wants it to feel like an extension of who he already is rather than pretending to be someone else.
For me, I’ve realized that this type of dynamic makes me feel safe, loved, desired, and connected, in and outside the bedroom. Ive always been more submissive when it comes to sex, but ive learned more that this dynamic also helps me get into that headspace much more naturally than trying to switch from everyday life to intimacy instantly. I joke that I’m definitely more of an “oven than a microwave” when it comes to arousal, and this kind of ongoing dynamic seems like it could really help bridge that gap.
I also have a bit of a bratty streak (in a playful way), and I’m curious how other couples incorporate that without it turning into actual conflict.
I’d love to hear from people who have built a D/s relationship that feels genuine and sustainable.
Some questions:
How did your dynamic naturally develop at the beginning instead of feeling like roleplay?
What helped the dominant feel confident without feeling like they were acting?
What helped the submissive settle into the mindset outside the bedroom?
What are some simple, non-sexual things you introduced into everyday life?
Did anything unexpectedly help your intimacy or relationship as a whole?
Is there anything you wish you’d known when you first started?
We’re not looking for a perfect 24/7 dynamic overnight. We mostly want to build something that feels natural and healthy and ours rather than trying to imitate someone else’s relationship. Some advice/tips would be great though! Even if you are a dom or sub who lhas specific experiences or likes that helped your process, please share!
Thanks in advance! wed love to hear your experiences and any advice you’d give to two people who are excited to learn together.