u/InclusiveLiving

https://reddit.com/link/1vwawsw/video/bzw274kec5lh1/player

I thought I'd share how I use my NB breast pump as some of you asked. I recorded a short video on how I position the cups and how much I pump. I keep the pressure at this level throughout the entire session. This time I had the cups on for 1.5 hours. Sometimes I add one or two pumpings after some time, when I feel that my breasts got used to it or if there was some loss of pressure.

These are the noogleberry medium, contoured cups, with airlock valvles (but I rarely ever use that feature). I also have silicone padding rings on them, which is a must in my opinion.

My husband and I are new to opening our marriage (for now only on my side), and I’d appreciate insight from people who have been in a similar arrangement.

If it matters for context, we've been monogamously married for 15+, have two kids. We had fluctuations in our sex life before, but always managed to work it out. Recently I started a new dietary program with supplements that's actually done wonders for my sex drive. We ended up with a libido mismatch, so we started talking about solutions, like before. But this time the idea of opening things up on my side came up. He initially entertained it (he brought it up), then got cold feet. But eventually over some time he came round and says he's fully supportive that we try this. So we agreed on it, started researching it, discussing boundaries.

The issue is that at some point after all that, and when I started looking around and chat with a few men, my husband suddenly said he’d like to watch. It came out of the blue and wasn’t something we had discussed as a clear boundary or an expectation. In his mind it sounds connecting, he says it would make him feel included, but I’m uncomfortable with it for a few reasons. One is that I feel like I would be “performing,” and the idea makes me feel tense rather than excited. Another is consent and comfort. Even if I'd say yes to it, I don’t know whether the other man would be open to meeting my husband at all, let alone having him there while sex is happening. And I don’t think I should put him in an awkward position or create pressure for him to “perform” either.

I’m also worried about my husband’s reaction. He might enjoy it or he might get jealous. I don’t want to end up feeling like I’m responsible for managing his feelings instead of enjoying the experience. At the same time, we discussed that this could become something ongoing (me potentially having an ongoing lover). I don't want my husband to feel left out and I want to make this work long term for both of us.

Is my husband entitled to watch because he’s my husband and he supported opening in general? How does it work for other couples?

I've bumped into this breast pump picture online and wonder if anyone knows which model or type of pump is this? It seems to have an inner tube within the cup for directing the areola/nipple into. I was thinking it can be useful for those who have flat/lying/inverted nipples by setting more pressure on them or even if one wants to set a reduced pressure on the nipples?

Anyone has an experience with this system or something similar?

https://preview.redd.it/142emiwl4g5h1.png?width=1227&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e174eb73e09e54a69adecf114569b395f0d470b

My wife and I have been exploring the lifestyle for a few years, but mostly in a pretty structured, fantasy-driven way. Usually we either played together, or we selected guys together and then she would meet them solo while keeping me involved through messages/pics/etc.

Part of the appeal for both of us was the idea of her being with men who felt more dominant, fit, sexually capable, etc. This was genuinely part of her fantasy too, and still is. But real life didn’t always line up with the fantasy as neatly as we imagined.

Over time, the whole "search for a bull" on lifestyle and hookup sites approach started to burn us out a bit. A lot of messaging, vetting, coordinating, and short-term encounters that rarely turned into quality connections. We started talking about whether something more organic might work better. Like her having her own profile on a dating app and going solo, without everything being filtered through a shared “finding a bull” process from the start. While still keeping me included and in the loop.

And honestly, these discussions have exposed a tension between the fantasy and reality that I didn’t fully expect.

In practice, we did meet some guys over the years who didn’t really match the ideal we originally had in mind, and I noticed myself reacting negatively to that. If it came up if we should meet them again, I’d sometimes say things like “what’s the point if they’re not bigger/better/etc?” or question whether the guy really fit what we were looking for. From my perspective, I was responding from inside the kink logic.

But to her, it felt judgmental, like I was evaluating her attraction or criticizing her choices. And it made her worried that if she started dating solo, she would still somehow be filtered through my approval or feel pressure to justify why she liked someone.

What complicates this is that she still likes the idea of finding a stereotypical bull type. But she also feels that real attraction doesn’t happen in such a rigid or obvious way. On normal dating apps, people don’t advertise themselves as “bulls,” you can't really see or find out their physical properties, and chemistry can grow through conversation, personality, confidence, sexual energy, etc. She might go on a date with someone who doesn’t fit the ideal fantasy match, but end up genuinely attracted once there’s a real connection.

And I think that’s the part I’m struggling with mentally.

In the fantasy version of this dynamic, everything is very simple and hot. But in real life it's organic and messy.

I want to support her autonomy and not make her feel managed or judged. But I’m also realizing that a lot of my arousal was built around a pretty curated fantasy structure, and I’m unsure how that adapts once dating starts happening more like actual dating.

Has anyone else transitioned from a more shared/fantasy driven hotwife dynamic into a situation where your partner dates more independently and organically?

How did you handle your expectations around it?