u/FamousBorder8813

I'm AMAB, 50 years old. I have been struggling with gender dysphoria since I was about 13. At first, I assumed this meant transitioning to female was the road I would take, and I even began the process of medical transition. I eventually realized that social transition wasn't the right road for me, as it wasn't really my gender presentation that was driving this.

As I got older, the eunuch identity resonated best with me, and after many years of exploration, I discussed this with my therapist, and she gladly wrote me a letter of support for orchiectomy. I met with a surgeon who was very supportive. He explained the procedure and invited me to schedule my orchiectomy as soon as I was ready. That was several months ago, and I still have not scheduled.

I'm not afraid of the procedure itself, nor do I think I would ever regret not having testicles. But I kept having thoughts like, "This would be ok, but is it really necessary? Do I really need to go through with this?". I'm wondering if anyone else got stuck at this point? I think both surgery and no surgery are legitimate options, and each has its own pros and cons. I guess the biggest downside of not doing it, however, is that this issue just keeps going...and going...and going... taking up space in my head as it has for the past 20 years. On the other hand, I guess I don't see orchiectomy as the only way for me to be ok. I'm open to all experiences, thoughts, and perspectives, especially from anyone who felt ambivalence after getting approved.

I was recently approved for orchiectomy with scrotum removal, and had a consultation with a surgeon. I identify as a eunuch and both my therapist and the surgeon were very supportive. I just need to schedule the procedure, but I've had the nagging feeling that orchiectomy is a "safe" compromise, while nullectomy is really what I want. Can anyone relate to this? Also, do you think I'd need to go back to square one to get approved, or is this an option a surgeon might consider based on my existing approval?

I'm a DL and a few months ago I went from shamefully trying on some Depends I bought on a whim, to wearing and using premium diapers 24/7 and feeling really cool with it. It escalated quickly...just a few weeks. At first I assumed wearing discrete briefs would work best, but of course I quickly learned that they can only handle small leaks, not full voids. Now I wear Abena Pants Level 3, or Sunkiss Masterpiece day and night. I find myself shifting between being worried about being clocked, and not really caring, or at least wanting to not care. I have no desire to advertise the fact that I'm diapered, but I think deep down I want to wear what I wear and not compromise because of self-consciousness. On the other hand, sometimes I just want to blend in and not worry about it. Does anybody else experience this back and forth?