New YouTube video released yesterday. This week How to Set Up & Enforce a Realistic Allowance System in #Findom . Link in comments.

I want to talk about something that might surprise some people.

Some of the best, most loyal, and most devoted subs I’ve ever had started off as complete assholes. Arrogant, testing every boundary, trying to top from the bottom, acting like they were doing me a favour by even talking to me. A couple even presented to me as dominant themselves. Added me on Snapchat and messaged being all macho and cliche with the whole 'I'd love to pin you agaist the wall and you'll like it' energy that really put me off. How bloody presumptuous and arrogant (especially this mechanic guy wo was my sub for 2 years before getting married).

In the beginning I wanted to drop them. Hard. The disrespect, the attitude, the constant pushing - it was exhausting. And quite frankly, I did, about 90% of them, but with a couple of them something made me stay and push back harder instead of walking away. I called out the bullshit. having a degree in clinical psychology allows me to name patterns and behaviours straight up and I am never apologetic about hurting people's feelings when they approach me like that, I'm direct, logical, practical and blunt. I refused to be impressed by the tough guy macho act. I made it very clear that if they wanted to serve me they had to drop the mask and actually submit. And slowly and painfully, they broke. Not in a bad way, in the best way possible. They went from arrogant pricks who thought they were in control to some of the most obedient, thoughtful, and genuinely devoted boys I’ve ever owned. They either break or walk away. I'm fine with either, I never chase, I cut them off like a gangrenous limb if they can't handle me.

It made me realise something important - sometimes the biggest assholes become the best subs because they fight the hardest before they finally surrender and I ENJOY breaking them. The resistance itself becomes part of the transformation. And the transformation pleases me. It also creates almost like addiction, connection and dependaence on a deeper level. They see me as their owner not just a random domme. I calmly persevered and they couldn't get that reaction trolls desire and chase, I remained calm and logical and didn't raise my voice, give the tantrums any oxygen and saw through it. And I bond with them deep knowing that they gave up the facade for me and findom made them more reflective and more open to suggestion and feedback as it will help them if life.

Dommes - Have you ever had a sub who started off terrible but turned into one of your best? What made you keep going with them instead of dropping them immediately?

Subs -If you were an arrogant asshole in the beginning, what finally made you change?

I want to talk about something that might surprise some people.

Some of the best, most loyal, and most devoted subs I’ve ever had started off as complete assholes. Arrogant, testing every boundary, trying to top from the bottom, acting like they were doing me a favour by even talking to me. A couple even presented to me as dominant themselves. Added me on Snapchat and messaged being all macho and cliche with the whole 'I'd love to pin you agaist the wall and you'll like it' energy that really put me off. How bloody presumptuous and arrogant (especially this mechanic guy wo was my sub for 2 years before getting married).

In the beginning I wanted to drop them. Hard. The disrespect, the attitude, the constant pushing - it was exhausting. And quite frankly, I did, about 90% of them, but with a couple of them something made me stay and push back harder instead of walking away. I called out the bullshit. having a degree in clinical psychology allows me to name patterns and behaviours straight up and I am never apologetic about hurting people's feelings when they approach me like that, I'm direct, logical, practical and blunt. I refused to be impressed by the tough guy macho act. I made it very clear that if they wanted to serve me they had to drop the mask and actually submit. And slowly and painfully, they broke. Not in a bad way, in the best way possible. They went from arrogant pricks who thought they were in control to some of the most obedient, thoughtful, and genuinely devoted boys I’ve ever owned. They either break or walk away. I'm fine with either, I never chase, I cut them off like a gangrenous limb if they can't handle me.

It made me realise something important - sometimes the biggest assholes become the best subs because they fight the hardest before they finally surrender and I ENJOY breaking them. The resistance itself becomes part of the transformation. And the transformation pleases me. It also creates almost like addiction, connection and dependaence on a deeper level. They see me as their owner not just a random domme. I calmly persevered and they couldn't get that reaction trolls desire and chase, I remained calm and logical and didn't raise my voice, give the tantrums any oxygen and saw through it. And I bond with them deep knowing that they gave up the facade for me and findom made them more reflective and more open to suggestion and feedback as it will help them if life.

Dommes - Have you ever had a sub who started off terrible but turned into one of your best? What made you keep going with them instead of dropping them immediately?

Subs -If you were an arrogant asshole in the beginning, what finally made you change?

It’s my birthday today. I turned 37, cancelled all plans, and decided to just relax and reflect instead.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how long I’ve been doing this (6.5 years now) and how I manage my time and attention. As a psychological domme, almost all my subs end up in long-term dynamics with me. Technically, all of them do. I only consider the ones who make it into my '35' as real subs. 35 is my limit. Not 36, not 34. Exactly 35. That number fills my time the way I like it and ensures every single one of them gets the individual attention and care they need. Normally, once someone makes it past the first month with me, they don’t leave. The only time a spot opens up is when I end a dynamic (which happens 99% of the time because of natural reasons as my subs never tend to end it themselves). Sometimes their life gets too busy and findom stops being fun for either of us. Sometimes their budget drops and my time is no longer properly compensated. Sometimes they get a new girlfriend and start using me more like a therapist than a domme, which doesn’t work for me. Nothing dramatic or scandalous. Just life. However half of those 35 have been with me for at least 2 years.

And yes — I am very picky. This is an exclusive club. I don’t believe it’s fair to my boys to keep taking on more subs just because they want me. That would dilute the attention and care each of them deserves. So I protect my energy and their experience by keeping it capped at 35.

I now also have a protege I’ve been training for the last 2 months. I’ve started gently passing on some subs who no longer quite fulfil me the same way, or ones where I feel she might be a better match for their needs (again, with the consent of the sub). She shares the same core values as me, but with her own lovely twist — she leans much softer, full of warm 'good boy' energy, while I enjoy being both caring and downright sadistic depending on what the sub truly needs and deserves.

This whole system is about mental stability. It’s about managing burnout. It’s about making sure I genuinely enjoy every single sub I own and can give them proper attention instead of spreading myself too thin.

I do have anonymous senders outside the 35 who enjoy spoiling and being ignored, but they haven’t signed my starter contract. Everyone starts with the same one-month contract. If they prove themselves, I make them a bespoke one tailored just for them.

So tell me... Dommes — How do you manage burnout and attention? How many subs do you keep? Do you have a limit or do you take everyone who wants you? How do you decide when a dynamic has run its course?

Subs — What do you think about scarcity? Does knowing a domme only has a limited number of slots make you want it more, or does it put you off? Have you ever been in a dynamic where you felt you weren’t getting enough attention because she had too many boys?

I’m really curious to hear your thoughts.

It’s my birthday today. I turned 37, cancelled all plans, and decided to just relax and reflect instead.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how long I’ve been doing this (6.5 years now) and how I manage my time and attention. As a psychological domme, almost all my subs end up in long-term dynamics with me. Technically, all of them do. I only consider the ones who make it into my '35' as real subs. 35 is my limit. Not 36, not 34. Exactly 35. That number fills my time the way I like it and ensures every single one of them gets the individual attention and care they need. Normally, once someone makes it past the first month with me, they don’t leave. The only time a spot opens up is when I end a dynamic (which happens 99% of the time because of natural reasons as my subs never tend to end it themselves). Sometimes their life gets too busy and findom stops being fun for either of us. Sometimes their budget drops and my time is no longer properly compensated. Sometimes they get a new girlfriend and start using me more like a therapist than a domme, which doesn’t work for me. Nothing dramatic or scandalous. Just life. However half of those 35 have been with me for at least 2 years.

And yes — I am very picky. This is an exclusive club. I don’t believe it’s fair to my boys to keep taking on more subs just because they want me. That would dilute the attention and care each of them deserves. So I protect my energy and their experience by keeping it capped at 35.

I now also have a protege I’ve been training for the last 2 months. I’ve started gently passing on some subs who no longer quite fulfil me the same way, or ones where I feel she might be a better match for their needs (again, with the consent of the sub). She shares the same core values as me, but with her own lovely twist — she leans much softer, full of warm 'good boy' energy, while I enjoy being both caring and downright sadistic depending on what the sub truly needs and deserves.

This whole system is about mental stability. It’s about managing burnout. It’s about making sure I genuinely enjoy every single sub I own and can give them proper attention instead of spreading myself too thin.

I do have anonymous senders outside the 35 who enjoy spoiling and being ignored, but they haven’t signed my starter contract. Everyone starts with the same one-month contract. If they prove themselves, I make them a bespoke one tailored just for them.

So tell me... Dommes — How do you manage burnout and attention? How many subs do you keep? Do you have a limit or do you take everyone who wants you? How do you decide when a dynamic has run its course?

Subs — What do you think about scarcity? Does knowing a domme only has a limited number of slots make you want it more, or does it put you off? Have you ever been in a dynamic where you felt you weren’t getting enough attention because she had too many boys?

I’m really curious to hear your thoughts.

Recently I've been reflecting on changes that findom brings to our lives on both sides, domme and sub. We tend to think we change a lot or lose/gain something once we get into the kink. But I don't think that's right. If you don't do findom as a domme from 'I just need the money and subs are the means and otherwise furniture' mindset then it's something that's existed in you all along.

I keep saying it in my other posts, but findom was a natural transition for me because in my personal life I date submissive men. Usually they are still large, muscular, heavily tattooed, alt, fit into my own aesthetic of tall pale tattooed redhead alt woman. However they bring home the pay, support all my decisions and kneel in the bedroom. So my 'professional' dynamic is my personal dynamic only without the day to day and the love aspect of it. And I get to play with all ages, builds, faces etc so it's much more diverse and I love it that way. But nothing has really changed, I just gained an outlet for my kink beyond my own bedroom as well as the ability to pay all my rent, bills, expenses, my PC setup, my life in general and my peace. I live well even though I don't do luxury, on purpose. Peace is a luxury for me and that comes from complete financial security of knowing that my money is making me money. I'll be fine.

But I do this because it's fun, because I enjoy it, because it brings me joy to do and to see my subs thrive and feel great being owned by me.

But what does it all mean on a broader scale? I think for dommes it might be similarly a kink that was there or a power they've always had and they turned that 'ice queen' or 'b***h' side or tag into something that pays. I mean, if they call you that anyway might as well capitalise on it.

But from subs perspective it's more complex. For some it's a kink that always been there, it's a submissive part of them that needs humiliation and feeling small. For some they don't feel seen in everyday life and that's what they need. For others they feel too exposed so this is where they hide and feel blissfully ignored. It has many facets. There are those who do it because they like the 'fin' part the most, some only are willing to pay to experience the 'dom' part as that's just price for it and some just do it because there is that one specific woman who either turned out to be a domme or who became a domme for them that they like or idealise and will do anything to stay close.

But what were they before and what have they become after? What has changed the most? Some have overcome crippling social anxiety through findom, some maintain a stable life because of it, some have improved their mental health, some have more stable relationship with their partner as they are now getting what said partner can't provide. And some (among some of my own) have been rewired so thoroughly in so many ways that they are more successful, they have quit harmful substances or beat a porn addiction.

Then...... there are others. Those that spiralled. Who's to blame? A bad domme? A sub who's just not stepped up? Or is no one to blame and that's how the cards were dealt? I keep thinking about this.

What are your stories, dommes and subs — before and after findom. What has changed? What remained the same? Which version of yourself do you prefer? And where do you want to go from here? Do you miss who you were or are you happier with who you have become?

Recently I've been reflecting on changes that findom brings to our lives on both sides, domme and sub. We tend to think we change a lot or lose/gain something once we get into the kink. But I don't think that's right. If you don't do findom as a domme from 'I just need the money and subs are the means and otherwise furniture' mindset then it's something that's existed in you all along.

I keep saying it in my other posts, but findom was a natural transition for me because in my personal life I date submissive men. Usually they are still large, muscular, heavily tattooed, alt, fit into my own aesthetic of tall pale tattooed redhead alt woman. However they bring home the pay, support all my decisions and kneel in the bedroom. So my 'professional' dynamic is my personal dynamic only without the day to day and the love aspect of it. And I get to play with all ages, builds, faces etc so it's much more diverse and I love it that way. But nothing has really changed, I just gained an outlet for my kink beyond my own bedroom as well as the ability to pay all my rent, bills, expenses, my PC setup, my life in general and my peace. I live well even though I don't do luxury, on purpose. Peace is a luxury for me and that comes from complete financial security of knowing that my money is making me money. I'll be fine.

But I do this because it's fun, because I enjoy it, because it brings me joy to do and to see my subs thrive and feel great being owned by me.

But what does it all mean on a broader scale? I think for dommes it might be similarly a kink that was there or a power they've always had and they turned that 'ice queen' or 'b***h' side or tag into something that pays. I mean, if they call you that anyway might as well capitalise on it.

But from subs perspective it's more complex. For some it's a kink that always been there, it's a submissive part of them that needs humiliation and feeling small. For some they don't feel seen in everyday life and that's what they need. For others they feel too exposed so this is where they hide and feel blissfully ignored. It has many facets. There are those who do it because they like the 'fin' part the most, some only are willing to pay to experience the 'dom' part as that's just price for it and some just do it because there is that one specific woman who either turned out to be a domme or who became a domme for them that they like or idealise and will do anything to stay close.

But what were they before and what have they become after? What has changed the most? Some have overcome crippling social anxiety through findom, some maintain a stable life because of it, some have improved their mental health, some have more stable relationship with their partner as they are now getting what said partner can't provide. And some (among some of my own) have been rewired so thoroughly in so many ways that they are more successful, they have quit harmful substances or beat a porn addiction.

Then...... there are others. Those that spiralled. Who's to blame? A bad domme? A sub who's just not stepped up? Or is no one to blame and that's how the cards were dealt? I keep thinking about this.

What are your stories, dommes and subs — before and after findom. What has changed? What remained the same? Which version of yourself do you prefer? And where do you want to go from here? Do you miss who you were or are you happier with who you have become?

It’s that time again for a discussion. Recently I’ve been thinking about subs and how fantasy and ‘work’ blends with reality and ‘love’ for both sides. A lot of dommes enjoy dominant men, actually I’ve even noticed a split – younger or less experienced and more ‘fin’ part of the kink focused dommes tend to not see subs not just as men, but as humans rather often (Not all of them, I am not trying to say every one is the same, but a lot at least publicly act this way in order to maintain a fantasy so it at least appears so). And a lot of older or more experienced and more focused on the ‘dom’ part of the kink – see them as not only human, but have almost motherly and protective instinct when it comes to their subs.

But when it comes to love I’ve seen a mix of both although the first category tends to date dominant ‘alpha’ (note as a psychologist – there is no such thing as ‘alpha’ in psychology – I’m just using it to illustrate the point better). Where as the second category (which I am in) often prefer sub men in relationships too. But that’s not as consistent and there’s a lot of overlap in love, I’ve seen it both ways.

In my personal relationships I go for a completely different dynamic. Even to those who like to flip it. I tend to be more attracted to submissive men, I prefer them in relationships and, but I also expect their 50% to be providing. They bring home the paycheck and I make all the decisions, arrangements and take of the role of the planner and a leader making sure we thrive.

Seeing as my personal life reflects findom dynamics very closely, being a findom is as natural as breathing. Which is the positive. The negative is – the lines have blurred a couple of times. I have had a couple of subs in my 6+ year career as a findom where my sub was such high quality as a man and such good boy as a sub I got too attached. I tried telling myself I have to stay cold and removed, professional, in control. I always say to newer dommes ‘remember, it’s not personal to you, you have to be in control of yourself first and only then of your sub, that’s where your power comes from, self discipline.’ And here I was, outwardly in control, but acting, when everything inside me was burning for that sub and I dreaded losing him. And not at all because of the money…. I was hooked and I crossed that line emotionally. But because of my fear of losing control I didn’t notice how I started to ignore him more, retreat more, almost dread hearing from him because it stirred too much inside of me. And that inevitably drove him away. It has happened twice. And both times it was as if going through real heartbreak even though there was never an actual relationship and neither of them knew how I felt. Or at least they didn’t call me out on it and felt neglected and slowly faded. And I find myself struggling with ‘do I regret not saying anything and jumping in’ or ‘it was better that way, my reputation remains intact.’ And I realised I can’t be the only one. On either side of this.

Now, I want to make one thing clear — I’m not looking for pity and this isn’t a 'poor me' post. I was in control of my actions, even when it hurt, and I take full responsibility for how those dynamics ended. I’m simply curious how common this experience is on both sides and how deep it really goes. I want an honest, open discussion.

Dommes – do you have stories to tell or simply opinions about how that line is/isn’t or should/shouldn’t be crossed based on your experience?

Subs – do you have any stories to share where the fantasy became too real, and perhaps, too painful? How did you deal with it? What conclusions have you made?

It’s that time again for a discussion. Recently I’ve been thinking about subs and how fantasy and ‘work’ blends with reality and ‘love’ for both sides. A lot of dommes enjoy dominant men, actually I’ve even noticed a split – younger or less experienced and more ‘fin’ part of the kink focused dommes tend to not see subs not just as men, but as humans rather often (Not all of them, I am not trying to say every one is the same, but a lot at least publicly act this way in order to maintain a fantasy so it at least appears so). And a lot of older or more experienced and more focused on the ‘dom’ part of the kink – see them as not only human, but have almost motherly and protective instinct when it comes to their subs.

But when it comes to love I’ve seen a mix of both although the first category tends to date dominant ‘alpha’ (note as a psychologist – there is no such thing as ‘alpha’ in psychology – I’m just using it to illustrate the point better). Where as the second category (which I am in) often prefer sub men in relationships too. But that’s not as consistent and there’s a lot of overlap in love, I’ve seen it both ways.

In my personal relationships I go for a completely different dynamic. Even to those who like to flip it. I tend to be more attracted to submissive men, I prefer them in relationships and, but I also expect their 50% to be providing. They bring home the paycheck and I make all the decisions, arrangements and take of the role of the planner and a leader making sure we thrive.

Seeing as my personal life reflects findom dynamics very closely, being a findom is as natural as breathing. Which is the positive. The negative is – the lines have blurred a couple of times. I have had a couple of subs in my 6+ year career as a findom where my sub was such high quality as a man and such good boy as a sub I got too attached. I tried telling myself I have to stay cold and removed, professional, in control. I always say to newer dommes ‘remember, it’s not personal to you, you have to be in control of yourself first and only then of your sub, that’s where your power comes from, self discipline.’ And here I was, outwardly in control, but acting, when everything inside me was burning for that sub and I dreaded losing him. And not at all because of the money…. I was hooked and I crossed that line emotionally. But because of my fear of losing control I didn’t notice how I started to ignore him more, retreat more, almost dread hearing from him because it stirred too much inside of me. And that inevitably drove him away. It has happened twice. And both times it was as if going through real heartbreak even though there was never an actual relationship and neither of them knew how I felt. Or at least they didn’t call me out on it and felt neglected and slowly faded. And I find myself struggling with ‘do I regret not saying anything and jumping in’ or ‘it was better that way, my reputation remains intact.’ And I realised I can’t be the only one. On either side of this.

Now, I want to make one thing clear — I’m not looking for pity and this isn’t a 'poor me' post. I was in control of my actions, even when it hurt, and I take full responsibility for how those dynamics ended. I’m simply curious how common this experience is on both sides and how deep it really goes. I want an honest, open discussion.

Dommes – do you have stories to tell or simply opinions about how that line is/isn’t or should/shouldn’t be crossed based on your experience?

Subs – do you have any stories to share where the fantasy became too real, and perhaps, too painful? How did you deal with it? What conclusions have you made?