Scared to live out spanking fetish, how was it for you?
I am in my thirties and have a spanking kink since I can remember.
When I was younger these fantasies felt like something I wanted to have removed from myself, but as I got older and figured I could enjoy sex and relationships without it, I kind of accepted them. Like, these are my fantasies and as that they are ok.
Now today I saw an instagram post about people regretting things on their deathbed and I did think to myself, I would kind of regret not having tried spanking. I mean, since I fantasize so often and since so many years about it, would it not be kind of sad to miss out on it?
However, I am very hesitant about trying to turn these fantasies in reality. They mostly come up when I am stressed and struggle to get things done for work and they are definitely tied to feelings of shame and low self esteem. I worry that if I live it out, I give in to these negative feelings and that they take over my life, leaving me unable to function. (I did have one friend who did sex work and BDSM and it turned into a self harm via others / addiction kind of thing...)
Also, I would not want it to affect my life outside the bedroom so much. Like, I love my partner and that our relationship is so eye level and light hearted and silly. And I love being independent in my decisions.
How do you feel about these things? (How) did your life change when you started to live out your kink?