u/Humble-Gur2577

I’ve been married to my wife for 20 years as of July and we’ve been together for 27 years. I’m 49 and she’s 47. I’ve always known I was bi and had opportunities to hook up with guys in college but then we met and fell in love. I still love my wife a lot but she’s in perimenopause and our sex life has come to a screeching halt. My wife is still a smokeshow and people think she’s much younger. However, we are barely having sex once or twice a month and it’s pretty vanilla, no pegging, no BJs, no anal, only missionary. I’m a good husband and a good father and we are happy but hearing about all of these bi guys and gay dudes cruising and hooking up so easily keeps me questioning how much longer I can continue being monogamous. She knows I’m bi and she knows I’m highly sexual and we have deep conversations about how the lack of sex isn’t working for me and soon after we have these talks, the sex picks up for a bit. However, it often feels like she’s just not into it and is sorta spreading her legs not out of desire but because she sorta feels obligated. Anyway, I don’t want to cheat and I’ve never cheated but I also need sex. As the lack of sex has increased, my desire to be with men goes off the charts. Normally, I swing much more towards women and I still find women very attractive but for some reason, I have no desire to be with any woman other than my wife yet in terms of men, the thought of random hookups keeps getting more and more appealing. I’m sure there are a lot of guys on here in similar boats.

I'm a bisexual man married to a woman but the parts of me that want to explore my gay side seem to be bubbling to the surface since my wife and I barely have sex these days.  

She’s premenopausal and just never wants to do it.  We are super busy too but it’s super frustrating.  When we do have sex she’s extremely difficult to “please” but also doesn’t really do a lot of work shall we say and only likes missionary style sex.  No oral sex or any other type of intimacy besides kissing.  I love her but sex so few and far between is super rough.  Part of me also wonders if she doesn’t want to have sex because I told her I was bisexual.  It’s tough.

Partially related to the above, I go through cycles where I crave penises.  Since we are not having much sex, I often watch and masturbate to porn.  I watch mostly gay porn, some bi porn and some straight porn.

I love my wife and I’m not interested in leading a different lifestyle but we haven't had sex since either April or early-May. 

I’d like to talk to her about these things but I thought we were good after I told her the truth about my sexuality. Yet, I definitely regret sharing this with her at this point.  As part of expressing my sexuality, I wore very skimpy underwear for a while, but this really upset her and still upsets her.  However, I just prefer a good thong or other skimpy underwear.

I had lots of opportunities to hook up with men when I was younger but for one reason or another, I never did. I’ve always been bi but finally ready to explore but don’t want to lose my wife. Not sure how to navigate this situation.