u/Emotional_Aside_4476

I thought I had 'escaped' but after literal years of being away, the draw of being in the subreddit and listening to the files still hangs around, somewhere in the back of my mind.

I give up. I don't think I'll ever be able to deprogram, but I would love some advice in the DMs on replies on what I can to do at least live with this 'predicament'.

I'm (genuinely) trying to avoid a pent-up relapse at this stage. I confess that it might involve returning to B in some shape or form, but I want to slow this down before it escalates way out of control.

Also for those newbies that may be wondering - yes, it stays with you forever. At least it did for me. Help!

As a sub that gets jittery about coffee sends and other small tributes, it seems ridiculous to even think about a paycheck send. And yet....

The psychology of not holding back, and sending everything has me stirred up today. What would it feel like? How would she feel?

There are so many images/fantasies floating around on Reddit of just this, but I'm keen to hear from subs or Dommes that have ever been a part of an actual 'full send' like that. Was it worth it? What happened next? Did you regret it?

Cards on the table, I get paid about $3000 AUD/fortnight ($1075 USD/week). I've worked out in my head that I can survive a paycheck tribute - barely. It's verging on a difficult week or two for me.

To be clear I know I could be much thriftier and send something much smaller - even hundreds of dollars would still feel like a lot, but be well within budget. But I'm talking (and fantasising) specifically about an entire paycheck. It feels like a different level, but would it be worth it?